


Why Would You Ever Kiss Me?

by mildvampirewhore



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Drunk Sex, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hate Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Imprinting, NSFW, One Night Stands, POV First Person, Pining, Slight Impregnation Kink, Slow Burn, Smut, There’s a lot of angst you’ve been warned, new moon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:41:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 54,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24166783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mildvampirewhore/pseuds/mildvampirewhore
Summary: (Y/N) and Jacob Black have been best friends since they can remember, what would happen if (y/n) fell in love with her best friend while he's in love with Bella Swan? What would happen if Jacob disappears and comes back with a massive secret? What if Jacob is too late?Loosely inspired by Heather by Conan Gray.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Original Female Character(s), Jacob Black/Reader, Jacob Black/You
Comments: 293
Kudos: 633





	1. Best Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I doubt many people will see this because twilight is quite old now but the world crashing around me inspired me to start this fic. Plus Midnight Sun got announced so twilight is back in my head. I hope everyone's doing well <3 Feedback would be appreciated!  
> Warning: there will be smut in later chapters but it's mostly plot. The whole thing is very similar to the canon twilight universe just with some slight alterations to make the story flow. There's still werewolves and vampires, Edward does the same stuff to Bella.

Ever since I can remember Jacob Black and I have been best friends. Closer than you can ever imagine.

We’ve always been attached at the hip, known as a duo, a package deal. In our youth, we would constantly hang out at each other's houses whenever our parents would allow it. It was rare for us to be apart for long. My favourite thing in the whole world was when Jacob’s family would take me down to La Push beach with them where we would play in the sand for hours and hours with his older sisters. Rebecca and Rachel treated me like their own little sister, part of their tribe, and his parents loved me. Especially his mother, who I adored. You could just see in her deep and wisdom filled eyes how much she cherished and loved each and every person in her life.

Things understandably changed after Jacob’s mom died in the car crash. If I was being extremely selfish I’d say some things changed for the better. Jacob practically moved into the guest room of my house because he couldn’t stand being at home surrounded by so much grief. It was all too much for little Jacob, and I quickly became his safe haven. Some days he’d go silent and try to push me away but we were only nine years old, we couldn’t process complex emotions properly. So those days would usually end with Jake having a cry on my shoulder and we’d both fall asleep cuddled up together on my bed.

I hated seeing Jacob so broken, it left a sick feeling in the back of my throat and a crushing pain in my chest. Therefore, I began taking care for him much more than a newly 10 year old girl probably should. I was slowly becoming the imitation of a mother figure in his life but I didn’t mind, it’s not like he expected much, he just needed someone to be there for him no matter what. Unconditional love. My parents were mostly out of town, always working, so I’d do the cooking and cleaning and washing for Jacob, looking after him in every trivial way I could. I think that’s what made us both grow up so fast, Jacob’s grief and my internalised pressure to provide for him. I never blamed Jacob though, never.

Grief usually ruins people, changes them into something they’re not, however the complete opposite happened to Jake. Eventually, he began smiling again, laughing his heart warming, booming laugh. His smile grew and grew until it felt like sunbeams were constantly radiating from his face. He became the happiest person I have ever known in my whole life, always wanting everyone around him to be just as happy. It’s almost like one day he woke up tired of being sad and his personality tripled, every good trait he possessed grew tenfold.

Eventually he stopped staying over so much which was inevitable, his real family needed him back home, but despite that we remained forever inseparable. We bonded over something that most people never had, what we had was unique. Things between us stayed the same from that point on though, we relied on each other more than anything in the world, at least that was until high school.

When we reached the age of fourteen, Jacob had to beg and plead with his dad to let him go to Forks High, the high school I was going to be going to. His dad wanted him to stay on the reservation but Jacob couldn’t bare not being around me, and I felt the same. Actually, maybe I began feeling things slightly stronger.

As puberty hit, my view of my life long best friend began to shift and I knew one thing for certain, I was falling deeply in love with Jacob Black. Purely and entirely in love. At first I refused to accept it... but after some time and internal struggle I slowly began to come to terms with the terrifying idea. After all, it made sense. As he aged he only became more and more beautiful- he was the definition of tall, dark and handsome after all. But more than that I couldn’t ever imagine finding someone that could ever make me feel as happy and important and loved like Jacob did. What didn’t help my aching heart was the fact that our parents were non stop pointing out how great we’d be together. Soulmates, even. What made it even worse was Jacob’s reactions.

“You two are so perfect for each other and you know it! Jacob and (y/n) kissing in a tree-” my father would tease.

“Ew! Stop, I feel sick just thinking about it. I think I’m actually about to throw up.” Jacob would reply, making childish gagging noises.

I would laugh along, jokingly slapping his arm but fuck, it stung to hear that coming from his mouth. I couldn’t even be upset with him because he was utterly oblivious to my pain, I know it would kill him if he knew how hurt his actions made me. He saw me as a sister, his maternal figure that would look after him no matter how big and tall he grew. If I couldn’t get more than that from him that was going to have to be okay, I was at peace with that. I’ll happily be his favourite person to laugh with and spend time with rather than ruin all that and for what? A kiss or two? Silly hormones.

Eventually, he won his dad round and we started high school together and quickly became known as a pair by everyone around us. Always (y/n) and Jacob, never not together. He was the class clown, always turning round to smile his big, toothy grin at me whenever he did something funny, searching for my approval. We weren’t incredibly high on the stupid teen social hierarchy but when we both turned 16 we definitely started getting more attention.

Of course next to him I was nothing, I couldn’t ever compare, but everyone seemed to have a thing for both me and Jake. The male attention didn’t phase me, although it did give me a confidence boost. What would knock my confidence was Jacob’s female attention. We would both talk about it in the car rides home from school in his old, rusty excuse of a vehicle. We would even make little games out of who we’d fuck, marry or avoid in a hypothetical scenario, and we both mutually agreed we didn’t care much about anyone showing interest in us. Jacob was dreamy about his ideas of love, he wanted to wait for “the one” like some sort of fairytale. I would never tell him but I knew I had already found my “one”, no matter how much that made me cringe.

Unlike him I wasn’t opposed to the idea of dating for the fun of it before finding real love, Jacob would scoff at me and roll his eyes whenever I mentioned that but he was too obsessed with romance novels and movies to live life realistically. He swore me to secrecy about his romantic side but it was too difficult to not tease him about it, especially to try hide the fact I was secretly swooning.

All we seemed to do was tease and lightly bully each other which always ended in us laughing so hard we were in tears over it, whether that be in the middle of a packed lunch hall or rolling around on my living room floor trying to focus on homework. Sometimes the homework sessions turned into wrestling matches, Jake’s unfair advantage of height and muscles meant he would accidentally get me into some positions that he thought nothing of but would make me blush.

However, despite our teasing towards each other, whenever anyone else at school was remotely cruel to either of us, the other would be getting ready for a full blown fist fight. Most of the time it was me being hurled abuse at by silly boys I’d politely rejected, dumb things I could easily brush off like “you’re ugly anyway” or “what a whore”, and Jacob being held back by my weak arms in an attempt to prevent a scene. Fights would thankfully never actually break out, partially because Jacob was intimidating enough when he got angry that he would scare his opposition away, he could scare the biggest of men away, but also partly because he knew I was holding him back. He never wanted to go against what I asked of him.

I knew that Jake often lost it in the heat of the moment but I also knew how much he’d be upset about it when it’s over, he’s always been too much of a teddy bear to happily hurt someone even if it’s in my honour. Plus, I’m not the damsel-in-distress type. Of course he could easily push my arms away and break through my grasp, but me simply wrapping my arms around him from the back seemed to calm him down. Every time without fail he would take a second to close his eyes and breathe as the culprit of his anger awkwardly scurried away, then he’d turn to face me and pull me into a rib crushing hug. He would always smell the top of my hair while I buried my face into his chest and rubbed my hand up and down his back. Admittedly, I was constantly having to stop myself from kissing his broad chest or looking up at him and stealing a quick peck.

It was hard to resist but I was used to it. Surely, one day, I was bound to snap.


	2. New Girl

“Have you heard there’s going to be a new chick at school today?” Jacob asked, his dazzling, full face grin welcoming me into his car as I clambered in with my school bags.

He was always way too happy this early on a Monday morning. Jacob’s habit of picking me up to take me to school was really a life saver, even if I was absolutely terrified of his rustbucket. My parents were hardly ever home nowadays so I’m not even sure how I would get there without him. Always the gentleman.

“Yes, we even talked about it yesterday, you idiot.” I tutted, smiling widely back at him.

“Oh shut up, I have news about the mystery girl.” He waggled his eyebrows at ‘mystery girl’ while staring at the winding road in front of us. Cheeky bastard.

“Yeah?” I asked, curious as to what he’s on about. No one knows what Jacob is on about most of the time.

“Yeah! Try guess.”

“No! There could be millions of options.”

“Boo spoil sport.” he pouted. “Do you remember Bella Swan?”

I actually paused to think about that. Bella Swan? The name sounded vaguely familiar like a distant memory whispering at the back of my head. Despite that, I couldn’t come up with anything.

“Would it be rude to say no?” I asked.

“You and your memory tut tut, Chief Swan’s daughter! I spent a few summers with her when I was little.” he stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sometimes I swear to god he thinks we share a brain, I’m glad we don’t because there’s a lot of thoughts I’d like to keep private, specifically about him…

“Oi! Pay attention. You know how my dad and Charlie are close? Well we spent some time together, both our families, when Bella would come to visit Charlie.” he rambled on.

“How come I don’t know her then?” I probably only vaguely recognised her name because of Charlie. I should’ve put two and two together.

“Oh you don’t? I guess it was before, um, you know… mom. When you weren’t so obsessed with me.” he forced a laugh towards the end and lent over to my seat to tickle my side with one hand. I laughed and slapped his hand away.

“Eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel, this car doesn’t need an excuse to fall apart.” I smiled.

“Yeah, yeah.” he rolled his eyes. “Well anyway she’s moved here, to Forks, and I want you to say hi to her today. That alright, honey? I know you hate people.”

“Jacob, dear, to say you know me better than anyone you hardly seem to know me at all.” I sighed and then laughed as I watched him try to stifle a laugh of his own. My favourite hobby has always been meeting new people and learning things about them, it’s one of the few things I’m good at. Me and Jacob work as a team in making friends, I ease them in with polite conversation and slight nosiness and Jake makes them laugh. We work too well together, sometimes it makes my head spin.

We got to school not too long later and as Jacob was parking, I spot a new truck in the parking lot. He turns to look at me with a smile when he’s finished reversing and I point towards the truck, I assume it’s Bella’s and I thought he’d know if it was. He followed the trail of where my finger was pointing and nods. We don’t need to use words to talk half of the time, most of the time a look will do and we’ll know what the other one is thinking. It’s hard not to be head over heels for someone like that, I find myself once again feeling grateful we don’t actually share one mind.

I step out of the car as it creaks and moans at the shift in weight, he really needs a new car. I squint to try see the red truck opposite us better and I spot someone sat inside it, she wasn’t looking up at us but I got that whispering feeling at the back of my head again.

“Jakey, she’s in her truck. Want me to smooth her over now or later?” I said as I winked at him. I could see he was a bit nervous, I wasn’t too sure why but I suppose it must be weird seeing someone after so long. He cleared his throat and stared at me for a second and then smiled his big signature Jacob smile. I would do anything for that smile.

I watched Bella attempt to step out of her truck and I grabbed Jacob’s arm and dragged him over in her direction, greeting her before anyone else had the chance would probably be easier.

“Hey Bella! Hold up, I’ll help you.” I shouted over to her, only a few steps away.

She looked up at me with a slightly shocked expression, she probably found someone already knowing her name and jogging over to her with a large boy trailing behind a bit weird. As we approached she smiled meekly, I swear I knew that face.

“Hi! I’m (y/n) and I’ve heard you know my buddy here.” I smile, nudging Jacob forward with my shoulder. He was acting like a shy toddler which was very unlike him. I got a bit worried all of a sudden, feeling protective.

“Hey Bella, it’s Jacob. Black. Jacob Black.” he choked out. What was wrong with him? I scowled up at him but he wouldn’t return my gaze, he just stared down at the books in Bella’s hands.

“Oh! Jake! Cha- my dad said you go here. Wow you’ve changed a lot since I last saw you. Not the little boy who had the world’s biggest crush on me anymore?” she laughed, a mouse-like noise.

That’s why I know her! The noise in my head grew louder, it’s the girl Jacob used to be in love with. I forgot about that. I was too young to even understand what crushes were at that point, still thinking boys had cooties. Satisfaction from working out who she was quickly trickled into jealousy. Was that why he was so nervous? Did he still like her? He can’t possibly still feel the same, you grow out of those things I’m sure of it.

“Want me to carry your books? What’s your first class? I’ll-” I nudged him “WE’ll show you around” Jake rambled.

Bella laughed nervously and handed him her timetable. They had a little chat between the two of them over classes and teachers, turns out we all share a handful of classes. Great, can’t wait to be suffocated with this nervous energy all day. The jealousy bouncing round in my head was clawing at my skull for attention but I tried pushing down the gut-wrenching feeling. I didn’t care. Plus it’s only been about 5 minutes of weird conversation, I have nothing to be jealous of.

The morning flew by like normal, besides walking Bella to a few of her classes. We only shared one class all together on Mondays, gym after lunch, which seemed to put Jake at ease for some reason. I had to ask him about that. 

It got to lunch and Jake met me outside of my calculus class, a routine of ours. I smiled at him, happy to see his face again, and he smiled right back. It’s hard to think of a time where Jacob isn’t smiling. He asked how my class was and I filled him in on anything relatively interesting he missed, which wasn’t much.

It started lightly snowing as we stepped outside to walk towards the main building, I usually loved the snow but today I didn’t prepare for it at all. I was wearing a thin, long sleeved black V-neck top which was tucked into a light grey mini skirt. Thankfully I was wearing a pair of black tights under my skirt but I was prepared for a relatively sunny day... in a chilly Forks kind of way. By the time we entered the entrance to the lunch hall I was shivering and hugging myself tightly, teeth noisily chattering together.

Jacob looked down at me as we queued up for food, probably hearing the audible sound of my teeth grinding together. He chuckled, clearly amused by my stupid choice of clothing for early December.

“Cold?” he smirked at me.

“Just a bit.” I scowled, not enjoying being picked on when my limbs were about to freeze off.

“Here loser, take this.” he said, pulling off the sweater he was wearing and throwing it at my chest and laughing when I didn’t react fast enough.

“Jacob, how are you not cold?” I grumbled, bending over to pick up his sweater from my feet where it fell.

It was so unfair, he never got cold. Like, ever. He was standing in a freezing cold room with just a plain white t-shirt on and a pair of jeans. I bet if it was deemed socially acceptable he’d be wearing just a pair of shorts right now. He’s a medical mystery, at this point he deserves hypothermia.

“Oh shush, it looks better on you anyway.” he smiled, helping me slip the sweater over my head as I got engulfed by the size of it.

He grinned down at me with so much love that it stung, his dark brown eyes hypnotising me. Why couldn’t I just be satisfied with the love he gave me? I felt so selfish wishing for more sometimes, I should be grateful that I had a best friend who would move mountains for me. But I loved him more than he could ever love me. And it hurt. I never let it show though, looking back up at him and sticking my tongue out which made him laugh once again.

We sat down at our usual table with our food, I only got some pasta because my stomach didn’t feel right today with my excessive worrying about Jacob. Jacob, however, got just about everything available, always eating double his body weight every day yet never gaining an ounce of body fat. Unfair.

We usually sat by ourselves, we have a lovely group of friends so it’s not like we’re seen as loners but we’ve always had our own little habits and routines with each other because our lives are just so interlaced. No one questions our behaviour.

We were talking and laughing like usual, chatting about our days or jokingly teasing each other when _she_ walked in. Bella Swan. Jacob froze completely, all conversation put on halt while he watched her like a puppy dog as she walked over to join the lunch queue. I could almost see cartoon love hearts floating above his head as his mouth fell slightly agape. Something bubbled up inside of me, my previous happy mood evaporating into a puff of smoke.

“Close your mouth, flies will get in.” I mumbled, staring into my untouched food, not wanting to watch the scene in front of me anymore.

Jacob blinked a few times and collected himself but he still couldn’t take his eyes off her.

“What’s up with that anyway? You’ve been weird around her all day.” I finally asked, feeling a lump form in my throat.

“I have not.” he replied, still not looking away.

“You so have! I know you Jacob. Do you still… like her or something?” I questioned hesitantly, forcing a very fake laugh at the end in an attempt to keep the atmosphere light.

Finally he looked at me, pulling himself back down to earth. He leaned in closer to me.

“Don’t say a word to anyone but Jesus Christ I think I’m in love.” he whispered.

“Ew, gross.” I replied, picking up my flimsy plastic fork to prod at my pasta as I let my hair fall around my face.

My suspicions were confirmed and it felt like the world was collapsing around me. My bubble burst. But despite how much I was internally falling apart, I couldn’t show him that I was upset. The lump in my throat grew bigger and I almost audibly choked, my eyes prickling with hot tears.

“Don’t be silly.” he laughed at my reply. “She’s so beautiful. I thought I got over her a long, long time ago but she’s only gotten more gorgeous. And she’s so shy and sweet, it makes me want to pick her up and protect her. She’s already got me whipped.”

My mind was torn, it was always so nice seeing Jacob happy, off in his own little dream world thinking up fairytale-like scenarios. But at the same time, I didn’t think it would hurt this bad when he finally caught feelings for someone. Maybe it would hurt less if it was someone not as attractive as Bella, maybe it’s just my ego and my pride snapping in half. She’s so lovely, yet at the same time I can’t help but feel nothing but rage towards her.

“Oh look, now she’s got her eyes on the Cullens. Of course.” Jacob grunted, crossing his arms and huffing.

In my self pitying spiral I hadn’t noticed that time had passed and Bella had sat down at Mike and Jessica’s table. Jessica and Bella had their eyes locked on the Cullens, whispering and pointing as Bella looked star struck. Anyone would drop to their knees for the Cullens, anyone but Jacob of course.

Jacob has had an irrational hate for the Cullens ever since they moved to Forks, mostly hating Edward. The Cullens are an adopted family that consist of Edward, Alice and Emmett. There’s also the Hales, who were also adopted into the family by Esme and Dr Carlisle Cullen. Jasper and Rosalie Hale, the most beautiful twins you would ever see in your whole life. Well, they were all beautiful, a bit too eerily beautiful if you ask me. They didn’t really speak to anyone, I would know, I tried making friends with Alice when they all first arrived but all she did was scowl in Jacob’s direction and strut away as gracefully as a runway model. Jacob had no reason to hate them, they’ve done nothing, but maybe that was it. They do literally nothing. There was almost a sense of force behind that, too perfectly normal for people who looked so inhumanely abnormal. Anyway, Bella looking at them clearly rubbed Jacob the wrong way.

“Of course she’s going to look Jakey, it’s hard to not notice them. Don’t let it damage your fragile masculinity.” I lightly laughed.

“Yeah but... ugh!” he grunted. I laughed again at his reaction even though the heavy feeling of heartbreak wouldn’t let me go. “Anyway (y/n), we’re going to gym class today.”

My heart stopped for a second. More than a second. When did he decide that? We have a long tradition of skipping gym every Monday to go sit in Jake’s car and piss about because we both hated it. Okay, so maybe it was only me that truly hated gym but Jacob pretended to despise it too, moral support and everything.

“Excuse me? Jacob Ephraim Black you can not be serious!” I shouted, gaining a bit of attention from the tables around us. This was so out of the blue, I was sick to my stomach of so many plot twists happening that day, this was the last straw.

“Don’t be so dramatic! It’s been too long since we showed up, I’m sure they’ll be contacting our parents soon if we don’t show our faces.” he chuckled but his eyes betrayed him and scanned the room for Bella once again, and then it clicked.

“It’s because Bella’s in our class isn’t it?” I sighed, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples at the feeling of a pounding headache settling in.

“Always such a conspiracy theorist.” he replied, not actually denying my previous question. He’s so see through sometimes.

The worst part was I didn’t really have a choice in the matter, Jacob wouldn’t give me the keys to his car and he’d be upset if I stormed off by myself into the forests surrounding the school. Plus we both know I’d get lost.

“You fucking owe me.” I groaned while standing up and pulling my bag on, no point fighting a losing battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading, I've added this 2nd chapter quite soon after the 1st because I thought it'd be better to show some action and conversation in the story. Let me know what you think! Also side note, Jacob is the same age as Bella in this.


	3. Sweaters and Metaphors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: sexual assault however it is quite minor. Saying that, sexual assault is never really minor. If reading something with that content will affect you, there are many resources online that will help with a quick google search. Look after yourself <3 but yeah it's nothing too horrific and it doesn't affect the character much! No trauma.

Jacob had to physically push me into the girls' locker room, making me fall and stumble straight into the packed room. I couldn’t wipe the scowl off of my face no matter how hard I tried, not that I was trying very hard at all. I felt quite numb. Jacob kept laughing at me and calling me "dramatic" but he didn’t know the real reason I was upset, gym was simply the cherry on top. Jacob stuck his tongue out at me when he got me through the door before turning around and heading towards the boys locker room. I doubt many girls would complain if he followed me all the way in anyway. Ew. Whatever.

“No running away either!” I heard him shout from outside. I wish I could. I rolled my eyes at him.

The first face I saw as I rounded the corner was Angela’s who looked at me with shock before smiling at me and waving. I forgot about the attention I was about to receive for actually turning up, for once in my life I was not in the mood to speak to anyone at all. I smiled politely at Angela and found an empty spot to get changed in, making sure to not look up at any questioning faces for two reasons: in case someone took eye contact as a reason to start conversation but more importantly, I couldn’t stand seeing Bella right now. I think seeing Bella’s stupidly pretty face would push me over the edge and make me cry in the middle of the packed locker room. Usually I wouldn’t be so bothered about public displays of emotion but no doubt someone would tell Jacob and he’d panic and ask what’s up. He shouldn’t have to deal with this, he’d done nothing wrong.

Thankfully I brought my gym clothes with me every Monday just in case my parents ever came home to see them lying about while I was supposed to be at school. It happened once and I had to lie for a week straight to convince them that I had simply forgotten them. I would call them paranoid but they were right to be suspicious so I can’t say much.

I didn’t want to take Jacob’s sweater off. I didn’t get much time to enjoy it before my life was practically ruined. Jacob giving me his sweater was always my favourite thing in the whole world; I loved the smell of him, warmth and familiarity and outdoors. More than that, I loved how it was one of his most common ways of showing affection. Whether he said it aloud or not he non-stop worried about me getting cold or ill or injured or upset. If he couldn’t wrap his arms around me to protect me from everything evil in the world, the armour of his baggy sweater would have to do. When he said he wanted to protect Bella in the same way it stabbed me in the core of my heart.

I sniffled back some tears threatening to spill and pulled off Jake’s sweater. I inhaled his scent one more time before folding it up neatly and placing it carefully on the bench in front of me. It’s a bit of a metaphor really, taking off Jake’s symbol of love for me just because he wants to do something with Bella. I felt winded as I tried not to hyperventilate. He was right, I can definitely be dramatic.

I tightened the laces on my worn sneakers and pulled my hair up into a ponytail as we entered the gym. Sports, woo. It had definitely been a while since I’d worn my gym clothes because the shorts I had on were so small they had to be against dress code, the boys were going to have a fun time with that one. At least I can prove to Jacob that I had in fact grown, he constantly points out that I’m smaller than him but I’ll happily not be a nearly 7ft giant thank you.

Speaking of Jacob, he waved at me from across the room and smiled when he saw me. I rolled my eyes at him and flipped him off, still mad at him. We’ll forget the heartbroken part for now. Jacob and the group of boys surrounding him laughed at my reaction. Jake rolled his own eyes at me with a smile still glued to his face and a boy next to him, maybe Eric I couldn’t tell from here, wolf whistled causing Jacob to shove him.

I could tell when Bella walked in because all of the boys’ heads turned towards the the noise. I ignored it and didn’t follow their eyes, I focused on jogging over to some of my girl friends.

Our coach instructed everyone to start doing stretches because we’d be playing volleyball today. Great. I literally wanted to die at the thought of that. I bent over to touch my toes when I felt something bump into me from the back, nearly knocking me over.

“What the f-” I blurted out, standing up and whipping around.

“Damn (y/n), that ass can’t be legal.” it was Lee Stephens and he had thrust his crotch into my ass. Casual bit of sexual assault to make the day even better.

“Lee, I will snap your dick off. Piss off.” I sourly smiled at him. I knew these shorts were a danger hazard but his behaviour was disgusting, I could be fully naked and he still had no right to do that.

“Yeah whatever.” he huffed. What did he have to huff about? Was that a pick up line or something? What did he expect?

The rest of the class went fine, I guess. I felt sweaty and gross and embarrassed but you can’t expect any less from gym. Bella was doing horribly at volleyball so she went to sit out, Angela trailing along behind her. They both sat down almost directly behind me. Great, now I have to listen to Bella’s voice and try not cry about it for the last 15 minutes.

“So, (y/n) and Jacob?” I heard Bella quietly ask Angela. My ears spiked up even more than they previously had. Me and Jacob?

“The unstoppable duo of Forks High! What about them?” Angela said in her happy little voice. It always gives me butterflies in the pit of my stomach whenever someone refers to me and Jacob like that.

“They’re not dating are they?” Bella quizzed. I scoffed out loud, getting a look from some of the girls around me who weren’t earwigging into a private conversation like I was. Was Bella interested in Jacob?

“Oh god no! I mean they’d make such a lovely couple, I think, but it’s like, basically incest. They grew up together. They’re basically one person. It’s weird to ever see them apart but it’s not like that, I’m sure.” 

Angela might as well have grabbed my heart and ripped it out with her bare hands. My guts were doing cartwheels and I felt violently sick.

“Hmm,” Bella made a noise like she was deep in thought. “I think she likes him.”

“You’re too confident about that. She's just very affectionate and he’s just very protective and he relies on her a lot, they could start making out in the middle of a corridor and everyone would be thinking ‘Wow they’re such lovely friends aww’. Trust me Bella. I love them both, I feel like I’d know.” I heard a chuckle come from Angela’s mouth, she clearly found herself very amusing. Bella didn’t laugh, she seemed to be very serious and I hated that. I hated that Bella could see right through me.

“I’m going to go say hi to him, he won’t stop looking over here.” Bella mumbled while standing up. She walked over to the boys’ side of the court and Jacob immediately followed her movements like a lost little puppy. I noticed myself staring just as I noticed the volleyball flying straight towards my face.

Gym finally came to an end which meant the end of the day and I couldn’t be more relieved. More than that, I was excited to be alone with Jacob again. Even though he’d been the cause for most of my anguish today, nothing makes me happier than it just being me and him against the world.

I took the time to put my regular clothes back on, not wanting to see those shorts ever again. I left my hair up and wrapped Jacob’s sweater around my arm like a fancy waiter with a napkin. I wanted nothing more than to put that sweater back on but after all that exercise I would boil to death. I left the locker room after waving goodbye to everyone who shouted bye at me and Jacob was already stood outside with that goddamn smile plastered on his face. At least one of us had a good time.

“M’lady.” he grinned, outstretching his arm for me to grab onto.

I happily accepted his invitation with the arm I wasn’t carrying his sweater with and snuggled up into his side.

We didn’t really speak until we got to his car, probably a comfortable silence for him but personally I was patiently waiting to explode in the privacy of the dilapidated vehicle. Jake pried me off his arm with a smirk as he walked round to the drivers side and opened up his door. We both stepped inside, I threw my bags and his sweater onto the backseat and sat staring at him until he made eye contact with me.

“Yes, my love?” he asked.

“Jacob, that was the worst experience of my life are you kidding me? Never, and I mean never, do that to me again! Especially without warning!”

“It can’t have been that bad!” he chuckled, probably daydreaming about his time with Bella.

“It was! I can’t even think which was worse: being hit in the face with the ball in front of everyone, being groped by Lee Stephens or having to listen to Angela and Bella gossip about us two! Never again, I mean it. I’m so angry at you.” I huffed, crossing my arms and shrinking down in the chair.

“Wait, Bella talked about me?” Jake asked. I glared at him, counting down from 5 in my head before I exploded again. 5, 4, 3… “Okay, wait, Lee did what?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t fucking see! He pretended to bend me over and fuck me in front of everyone in that gym. I did threaten to snap his dick off though.” I smiled thinking back, sadistically imagining Lee’s face contorting in pain.

“(Y/N) I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“Wait, Jaco-”

He began hyperventilating. He honestly looked like he was getting ready to punch a hole through his beloved car. I should’ve known I’d get this reaction but I had to tell him what happened, we tell each other everything. Nearly everything. Jacob flung the car door open and started climbing out so I jumped out of my own side and ran round the front of the car to stop him in his path.

“Jakey no, okay? Don’t do anything stupid. Breathe, please. Look at me. He doesn’t deserve your time. You’re literally burning up, please sit back down okay?” I pleaded with him, lightly shoving him back down into the driver's seat.

“I just don’t see why he thought he had the fucking right to-”

“I know Jakey, I know. It’ll be okay, I’m alright! See! Shh, calm down.” I whispered as he grunted profanities under his breath and tried to steady his breathing.

My goal was to drive away before Lee got outside. I pried Jacob’s giant legs open and stood between them, hugging his head to my chest and stroking his hair. He wrapped his arms around my torso and we stayed like that for a moment, forgetting the rush of teenagers around us. Maybe this is what Angela meant, everyone was just used to us being this close and affectionate that it didn’t phase a single person that left that building.

Eventually, he completely calmed down. He looked up at me with his big doe eyes and smiled to let me know he was okay. I smiled back, kissed the very top of his forehead and ruffled his hair like a little kid before removing myself from his grip to get back in the car. God I loved him.

Jacob decided to drive straight to a diner after school to treat us both, an apology to me and something to take his mind off of Lee. It was some small place on the side of a road, but what else could you find in Forks? It was homely. We both talked over our meals, Jake mostly quizzing me on what Bella said about me and him. I gave him short answers, avoiding the whole truth, but he was just happy that she spoke about him at all. He laughed loudly when I mentioned Angela’s incest comment and he nodded while stuffing his face with food. He really won’t give my heart a break. When we left he held my hand on the way back to the car.

“I love you loser!” he shouted out of his car window as I headed towards my house.

“Thank you for dropping me off! I love you so much!” I shouted back as I jogged down my drive. I spoke no word of a lie.


	4. Panic Room

“Jacob, it's still 2 months away!” I groaned, staring out of the car window at the blur of greenery. I shivered slightly as the freezing cold air rushed past us, seeping in through the cracks in his car.

“But it’s important! I’ll finally be 18! Care more!” Jacob whined in response, sticking his bottom lip out.

We were heading to school once again, struggling down the road in his pile of scrap metal. Jacob’s 18th birthday was creeping up on us and it’s all he could talk about. Well, that and Bella. It had been around a month since Bella joined Forks High and not too much had really changed, to my surprise. I was growing used to her presence, mainly because Jake and Bella didn’t actually speak to each other much. Jacob was mainly just stalking her from afar which he would not accept was creepy no matter how many times I told him. Bella had some nice friends and a painfully obvious fascination with Edward Cullen so she didn’t give Jacob much time of day.

“Is that you caring more? Are you thinking about how awesome it’s going to be?” Jacob questioned with a smirk on his face, snapping me out of my train of thought.

“I do care Jake, don't be silly. It’s all you talk about though, I can’t take much more of it.” I sighed, I could hardly remember the last time we actually spoke about anything else.

“I just want to get it planned properly and seen as you’re the most organised person I know you’re legally required to let me bounce my ideas off of you.” he laughed. I scowled at him. Sometimes being this boy’s best friend felt like a chore.

“I already said I’d talk to your dad about hiring out somewhere down at the reservation! Plus, you said he’s already willing to provide alcohol so what is there to organise? Please tell me so I can get it over and done with.”

“The guest list.”

“You know your own friends Jacob!” I huffed.

“Do you think I should invite Bella?” he sheepishly asked, biting his lip after he said it. Oh, so now I have to be his wingman too? Help the boy I’m hopelessly in love with get a girl. I hate my life.

“Why not ask her about it today? Bring it up casually, if you can even do casual around her.” I laughed and he was the one scowling now.

He turned the radio up to drown me out and I laughed even harder, punching his rock-solid arm which made the smile return to his face. We bopped our heads together to the generic pop song playing through the car.

We arrived at school and climbed out of his car. I noticed that Bella’s truck wasn’t in her usual spot yet but I didn’t mention anything out loud. Weirdly, the Cullens’ car wasn’t here yet either.

“Thank you for driving me to school!” I grinned at Jacob as he walked round the car to join me. We walked a few steps forward towards the building and then he nudged me in the ribs with his elbow, making me look up at him as he stopped walking. I automatically stop walking too, confused.

“You don’t have to do that, you know.” he said in a serious tone. My mind began racing. He could be talking about so many different things, I felt like my brain was going into overdrive trying to figure out the context. What if he’d figured out how I felt about him? Is he telling me to stop pretending? I felt sick.

“Do… what?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly.

“You thank me for driving you places way too often, it’s nothing! Not only do I enjoy spending car time with my favourite person but you don’t have too many other options. It’s my pleasure, I love you. You don’t have to thank me.” he smiled gently down at me, a warm and genuine smile.

Oh thank god that’s all he meant, I felt my whole body relax. That could have been disastrous. Letting what he'd said sink in properly, I felt quite flustered and I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.

“Always the gentleman.” I mumbled, turning slightly to hide my face from him. He laughed as he shook his head, elbowing me once again before carrying on our walk into the school building.

“Oh actually, speaking of being a gentleman, you look cold.” he said just before we reached the doors to hell. He pulled off the sweater he was wearing in one swift motion, so fast I could barely process what was happening. I smiled brightly as he threw it at me and I slipped it over my head, struggling for a moment with the arm holes. Jacob chuckled before turning his attention towards forcing the school doors open. I’m glad he wasn’t watching me because the blush on my face darkened.

The first thing I heard when we walked through the doors was murmurs of Bella’s name. It seemed like she was the name on everyone’s lips today. I looked up at Jacob confused and he looked down at me, mirroring my expression. Jacob’s eyes immediately scanned the halls, I assumed he was looking for someone to give us some context. I assumed correctly.

“Eric! Come here, man.” he shouted, waving Eric over with his hand.

My eyes wandered over to Eric who was talking to Angela at her locker, he seemed to be annoyed with Jacob’s intrusion. Angela spotted me and smiled, following Eric over towards us which seemed to put a small smirk back onto Eric’s face.

“Hey bro what’s up?” Eric asked, doing some weird guy handshake with Jacob. Angela and I both rolled our eyes.

“So what’s going on with Bella?” Jacob questioned, a small note of panic slipping through his voice which made my heart clench.

“Oh haven’t you heard?” Eric replied, sounding slightly stunned at that fact. Jacob huffed and I felt him tense next to me, I could picture him shouting _“Well obviously you idiot”_ but he managed to bottle it in. 

“I just thought you would have heard from Charlie, you know? Don’t get huffy with me.”

Doesn’t seem like Jacob will be asking Bella about his birthday today.

“Eric!” Angela groaned, obviously getting annoyed with how long Eric was taking to get to the point. I’m sure everyone within a 100ft radius could tell how worked up Jacob was getting. “Jake, she kind of ran away last night. There’s rumours it has something to do with the Cullens because they've disappeared too but they’re always disappearing so-”

Angela continued to ramble but her voice faded into nothingness inside my mind. I looked up at Jacob and he looked like he had just seen a ghost. His face paled slightly, it was hard to tell with his beautifully tanned complexion but I knew him. I knew Jacob better than anyone else and I cared about him. I stretched my hand out to grip his forearm in an attempt to ground him but I could feel him trembling.

“Thank you Angela, I’ll see you later okay? Biology, yeah?” I said, facing Angela for a brief moment and seeing her confused expression. I realised I had probably cut her off mid ramble but I didn’t care, I grabbed Jacob’s arm more firmly and pulled him down the corridor.

He let me lead him, his eyes still glazed over and scared. He looked like a child again, he looked like the 9 year old boy that needed me. I picked up my speed down the halls, faces turned to look at us as we sped past but they became a blur as I began to panic. My eyes busily scanned my surroundings for an empty classroom. I eventually found one quickly and pushed it’s door open with all the force I had. The door made a loud bang as it bounced off of the brick wall inside the classroom but I ignored it as I pulled Jake inside.

He slid down into a desk, moving gracefully like he’d become a ghost himself. I paced around the front of the room where a teacher would usually stand. My pacing probably didn’t put Jacob at much ease but my mind was frantic so my body reacted in the same way. I had no idea what to say to Jacob. How was I supposed to fix this for him? None of it made sense. Bella seemed really happy here now that she’d settled in so I bet the Cullen theory was somehow true which, of course, would make it all the worse for Jacob.

“Jake? Hey, could I have your phone? I’m going to call your dad.” I asked in the softest voice I could manage right now.

He looked up at me silently, nodded and slowly pulled his phone out. I stopped pacing to go retrieve his phone, I went to slide it out of his palm but he gripped onto my hand.

“Yeah Jakey?” I asked in the same tone as before.

He gripped my hand tighter and I worked out he just wanted to hold my hand right now. My plan was to go talk on the phone at the farthest part of the classroom so Jacob wouldn’t have to hear something he didn’t want to hear, instead I just grabbed the phone with my other hand and sat on top of his desk. I gave his hand a squeeze as I unlocked his phone, he gently squeezed back as I pressed call on his dad’s name.

“Hey Billy! Yeah it’s (y/n). I miss you too. Hey listen, do you know anything about the Bella situation? I could really do with all the gory details right now, I think Jacob’s gone into shock and trusting false rumours will only make it worse.”

We talked down the phone for about 25 minutes. Jacob’s dad told me absolutely everything that Charlie had told him. Bella had come home screaming and shouting at Edward Cullen, telling Charlie she’s moving back to Phoenix. She said some cruel things to Charlie and wasn’t acting like herself at all. She packed some stuff and drove away. Charlie had the whole police force working on figuring out what the hell had happened and where she could be. He went to question the Cullens, Edward in particular, but noticed none of them were home. The police are now suspicious of the Cullens however not particularly diving too deeply into them as Dr Cullen is well respected and trusted within the community, too trusted to stage something like this. I thanked Billy and told him to text me, not Jake, with any updates. He ended the call with a joke scolding about us skipping class and told me to visit soon. I knew I’d be seeing him sooner than expected with Jacob in this state.

“You hear any of that?” I asked Jacob, placing his phone on the desk next to my thigh. He nodded shyly, staring down at his shaking legs, not willing to look up at me.

He let go of my hand which he’d previously had in a death grip, the action worried me but before I had the chance to question him he stood up in front of me and pushed my legs apart with his knee. My mind immediately went to dirty places, me on a desk with Jacob between my legs… I felt the blush creeping up my neck but I quickly shooed the thoughts away. Now was absolutely not the time. Jacob stood between my legs and pulled me into a tight hug, holding my head to his chest with one large hand. I wrapped my arms around his torso as he buried his nose into my hair. He inhaled deeply but his exhale was still very shaky.

We stood like that for a while, I swear I could have fallen asleep in the warmth of his arms if my mind wasn’t racing. He moved slightly, putting his chin on the top of my head.

“I’m going to hunt Edward Cullen down myself.” Jacob spoke. His voice sounded rough, probably from not speaking for so long but also probably from the anger that radiated from his words. I had almost forgotten all of this was about Bella. That girl is giving me too many reasons to not like her.

“Jacob no, the police are working on it.” I murmur into his chest. I didn’t want to leave our little cocoon that we had made.

“I knew there was something insanely weird about him. I’m going to visit Charlie after school. I have to. I have to be involved. I’m so worried (y/n).” he whispered.

“I know Jacob, I’m worried too.” I said, pulling away from his warmth to look up at his face. I wasn’t lying, I was worried, but I was more worried about him than I was her.

“Want to come to Charlie’s?” he asked, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. My heart fluttered. His fingers felt so contrastingly gentle against his big, strong hand.

“How about you drop me off at yours? I can stay back and cook some food for Billy if you’re going to be a while at Charlie’s. You can drop your bags off at home and then go up.” I replied, staring into his eyes. It would be so ridiculously easy to kiss him right now.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Good plan. Could you maybe stay over for the night? I might be back a bit late but...”

“Of course!” I was planning on crashing at his anyway, cooking for Billy was just an excuse. I didn’t want him to be alone with his thoughts tonight. I’m glad he wanted me there too.

“Those fucking Cullens. Bella just wouldn’t do that by herself.” Jacob grumbled, looking up towards the ceiling.

“We’ll know more soon. No use getting angry Jakey. Things will be okay, I promise.” I said while reaching round to grab the hand on my back and giving it a firm squeeze.

His tense body relaxed slightly at my promise. Maybe I shouldn’t have promised him something like that. I hid it better than he did, clearly, but I was panicking too. I didn’t know where this would go, life seemed so unpredictable recently. But Jacob has always trusted my judgement and that made a smile creep onto my face.

We ditched the remaining 15 minutes of class and hung out in the empty room. We rummaged around the cupboards, drew doodles on the whiteboard and flung stationary at each other from across the room. It only took doing something as silly and childish as that to make Jacob’s smile return to his face.

We carried on the day as normally as we possibly could. Jacob began non stop asking me if his dad had text me with any updates but my reply stayed a constant “No, not yet love.” which would make his shoulders slump. He picked at his food at lunch and was a bit quieter than he usually would be during the classes we shared, which was understandable as Bella’s empty seat spoke volumes.

It took me until last period to realise I was still wearing Jacob’s sweater. This morning felt like it had happened a week ago. Once again, Bella had done something so outrageous that I’d forgotten I had been wearing my favourite thing in the entire world this whole time. The last class of the day was Biology and besides Angela’s bombardment of questions as to what happened this morning, I could focus on nothing but the comforting scent of Jacob’s sweater.

After the final bell rang I skipped out of the Biology building with a smile on my face to go meet Jacob by his car.

“Seems like someone’s happy.” he lightly chuckled as I hopped over to him as he lent against the hood. He opened up his big arms in a very welcoming invitation and I almost ran into them, cuddling into his body as he fell back slightly at the force of my impact and I wrapped my arms around his middle.

“I just missed you. And biology was quite nice.” I replied, thinking back to the hour I spent inhaling his smell.

I felt his body shake as he laughed at me. One of his hands pressed against the small of my back and the other trailed further up to play with my hair which was splayed across my back. A shiver ran down my spine. I hummed as my body completely relaxed into his, I felt completely content. There was a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me this was a slightly inappropriate mood to be rubbing in Jacob’s face when he was frantically worrying about Bella but I couldn’t help it. I could rarely help anything I did around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading! Ever kudos I get makes me so happy I stg it’s really the validation I need hahah. Feedback is very much welcome, if you have anything to say please comment!! <3


	5. Sleepover

The car ride to Jacob’s home from school was silent but comfortable. The radio was on quietly in the background and I absentmindedly hummed along to it as I curled up into Jake’s sweater, letting it engulf me. I watched his fingers tap on the steering wheel rhythmically as he drove, I could tell he was feeling anxious but he was doing so much better than he had that morning. Perhaps the tapping was due to the suspense of what Charlie would have to say to him.

I hopped out of the car as gracefully as I could manage when we pulled up outside of Jake’s house. He watched me from inside of the car as I stumbled in an attempt to pick up both mine and his bags from the back seat and I heard him let out a chuckle from the front. I managed to heave both of our belongings to the front door as Jacob did a U-turn on the gravel surrounding his small-but-cosy wooden house.

He rolled his window down and shouted “I’ll be back! Tell dad I say hi!” before driving away down the winding road. I sighed with effort as I opened his door and dragged our bags along the slope of Billy’s wheelchair ramp.

“Hi Billy!” I called out into the house, making my way into the tiny kitchen and pulling the bags up onto the table with a grunt. I heard Billy’s wheels approaching.

“Hello (y/n). Just you?” he asked in his gruff voice. His presence was always very commanding but I immediately felt comfortable around him; where others would see him as intimidating, I saw him as my slightly stern yet very loving second father. A big teddy bear, just like his son.

“Yeah, just me for now, Jacob’s gone up to Charlie’s house. I’m here to cook for you! And also to ask if you’ll let me stay over tonight.” I smiled cheekily at him.

“Oh how I’ve missed your cooking, Jacob’s too obsessed with the microwave. I’ll let you use food to make it up to me, always taking up the sleeping room in my house.” he laughed deeply. I tutted and shook my head at him, grinning at his joke. It’d actually been quite a while since I’d last slept at the Black household.

Billy wheeled himself back out of the kitchen and I heard the TV flicker on from the other room. It was only just approaching 4pm so I decided to do some homework before I started making the meal, it felt a bit too early. I rummaged through my bag and pulled out some History homework, I scanned it with my eyes and groaned at the amount of effort I’d have to put in. I’ve always been good at school but never particularly excellent, my friends always made jokes about me leaving important work until the very last minute so I’m sure me completing this a week early will shock some people. Especially Jacob. I laughed to myself at the thought.

I spent just over an hour and a half sat at the kitchen table working on my homework, deciding that was more than enough time. I got up and stretched my stiff legs as I began rummaging through the cupboards and the freezer for something to make. I came to the conclusion that they really needed to go grocery shopping. I decided lasagne was going to have to be the food of choice for tonight, which I knew Billy would be more than happy about. I got busy assembling the lasagne and when I was satisfied with it I put it in the oven with an accomplished grin. I washed everything I’d dirtied and wiped down the surfaces and by the time I’d done the timer began to buzz. As I was bending down to pull the lasagne out of the oven Billy wheeled in without being called for which made me smile to myself.

“I knew I smelt something good, my senses never fail me.” he chuckled at the back of his throat.

I dished up our portions, made a plate for Jacob and then wrapped the leftovers up for the fridge so the boys will have some meals prepped for the next few days. I liked doing things like that for Billy, the way to his heart was definitely good food.

We both sat and ate, mostly sat in comfortable silence except for Billy’s noises of appreciation and a brief conversation about Jake’s birthday.

“Would hiring somewhere out down here on the Res work? I’m sure if it’s too expensive then my parents will happily chip in. He really wants a big party.” I said.

“(Y/N), I told you to stop offering me money.” Billy scowled sternly into his food.

“I mean no disrespect and you know that, don’t be stubborn. I don’t see why my parents shouldn’t help with something like this when he’s practically their son too.” I giggled at his moodiness.

“Son-in-law one day, I’m sure.” he replied, smiling at the look on my face. I’m sure I looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I almost choked on my food, it was a close call. He grumbled out a laugh and carried on, “I’ll look for somewhere to hire out and let you know what I find.”

We both finished up our meals as it was getting dark outside, Billy thanked me and went back into the lounge to presumably carry on watching whatever he was previously watching. He’s never been one to stick around for conversation but I’ve grown up around it so I don’t expect anything different, it’d be more weird for him to start up small talk. I began washing up, another thing I’d grown up having to do in Jacob’s house as Billy can’t reach the sink in his wheelchair but it’s just manners to clean up after yourself anyway.

Just as I’d finished wiping down the last fork, Jacob came thudding through the front door.

“Hey dad!” he shouted from around the corner. I heard Billy shout a hello back, not bothering to press for what Charlie had told him. I, however, was nosy. Jacob peaked his head round the corner of the kitchen door frame and brightly smiled at me. I laughed at the sight of his bodiless head and flicked water from the sink at him from across the room. He flinched and scoffed and I laughed even harder.

“Hey loser, your lasagne is on the side but it’s definitely cold.” I said.

He grinned widely, happy to be fed, and shrugged not caring that it was cold. He grabbed his plate and sat down at the table as I dried off my hands.

“So… what happened?” I questioned, pulling up a seat next to his.

“Honestly not much exciting but Charlie said he’s going to involve me more in the case, like keep me in the loop I guess. He said she ran away Friday night so she’s been gone all weekend and the police department only announced it today, he apologised for not telling Billy sooner. Can’t blame the man, his mind was preoccupied. I feel calmer about it now but I wish I could actually go do something, you know? Bring her back.” he said, shoving a forkful of food in his mouth.

“I get that. I’m glad you feel better.” I said, reaching for his free hand. I placed my hand on top of his big palm and he wrapped his fingers around mine, stroking his thumb over my skin. I shivered at the feeling and blood rushed up to my face, thankfully he was too busy enjoying his food to notice. I knew he’d tease me for it.

We talked at the kitchen table for the rest of the evening, even after he’d finished wolfing down his lasagne. We talked and laughed about our days, not having a chance to have our usual catch-up at lunch or in the car due to his mood. I also updated him on his birthday plans. The whole time he didn’t let go of my hand once and whenever I thought about it I had to suppress a smug smile. I loved listening to Jake talk about absolutely anything, every word he said held my attention. He would get so passionate talking about the silliest things and it would always make me smile like an idiot. Sometimes we’d both start laughing and have no idea what caused it, it was just so easy to be happy around Jacob.

Eventually I heard Jacob’s dad call him from the lounge to help him get to bed which was a signal for the both of us to retire for the night too. It was a school night after all. Jacob told me to get myself ready for bed while he helped his dad which is when I realised I didn’t really have anything on me to assist myself in getting ready for the night.

I knew Jake wouldn’t mind at all if I borrowed some of his clothes so I skipped down the hallway to his room to root through his wardrobe. His room was a mess and I groaned out loud at the sight, what a stereotypical teenage boy. I’d usually shout at him to clean his room, stepping up as the mother figure, but the sight of his bed made me realise just how tired out I was and I yawned. The day had been exhausting, mentally and physically. I opened up his messy wardrobe and found the biggest shirt he owned and a random pair of shorts, I took the small pile of clothes and headed towards the bathroom to get myself organised.

As I stepped onto the cold tile of the bathroom floor it sent a cold shock through me which I once again groaned at, the coldness waking me up some. I switched the light on and groaned for the third time now, this time extra loudly. My eyes scanned the cold room and it was a mess, maybe worse than his bedroom.

“You okay (y/n)? Sounds like a grizzly bear broke into the house.” I heard Jake laugh from down the hall.

“Jake, you’re a mess.” I whined, rubbing my temples.

“You love it really.” he shouted. I grumbled in disagreement and closed myself into the bathroom, not bothering to lock it.

I rummaged around the bathroom cupboard for a spare toothbrush and surprisingly there actually was one, I suppose he never broke the habit of keeping a spare toothbrush for me like when we were little. I rarely ever stayed over at Jacob’s house for the night anymore as my house was usually where we would both crash, my parents were rarely home so it was less hassle. I smiled at the pink, packaged up toothbrush.

After I’d lazily washed my face and brushed my teeth I gained the energy to change my clothes, I was so tired I could hardly be bothered. I sat on the edge of the bath and took my clothes off until I was down to my bra and underwear. I was about to pull Jake’s oversized shirt over my head when-

“Hey I- WOAH SORRY.” Jacob burst into the bathroom, looked at me in my underwear, and then froze.

“Jake! What the fuck, get out!” I laughed loudly, quickly continuing to pull his shirt over my head. I tried my best to act nonchalant about the situation but the blush setting fire to my face betrayed me. The heat also travelled involuntarily down between my legs too but I tried really hard to ignore that. I felt so conflicted about the whole situation but I couldn’t help the lingering thought that I didn’t mind his staring one bit. “Or not, just stay I guess. Creep.” I said sarcastically as I looked over at him still standing frozen in the doorway despite me having a shirt on now.

He cleared his throat and shook his head, trying to also clear that I suppose. He then laughed at himself and I couldn’t help but join in and laugh too.

“Well that was weird.” he chuckled after a while.

“Correction. You. You were weird.” I replied, still seeing his shocked expression in my head.

“Okay yeah, I’ll give you that one.” he laughed back.

“You’ve literally seen me in a bikini, you horny teen. You didn’t go into shock then.”

“Excuse me, do not bring anything sexual into this, that was like walking in on a family member naked. I feel icky.” he shivered.

I couldn't help but scowl, he was really trying to damage my ego any chance he got. He looked confused at my reaction, he opened his mouth to say something but I just stuck my tongue out at him, grabbed the shorts that I still had to put on, and squeezed past him out of the bathroom. I walked straight back to his bedroom without looking behind me and plopped down on the bed. I immediately pulled the covers over me, realising I was nearly shivering at how cold the bathroom was. The warmth enveloped me and I felt my body relax into the mattress.

I woke up startled, I tried to sit up but something heavy was restricting me from getting all the way up. I let my body fall back down and I observed my surroundings. Oh, I was in Jacob’s room. When had I fallen asleep?

I soon noticed that it was Jake’s big, broad arms acting as a seatbelt around me that restricted me from sitting up. He was behind me, being the big spoon, with his arms wrapped tightly around my torso. I couldn’t help but blush at the situation. I loved having Jacob close to me but my bed is a lot bigger than his so we’re never usually... _this_ close. I blushed even more when I realised I was only in my underwear and one of his shirts. I bet he laughed when he found me passed out on his bed with no shorts on. Creep. Jacob wasn’t much better, he was completely naked except for a pair of old shorts.

I suddenly became overwhelmed at the thought of my nearly naked ass pressed firmly against his crotch with his naked chest against me. It was a lot to take in. I tried to shift myself away slightly to stop my head from spinning, but his arms pinned me firmly in place. My heart began to race and I couldn’t calm myself down, no matter how many times I cursed myself out in my head for being so ridiculous.

I tried relaxing into his arms and closing my eyes in an attempt to will myself to sleep. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and the inside of my eyes were spinning like I was drunk. I loudly groaned at myself for behaving like this, I just wanted to sleep, why couldn’t I stop obsessing over Jacob?

I squeezed my eyes closed and before I knew it, an alarm was going off. Had I fallen back asleep? Or had I woken up a few minutes before the alarm went off? I felt so disorientated. I elbowed Jacob, digging into his ribs, and he grumbled.

“Get up and turn that off Jake.” I whined, trying to violently shove him off of me. His arms were still refusing to budge. “Jacob I’ll scream.” I threatened.

“Shhhh.” he whispered, his eyes still closed as he pulled me impossibly tighter into him.

I furiously blushed, grateful that he couldn’t see my face right now. I struggled out of his grip, kicking and fidgeting. My fit made the blankets fly off of the bed, leaving us exposed to the cold morning air which made Jacob groan and loosen his grip. I dived over his body towards the alarm and quickly turned it off, I didn’t want to start the day with a headache. I flopped onto Jake’s stomach when the buzzing stopped and he grunted at the shock of my weight. I laughed at him and let my arm fall over his face, earning another grunt at the impact of my hand on his cheek.

“I’ll call 911 if you don’t stop assaulting me.” he said in a rough voice, his lips grazing against the back of my hand as he spoke. I cursed myself for blushing once again.

“At least you’d get up.” I giggled. He slowly moved beneath me, I thought I’d won the battle until his hands grazed my sides and he began tickling me.

“JACOB S-STOP THAT STOP IT.” I screamed as I laughed so hard my ribs began to ache. He said nothing as he continued tickling me, a stupid smug smirk was covering his face though. “JAKE WE HAVE SCHOOL PLEASE-” I choked out between pained laughs.

“Not for another hour.” he replied, a sleepy chuckle leaving his lips as he carried on his assault.

“IT TAKES HALF AN HOUR TO GET THERE! JACOB BLACK STOP IT.”

“Fine.” he laughed, completely stopping and then pulling my body up into a sitting position like I weighed nothing at all.

It took me a moment to calm myself down and collect myself but when my breathing returned to normal I couldn’t help the blush that creeped up my neck... again. I had to get the blushing thing under control. He’d pulled me into a position where I was straddling his lap, his hands were holding my waist underneath the shirt I’d stolen from him. When had he gotten under there? My bare legs and underwear were on full show as his arms held my shirt up around my stomach. Our faces were terrifyingly close, I felt my uneven breath hitting his skin. I watched his eyes fall downwards to take in our position, following the trail of my bare legs leading to my barely covered crotch on top of his and then looking at the skin he’d revealed of my torso. I sat frozen still as he raked his eyes across my body, a shiver licking down my spine.

And then, all of a sudden, he threw me onto the floor.

“Jacob! What the f-” I shouted, staring at him with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry, I panicked.” he interrupted me, stifling a laugh at the sight of me on his floor. Thankfully, his blankets caught my fall so I didn’t break my ass.

Without looking back at him I huffed, picked a clean-looking shirt up from his floor, and stormed off out of his room. I heard him shouting my name from somewhere behind me but I ignored him, slipping into the bathroom and closing it. I knew he wouldn’t make the same mistake of barging in twice so I felt safe enough to get ready for the day.

I noticed my own clothes were still in a messy pile on the bathroom floor, _thanks, Jake, for not tidying them up_ I thought sarcastically. I noticed I’d left my phone in my jean’s back pocket as I slipped them on and tucked Jacob’s clean-ish shirt into them. That would have to do for my outfit for today. Maybe I should’ve planned staying overnight more thoroughly.

I checked my phone and it alerted me that we had about 5 minutes before we needed to be on the road. I panicked slightly and started trying to brush my teeth and put on my shoes at the same time. I heard Jacob shout something muffled to his dad and then the front door open, making me rush even more. I ran out of the bathroom towards the kitchen, grabbed my bag and an apple, and shouted a quick goodbye to Billy before bursting out of the door and running towards Jacob’s car. I could see Jake laughing at me through the windshield as he turned the engine on. I flipped him off as I jogged over to the passenger side.

“Weirdo.” he laughed, looking at me with his beaming smile as I opened up the car door.

“Me? A weirdo? You’re the one who keeps a spare toothbrush just in case I come round.” I teased him as I sat down and threw my bag over my seat. He turned his head away from me but I looked in the rear view mirror and saw him start to blush at my accusation and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. He smiled shyly and we set off driving. I thought about the deep red that littered his cheeks for days after that.

We were just less than 10 minutes away from school when Jacob’s phone began ringing. I looked at him puzzled and he looked equally confused himself. He kept one hand on the steering wheel and reached into his back pocket to pull out his phone, he then handed it over to me. I answered it without looking at the caller ID and spoke:

“Jacob Black’s phone! He’s currently driving but I can pass along the message.”

“(Y/N), I assume? Hi, it’s Chief Swan. Let Jacob know Bella’s safe. She’s in a hospital in Phoenix but she’ll be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves I hope everyone is doing okay. I was thinking about going back to edit some of the chapters because I feel like I could have written some of them better but I'm not sure yet. I've been working on another twilight fic as well recently which I'm quite excited about. I hope you enjoy this chapter though! Let me know what you think and thank you for reading it <3


	6. Teen Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note to say I've started another twilight fic, an Alice x Jasper x Reader fic, and I'd appreciate it if you checked it out! There's currently only one chapter but all feedback and love is welcomed. Anyway! Back to Jacob.

It took all day to try to convince Jacob to not get on the next flight to Phoenix. It took me, Angela, Eric and a phone call from Jacob’s dad between classes to persuade him to stay in Forks until Bella came back home. I invited Angela and Eric over to our lunch table as we decided we desperately needed to have an intervention.

“Jake, even your dad said you can’t afford a plane ticket. Stop sulking.” I whined at him during lunch, saddened by his mood.

“And don’t you think it’s weird that you hardly know each other and you’re wanting to fly across the country for her?” Angela questioned. 

“Yeah bro, she’d probably think you’re a stalker or something.” Eric laughed, hitting Jacob on the back. Jacob pulled a face.

“He already acts like one, trust me.” I said, joining in laughing. Jacob pouted like a toddler when even Angela started laughing at him.

“Charlie said she’s definitely coming back to live in Forks, you can manage a couple of days more without her Jacob!” Angela smiled softly.

“I don’t want to see you giving the Cullens any grief either.” I scowled directly at Jacob.

“But it’s their fault!” he groaned in response, folding his arms on top of the table and burying his face into them. Angela rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him but I think her giggling had the opposite effect.

“It’s not their fault, Charlie said the Cullens only followed her to Phoenix to bring her back!” I replied.

“And you believe that?” Jacob sourly mumbled into his arms.

“You’re ridiculous, man.” Eric chuckled.

“Come on Eric don’t be mean. I just think he’s in love.” Angela tutted at Eric. I felt my stomach twist at her words and suddenly the food in front of me looked anything but appetising. I could hardly accept the idea of Jacob having a silly little crush but ‘love’? Wow. Ouch. Fuck.

Jacob’s foul mood forced me into quite a solemn mindset for the rest of the day, the only thing keeping my head above the water was Angela’s company in the rest of my classes. Angela went between teasing Jake and reassuring me that he was just being dramatic. She wasn’t wrong, he was dramatic, but I couldn’t shake the word ‘love’ from my head. If Jake truly was in love with Bella I couldn’t help but feel like things were about to massively change for the worse.

The rest of the days that went by were quite dull. Angela and Eric hung around me and Jacob quite a bit more than they usually would, probably sensing that it was a bit too much for me to deal with all his negative energy by myself. I heard murmurs around our other friends that we were picking favourites and I simply laughed that off. They would never have offered to help with Jacob if he wasn’t receiving insider information from Chief Swan, everyone wanted to hear the gossip. Angela was even being nice enough to call me every night after school to stop me from feeling lonely in my empty house. I'm sure she had Eric calling Jacob to check in on him at the same time but she wouldn’t confirm or deny. Those two needed to get in a relationship already, she had him wrapped around her finger yet she was too oblivious to even notice.

“Do you…” I started, laying on my bed with my phone on my chest.

“Do I what?” Angela laughed through the phone.

“Do you think Jacob really does love Bella?”

Angela paused for a moment, deep in thought, before speaking again “Maybe. It definitely seems that way. You’re still his favourite girl, don’t worry about that.”

I clung to those words, it helped me sleep at night. It helped me look Jacob in the eye without bursting into tears. I was still his favourite.

The next week finally rolled round and I couldn’t help but feel relieved that the weekend was over. Jacob was too busy fussing about Bella to make any plans, Angela was doing something with Jessica, and I didn’t feel in the mood to deal with anyone else. I had a Skype call with my parents but all they had to say is that their project was coming to an end so they’d be home in around 2 weeks. It was a boring, lonely, long weekend but it was finally over.

It was Monday morning when I woke up to violent banging on my front door. I shot up in bed, shocked, and dragged myself out of bed with a sigh. I jogged down the stairs straight to the front door and pulled it open.

“Well you look tired.” Jacob greeted me with a grin on his face.

“Jacob! What the fuck? My alarm hasn’t even gone off yet, why are you here?” I groaned. He laughed and pushed past me, making his way into my lounge and throwing himself onto my couch.

“Could I have some coffee?” he asked, smiling at me where I was standing by the door frame. I walked to the kitchen, flicked the kettle on, and walked back to the lounge. I sat down next to Jacob, enjoying his body heat as I was almost freezing to death in the early morning chill.

“Why are you here? What time even is it?” I asked, my voice still rough with sleep. Jacob laughed at me again and ruffled his hand through my already messy hair.

“Well! I have exciting news.” he grinned.

“Spill then.”

“Bella’s back at school today!” Jacob shouted as the kettle whistled in completion from inside the kitchen. My eyes widened as I slowly stood up from the couch to go make us both that coffee. I heard Jacob get up as well to follow me.

“That’s so exciting isn’t it! I don’t have to stress out all the time now, I swear I’ve gotten some grey hairs from worrying. I bet the Cullens will be back today too, I’m going to keep my eye on that Edward. No funny business, I promise! I just don’t trust him. He’s no good for Bella.” I let him ramble.

I passed him his mug of coffee as I slid down into a chair at the kitchen table. I sipped from my mug as Jacob leaned on the counter-top and ranted about Bella and the Cullens and Phoenix and Bella’s broken leg. I had no idea what to think other than that familiar aching feeling that things were about to change. I hoped I was just being ridiculous and paranoid but I just couldn’t shake it. I heard my alarm buzzing from upstairs and used that as my excuse to leave the conversation, Jacob was happy enough waiting for me in the kitchen drinking his coffee.

I took my time getting ready, avoiding the day ahead. I didn’t want to watch Jacob drool over Bella all day and then inevitably start an argument with Edward and put all of that on me. I’d do anything for him, support him through everything, but he wasn’t listening to anyone’s warnings or advice anymore and it was getting tiring. He was in his own little dream world and I had to deal with the fall out of it not going completely how he planned.

I was silent on the drive to school but Jacob hardly noticed, he talked to himself and sang along joyfully to the radio in his happy little bubble. When we arrived at the school parking lot I could almost hear Jacob’s heart beating out of his chest as Bella came into view, standing beside Edward and his Volvo, happily chatting away to Alice Cullen. Jacob parked up and stepped out of the car, I slowly followed, dragging myself out. 

“What should I do? I’m not going near the Cullens.” Jacob grumbled, leaning on the hood of his car, bitterness seeping through his tone. I settled myself down next to him and followed his eyes to where they were trained on the back of Bella’s head.

Almost as if they had somehow heard us from so far away, Edward leaned down to whisper something to Bella and her head immediately whipped round towards Jacob. She smiled and waved at the both of us, I smiled at her but Jacob enthusiastically waved back. I watched Bella get herself organised, shoving metal crushes underneath her arms, before she started making her way over to us. Even from a distance Edward looked anxious, maybe because he wanted to physically support Bella so she didn’t fall over or maybe because he didn’t trust Bella with Jake. Either way, he clearly didn’t seem to want Bella to leave his side for even a second. Weird.

“Hey Jacob! Hey (y/n).” Bella shouted over. Jake immediately shot up from where we were both leaning to go give Bella his arm for support on her broken leg. The vine of that boy saying ‘I don’t care if you broke your elbow’ would not stop playing on repeat in my head and I had to stifle a laugh. I wasn’t a mean person, of course I cared that Bella was hurt, but I couldn’t deny that I was slightly bitter of the attention she was receiving from Jacob.

“Charlie told me how worried you were Jake, I’m sorry, I should’ve called. Thank you though.” Bella said as Jacob placed her down next to me on the hood of his car, I don’t think I’d ever been this close to her before. She even smelled perfect, what was wrong with this girl?

“He almost flew out to bring you home himself.” I chuckled, trying to include myself in the conversation to be polite. Bella laughed lightly and Jacob frowned at me.

“It’s okay, Edward brought me back.” Bella said, smiling to herself. I heard Jacob growl lowly at her words and if I was in reach I would’ve elbowed him.

“So, what is going on with you and Edward?” Jacob asked sourly, gritting his teeth together.

“Hmm. A lot.” she spoke lightly, deep in thought. She tensed up and looked away as she said the words, clearly finding this conversation awkward. Jacob tensed up too, a mixture of sadness and anger flashing through his face. “Enough about me, what about your love lives? (Y/N)? Any crushes?” Bella said, diverting the attention to me. She didn’t seem the type for girly talk, I was suspicious. She was definitely snooping.

“Nope, not me. I’ve been too busy babysitting Jacob.” I choked out, forcing a laugh. Bella lightly chuckled but I caught the disbelieving look on her face.

The rest of the day was just as much of a drag as the morning had promised it would be. Jacob clung extra close to Bella all day, practically harassing her in every class that Edward wasn’t in. All attention was on Bella and her return, even Angela and Eric went back to sitting at her lunch table. I couldn’t help but snicker at their faces as they watched Bella walk straight past them to sit with the Cullens. In other circumstances, I’m sure me and Bella would have made great friends but I just couldn’t seem to make myself bridge the gap. Plus, staring at Jacob’s sad puppy dog face all day made me upset and bitter.

Life carried on after that, things were relatively normal for a month or so. Jacob and Bella had grown closer but only every so slightly. It was clear that her and Edward were officially dating but she avoided that topic near Jacob, not wanting to rub it in his face. I’m glad she was being gentle. I was warming up to Bella, well, I could at least stand seeing her without my heart tearing to shreds thinking about Jacob. The Cullens avoided us, especially the tiny girl Alice, but I’m sure Jacob was grateful for that. I began to grow suspicious of how peaceful life had been, it’d been too long since something Bella-related had fucked me over. That was until Jacob got a call from Chief Swan.

We were laying in the middle of my bedroom, my parents home and occupying the lounge for once, doing our homework together in comfortable silence when Jacob jumped out of his skin at the sudden ringing of his phone.

“Charlie?” he questioned as he held the phone to his ear. I tried to strain my ears to hear Charlie’s response but my attempts failed, I sat up anxiously waiting for the phone call to end. It felt like years before Jacob hung up the phone.

“Jakey?” I asked gently, scanning his face for any clues as to what was happening. He was definitely in shock, unmoving and unbreathing. I gave him a minute to collect himself but before I could even react he was bolting out of my bedroom.

“Jake?” I shouted after him, scrambling to stand up. I chased him down the staircase, worry and panic flooding over me.

“Bella’s missing. Charlie said she never made it home. She was last with that bastard Edward. I have to help. Sam’s helping, he’ll meet me there.” he panted, throwing his jacket on and heading towards the front door.

“Jacob wait, I’ll come-” I started but he left, slamming the door behind him in his rush.

I stood still in the hallway in shock, trying to take the situation in, my chest heaving. Okay, so Bella was missing. Shit. Our friendliness over the past month or so had me severely worrying about her wellbeing. But Bella was a clumsy, bizarre girl and she had been missing all of what? 2 hours maybe? And Jacob had bolted out of the door without looking back. I groaned loudly and kicked a pair of stupid shoes laying in the middle of the hallway out of frustration.

“What was that noise?” my dad asked, peeking his head out of the lounge. Anger painted his face, disgruntled by the sudden racket me and Jacob had caused, until he watched me crumble into a pile on the floor.

My back slid down the wall behind me as I crashed down to the ground, hugging my knees and hiding my face in them. I sat and cried for a while but I couldn’t put my finger on what the real problem was. Were they angry tears? Angry that Jacob would drop anything for his precious Bella. He would ditch his best friend without so much as a goodbye. Were they sad tears? Sad for Bella, sad that Jacob left without inviting me along, sad that Jacob had slammed the door in my face. I think my emotions summed up to one word: heartbreak. I was quickly becoming second best in Jacob’s mind, breaking our promises of forever with each other. I didn’t even realise I was hyperventilating until I heard myself gasp for air. Tears ran down my face as my father gently patted my shoulder, affection was never his strong suit.

“He promised me we’d always be together. Always be each other's first priority. Always be each other's shoulder to cry on. He promised he’d never make me feel sad but I’ve been nothing but recently.” I choked out in between low sobs. My world felt like it was crashing down around me but it had been for a while now, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was due a big cry.

“I’m sure everything's okay. You’ve been through worse. He loves you, (y/n). I’m sure whatever has happened will pass, it hurts now but you’re just being slightly dramatic.” my dad said.

“Gee, thanks.” I mumbled, scrunching my eyes tightly closed. I pulled myself up off of the floor and hauled myself up the stairs, I just wanted to be alone. I heard my father say something from behind me but my brain was too foggy to process it.

That night I hardly slept, I couldn’t stop thinking. My thoughts buzzed around my head at 100mph. I shot Jake a text asking him to keep me updated because I was genuinely getting worried about Bella but he read the message without replying. Okay, so maybe my dad was right, I was being a bit dramatic. It’s just I had never had to deal with the feeling of losing Jacob before. He was my rock, the one constant in my life. Yet here he was, prioritising someone else. Someone who was currently missing. I cursed at myself for being so selfish, Bella could be in danger and here I was making it about me. Despite that, I soaked my pillow with tears into the early morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I know it hasn't been long since I lasted updated but I have nothing else to do really. Also, I changed the spacing of each chapter. A small change but unless you're a new reader then it'll be quite obvious I assume. As always, let me know what you thought! Thank you for the encouragement, it's really what keeps me writing. I hope you're all doing well <3


	7. Selfish Unselfish Acts

Jacob didn’t turn up to school the next day which massively sucked, the worst part was that he never actually thought to let me know. Thankfully my parents being home meant I still had a ride to school but I was 10 minutes late after sitting around waiting for Jacob. My mom drove me to school, watching me in her interior mirror with concern painting her face the whole drive. I just stared out of the window at this miserable Forks weather and got lost in my thoughts, thoughts mostly about Jacob.

I barely stepped out of the car before I was bombarded with questions as to where Jacob was and if he had any news on Bella, I simply shrugged and pushed past the small crowd that had formed. I didn’t have the time or energy to deal with the world right now. For the rest of the day no one else really bugged me, I heard my name littered within a few whispers in class but most of the attention was on worrying about Bella which I was grateful for. Look at that, Bella helping me out for once.

I decided to skip school midway through lunch, hating the loneliness of Jacob not being there. His empty seat beside me left an empty feeling in my chest. The main problem with my parents being home was that I couldn’t just bunk off, I needed a plan. I decided I was going to walk to Charlie’s house, despite the rain, and I texted my mom telling her I was going to Angela’s after school. My lie was easily bought and I hurriedly left the cafeteria, trekking through the dreary Forks weather with my coat bundled up tight and my hood up. I cursed myself for not bringing earphones to block out the sound of my own thoughts, I didn’t want to be alone with them for this long. To be fair, if I did start crying no one would be able to tell through the rain. I chuckled at the thought and pulled out my phone to check it, a quick distraction. I had a text from Angela asking where I was but it sounded more curious than panicked so I left it for now.

I had no idea how to feel about Jacob in that moment and it was frustrating me beyond belief. I was angry at him but it wasn’t something I could talk to him about, if I tried to explain myself I’d sound bitter and jealous over Bella. Maybe I was? But it was much more than that, and that’s what I wouldn’t ever be able to explain. He was supposed to be my best friend and he kept putting me in situations that best friends usually wouldn’t. He was being quite selfish but how could I say that to someone who had just spent all night searching for a lost girl? He was trying his best, and I know that, but I hated how oblivious he was to the hurt he was causing me. I was tired of my brows constantly being furrowed and my heart constantly feeling bruised. Tears pricked my eyes and I cursed myself for letting myself think about him. I needed to get a grip and stop relying on him so much but that’s all I’d ever done my entire life, I’d have to start from scratch and completely rewire my brain. I need to start doing things with our other friends more, friends like Embry and Quil and Angela. 

I was so caught up in my own depressing thoughts that I didn’t even realise that I had made it to Charlie’s house, Bella’s house. I smiled as I recognised Jacob’s car in the driveway mingled in amongst many, many other cars. I knocked on the door of the house and it didn’t take long before it swung open, making me stumble back in shock. I was greeted by an eager looking Charlie, his eyes looking frantically at mine, until he sighed and looked defeated. He probably expected Bella and was disappointed to see me standing there, Charlie and Jake had much in common.

“(Y/N), right? Jacob Black’s friend?” he asked, forcing a fake and brief smile onto his face.

“That’s me. I came round to check on Jake, see if Bella’s home, anything really. I feel a bit useless, honestly.” I nervously chuckled, what was it about being in front of the Chief of Police that made me want to tell him way too much?

“Don’t we all.” he huffed. “Come on in, you look drenched.” 

I smiled lightly at him and entered his home, grateful to be greeted by the warmth. The house looked slightly familiar but that must have been from the photos I had seen of young Jacob and Bella. I took my damp coat off and hung it on a hook by the door before following Charlie into his living room. I saw another police officer sitting down in an armchair and politely nodded my head at him before sitting myself down at the edge of the sofa. I was too anxious and uncomfortable to relax myself into the seat but I didn’t want to stand around like an idiot. Charlie sat down on the opposite side of the couch to me, throwing himself down with a heavy sigh.

“Having Bella for a daughter is hard work.” he chuckled, no real humour seeping through the laugh.

“She’ll come home, I’m sure of it.” I smiled gently looking up at him, he smiled back but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sorry to come round, I just didn’t know what else to do. I’m not here to be nosy.”

“You’re Jake’s friend, I trust you. Unless you give me a reason not to, of course. Bella’s mentioned you.” Charlie grumbled. I scowled slightly, what did Bella have to say about me?

“Where is Jake?” I asked, the main reason I was here, really.

“He’s out searching with everyone else, I think he was with another boy from La Push.” 

“Sam?” I questioned, thinking back to what Jacob had spit out the night before. Jacob being with Sam would usually be reassuring but Jake had been complaining about Sam recently, saying stuff like he’s acting weird and has changed and thinks he’s the boss of everyone. I couldn’t help but scowl at the thought of him letting Sam boss him around.

“That’s the one. I would be out there too but I’ve been put on staying-at-home-in-case-she-turns-up duty. And we’ve been listening to the police radio in case anything comes through.” Charlie said, nodding his head towards the other man in the room.

“Ah.” I replied dully, hugging my knees to my chest. I felt uncharacteristically shy and small and on edge.

Only a few moments passed before I heard a commotion growing outside of the house. I looked over at Charlie but he had already stood up and bolted for the door, I followed behind him and so did the police officer.

“Charlie!” I heard Jacob’s voice shout from outside as Charlie pulled open the front door. Hearing Jake’s voice made me want to push past Charlie and run outside to him but I let Charlie take his time reacting, he seemed to be in shock.

As Charlie moved from the door, charging over to the bustling crowd, I saw Bella draped in Sam’s arms. Sam looked a lot more muscly than when I had last seen him, his hair was shorter and he looked slightly menacing. Oh, but Bella. She looked dead. Her face was pale and she looked frozen, her nose and lips looking completely blue. I stumbled my way over, following Charlie, as my mind began to whirl. Bella could not be dead. The curious, mysterious girl I held an immature grudge against simply could not be dead. No way.

Jacob was busy chattering away to Charlie, his words flowing at 100mph as his hands shook. Sam was carrying Bella inside when Charlie took her off of him with a scowl. The crowd’s focus moving from Charlie to the house which I stood beside meant that Jacob’s eyes turned towards me. He froze, looking shocked and confused for a moment, before he ran at me with open arms. I couldn’t even process what was happening when I felt his big, warm arms embrace my stiff body. It was one of his rib-cracking hugs and I felt my arms get crushed in his embrace as he lifted me up off of the ground. He placed me back down and put his chin on my head, inhaling deeply and relaxing his arms ever so slightly. Every worry I had previously had melted away in his arms, every worry except…

“Jake, is she…?” I murmured, my voice sounded distant and small.

“Huh?” he spoke into my hair.

“Is she dead?” I asked, clearing my throat. I squeezed my eyes tight, bracing myself for the answer. I felt Jacob’s head move, he pushed me away from his chest but he held a firm grip on my upper arms as he stared into my eyes.

“She’s not dead, (y/n). Me and Sam found her in the forest, he carried her back. She’s breathing, she’ll be okay.” he spoke softly, releasing one of my arms to stroke his thumb against my cheek. I sobbed out a shaky sigh of relief and Jacob pulled me back into his embrace.

He shook slightly with light laughter, “And here I thought you didn’t like her.”

“Not the time, Jake.” I mumbled into his chest, focusing on breathing in his musky scent.

“Sorry.” he whispered, kissing the top of my head. “Thank you for being here.”

“Yeah, you know me. You and Sam though, huh?” I smiled against him.

“Don’t talk about it.” he chuckled, pulling me closer. It was nice having Jake to make the situation lighter, make me feel more grounded once again.

We stayed in our embrace for a while, Jake was keeping me warm and safe, until I felt a tap on my shoulder. I pried Jacob’s arms off of me and swivelled round.

“Charlie’s shooing everyone away, time to leave, love birds.” it was Sam in all his bare chested, muscly glory.

“Sam!” I grinned as he pulled me into a tight hug, ruffling my hair.

“Long time no see, kid.” he smiled. He had my still wet coat in his arms and he passed it to me with a grin.

“I heard you and Jake are the heroes of the day.” I mused.

“Me, mostly.” he winked. I giggled and looked behind me to observe Jacob’s reaction but he looked very, very unamused.

“There’s a doctor checking over Bella, she’ll be just like new soon enough. Just a bit of hypothermia he thinks. Let me know if you find out what happened to get her there.” Sam said to Jacob. Jacob nodded once, stiffly, and Sam returned the nod before jogging off into the darkness.

“Let’s go then.” Jacob smiled through gritted teeth. I grabbed his big hand as we walked over to his car, he gave my hand a squeeze before jogging round to the driver’s side.

“Are you okay, Jake?” I asked while slipping my seatbelt on. It was a very general question, a lot had happened in the past 24 hours.

“I didn’t like how Sam hugged you.” he admitted, clenching his jaw as he turned the engine on.

I rolled my eyes, “Really, Jake? Of everything you’ve just been through, that’s what bugs you the most?”

“It made me feel weird. I just don’t trust him.” he shrugged.

“Got it, no hugging Sam.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Jacob rolled his eyes this time but grinned over at me with his big toothy grin.

Before we set off he grabbed my hand and placed it on the gear stick, I looked up at him with a questioning scowl. He placed his palm on top of my hand and put the car into first gear using my hand, pulling out of Charlie’s drive. I blushed slightly as Jacob stayed holding my hand the whole drive back to my house, squeezing tighter when he switched gears. We sat in comfortable silence, it was what we both needed after the whirlwind of emotions we had both been through that day. I tried my best to not linger on any particular thoughts.

“Want me to stay over tonight?” Jacob asked as we neared my house.

“Want you to, yes. Sadly, can’t happen.” I replied and he jokingly pouted, I giggled and swatted his arm.

“How come?” he pressed.

“I’m supposed to be at Angela’s right now. Speaking of, could you drop me off here? I can’t risk my parents seeing your car.”

He quirked his eyebrows up and looked at me suspiciously from the corner of his eye, “Why lie about where you are?”

“I bunked off school to walk to Charlie’s, needed a cover story.”

“You walked? (Y/N)! I leave you for one day.” he groaned, his head falling back after he finished parking up on the side of the road.

“Oi Mister, don’t get all bossy with me.” I chuckled.

“I just worry about you.” he whined, his eyes closed with his head still pointing up towards the roof of the car. My heart melted under his words and I felt butterflies rise in the pit of my stomach.

“You didn’t even know it happened. I, however, didn’t hear from you for nearly 24 hours. Call it even?” I giggled, placing my hand on his arm.

He opened one of his eyes and looked down at the hand on his arm and then up at me, “Touche.”.

“Call me tonight though?” I asked while taking off my seatbelt, getting ready to step out into the cold.

“Good compromise.” he smiled. I smiled back and stepped out into the dark and chilly Forks air. I jogged down the road, wanting to get home before I froze to death. Jacob’s car lit up the path for me as he did a U-turn in the empty road.

“Bye loser!” he shouted through his rolled down window, I was surprised his words didn’t get swallowed up by the gale force winds. I waved and blew him a kiss which I saw him chuckle at before he drove away.

I made it to my front door and burst through it, desperate to be out of the biting cold. I shouted a quick “Hi!” to my parents before running to my room to throw on my fluffiest hoodie and my warmest pair of sweats. I cringed at the sight of Jacob’s homework scattered around my floor, memories of last night’s crying session flickering through my head, but I ignored it. Things were good right now, plus we were about to call which is something we rarely did anymore. We see each other often enough to not need to call each other for anything, if we want to talk we do it in person. The rare times that I get to fall asleep on the phone to Jacob are the best night's sleep I had ever got.

I checked my phone quickly to see if I had any messages. I had plenty, it wasn’t very shocking that they were all about Bella and if I knew anything. I ignored them all except Angela’s, it’s the least she deserves.

_Text back! What’s happened?_ her message said.

_went to check on jake, bella’s been found and she’s safe x_

I immediately got a response, no doubt Angela was staring at her phone waiting for this moment.

_Oh thank God. Wanna call to talk about it? x_

_i’m calling jake tonight, see u tomorrow though! x_

_Ugh! Fine! Goodnight x_

I giggled before slipping into my warm clothes and moaning at the feeling of my muscles relaxing. My teeth were still chattering together as I went downstairs to raid the fridge, managing to avoid my parents and their questioning. I brought a small feast up to my room and as I arrived back I spotted my phone lighting up on my bed with a silly picture of me and Jake from a few years ago.

“Not you again.” I giggled into the phone as I answered it, putting it on speaker as I arranged myself on my bed.

“I can hear your teeth chattering from here, you should be used to the cold by now. You live in Forks, (y/n).” he laughed back.

“Just because you’re a human radiator doesn’t mean you can judge me.” I scowled despite him not being able to see it.

“Yeah, that’s true. God, today was fucking weird.” he groaned, I heard the noise of him falling onto his bed.

“You got that right.” I said through a bite of food.

“Is that food I hear? You know you’re not allowed food on your bed. Being very rebellious today, huh?” he jokingly scolded, making me laugh. I crunched down on a chip extra close to the phone so he received the whole ASMR experience.

“I haven’t eaten all day, let me have this.”

“Jesus, (y/n), stop making me so worried about you.” he groaned but it sounded muffled, like he had placed a pillow over his head.

“I’m not doing it on purpose, Jacob. You’ve just decided to get extra protective today, isn’t that my job?” I smiled.

“Damn, you’re right.” I heard him chuckle.

We continued to talk for the rest of the night, talking about everything and nothing. It was nice, I had missed this. Jake fell asleep first, but right before he did he asked me a question in his sleepy, half-awake voice.

“When do you think Bella will be back to normal?”

I had no answer, he had me stumped. Little did either of us know, nothing was going to be normal ever again after that day. That phone call was one of the last pieces of normality either of us had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves! My mental health has been quite bad (I'm okay though) so I've been putting all my energy into writing lmao I hope you enjoy! As always, probably don't need to say it at this point, feedback is more than welcome! I love hearing what you think about my writing :) hope everyone's okay <3 Thank you for reading!


	8. The Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where this fic starts to say a big fuck you to the plot of New Moon, sorry about that

Bella stopped turning up to school after the forest incident, and so did the Cullens. Gossip travelled fast around Forks and it didn’t take long before everyone heard that the Cullens had moved away, Dr Cullen getting a job offer in another state. It wasn’t hard putting two and two together, Edward had broken up with Bella and she was taking it very, very badly. Jacob was taking it badly too, knowing Bella was so upset and he couldn’t help. She wasn’t answering calls and texts and she refused to see anyone, it was like she was trying to make herself disappear. No one had seen or heard from her in a month. Jacob and I tried going round to her house to see if she was okay, I was there to hold Jake’s hand the whole time, but Charlie had to send us away with a heartbroken, worn out look on his face. I swear I heard violent sobbing from somewhere inside the house behind Charlie but I didn’t mention it to Jacob, he was already distraught.

Jacob began feeling better though, he slowly came to terms with the fact that Bella just needed some time. His smile once again began to grow wider and he started cracking jokes in class again. I knew he wouldn’t be completely back to normal until Bella recovered but watching him happy made me happy. Everyone at school slowly moved on from Bella related gossip too, getting bored and talking about something else. I felt bad, possibly angry, that her friendship group simply seemed to forget about her. Angela was the only one still putting in effort with Bella, along with Jacob. Even I seemed more concerned than those who claimed to be the closest with her.

“Earth to (y/n)?” Jacob laughed, waving his hand in front of my face, catching me staring at Bella’s empty seat at her old lunch table.

“Huh? Sorry.” I mumbled, pulling myself back down to Earth. The cafeteria was busy as always, a constant hum of noise surrounding us.

“Did you hear anything I said?” he laughed again, rolling his eyes at me.

“No, sorry, what?” I replied, picking at my food.

“Quil and Embry are going down to the beach tonight and they’ve asked if we want to come. I think it’s just gonna be a bonfire. Sound good?” Jacob grinned.

“Sounds so good! I could do with a bit of normality. I miss those idiots.” I really had missed them, the thought of being with my boys again put a massive smile on my face and immediately lifted my mood. We’d been so caught up in the whirlwind that is Bella that we hadn't seen Quil and Embry for well over two months now. They go to the school down at the Reservation so we don’t get to see them everyday and it breaks my heart.

“They, cough cough Embry, will be happy to hear you’re coming! Anyway, you still eating that?” Jake asked, pointing at the rest of my food. I chuckled and shook my head, both at the Embry accusation and to say that he could have my food if he wanted. He grinned like a little boy and quickly stole my plate from in front of me.

Jacob had it in his head that Embry had a crush on me because he often dragged me away from group situations to talk to me by myself. Well, actually, it’s me who does the dragging but Jacob didn’t tend to notice that. It probably also doesn’t help that Embry flirts with everything that breathes. Embry is the only person in the whole world, except for Bella and her annoyingly accurate intuition, that knew about my soul shattering crush on Jacob. We talked about it a lot, both because Embry is just as nosy as I am but also because I have no one else to talk to about it. Quil would immediately tell Jacob if he knew, he loves me but he’s always been excessively loyal to Jacob and wouldn't ever be able to keep his mouth shut. The same could be said for Angela, she wouldn’t be able to keep it to herself.

It was an abnormally sunny day in Forks and it was only getting hotter as the day went on, by the time the bell rang for the end of the day I was begging Jacob to take me home to get out of my long sleeved shirt. The car journey to my house was torturous, we had all of the windows rolled down but despite that, Jacob’s broken AC meant I was melting. Jacob laughed at me and called me dramatic, it wasn’t my fault the weather never affected him. If anyone was being weird in this situation it was him, not me.

When we pulled up to my house I immediately leaped out of the steel death-trap and ran towards the front door. Jacob chuckled behind me, closing my car door where I had left it open. I nearly ran straight into my dad as I charged into the house, causing him to nearly drop the mug he was holding.

“(Y/N), what have I said about running inside the house? Oh, hey Jake!” my dad scolded, before getting distracted by Jacob who was stood laughing at the door.

I continued on my path to my room, wanting to rip off my clothes under the sweltering heat. I moaned in pure joy at the feeling of the AC in my room, cool air hitting my body. I routed through my wardrobe to find my long lost bikini, I hadn’t been able to use it in so long that I wasn’t sure if it was even going to fit. I eventually found a plain black bikini that I deemed suitable after I had tried it on. The top was slightly tighter than I last remembered, but that never hurt anyone. I threw on some shorts and a baggy t-shirt, tucking the shirt in and putting on a pair of sunglasses before heading back downstairs.

“How long are you back for?” I heard Jacob ask my parents as I approached the bottom of the stairs.

“Two more weeks, then off to New York.” my dad replied.

“Sadly, that means we’ll miss your birthday. We’ve been talking to your dad about the big day though! We’ve made a generous donation to a good cause.” I heard my mom giggle. Oh thank god Billy had caved in and asked my parents for money. That reminded me that Angela and I were going to Port Angeles at the weekend to shop for Jacob’s birthday. I groaned out loud at the thought, accidentally drawing all the attention to myself.

“Jake says you’re going down to the beach?” my dad asked, sipping from a mug in his hand as he stood next to my mom, leaning on the door frame.

Jacob was still stood outside, but this time he lacked a shirt. I stood and gawped, I couldn’t help it. Jacob must have been going through a growth spurt or something because every time I got a glimpse of his bare chest there were more and more pronounced muscles. Sweat was beading on his smooth skin and I couldn’t help but let my eyes follow the trail they made when drops would trail down his abs. I felt myself getting warmer, warmer than I had been the entire day. My eyes were wide and my mouth was slack, I tried to pull myself together before anyone noticed but I think I saw a small smirk form on Jacob’s lips.

“Yeah, dad. With the boys.” I choked out, crouching down to put my shoes on so my hair would cover the blush settling on my cheeks.

“No Angela?” asked my mom. Despite growing up with all of them, my mom was never comfortable with how much time I spent being the only girl in a gaggle of teenage boys.

“It was Quil and Embry who invited us, they don’t know her that well.” I replied, glaring at her as I stood back up.

“Can’t keep them waiting, come on.” Jacob smiled, saving me from my mom, holding out his hand for me to take.

I skipped along the hallway and slipped past my parents, grabbing Jacob’s hand and letting him guide me through the door. Jacob waved goodbye to my parents as we walked back towards the car. I couldn’t help the blush that returned to my face as I watched his arm muscles flex right next to my head. 

“Can you grab my sunglasses out of the glove box?” Jacob asked as we stepped into the car.

I dove into his messy glove box, routing through some trash before I managed to successfully find his sunglasses. When I found them I turned to him with an accomplished smile but he was busy texting someone on his phone. His head quickly whipped up and he smiled back at me, putting his phone away and taking his sunglasses from my hand.

As Jake reversed out of the drive it was my turn to wave at my parents who were both standing at the door, waving back with big grins on their faces. It was weird having them home, it’s easy to forget the cheesy affection of parents when you never see them.

We hardly made it out of the drive before I let out a massive groan.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jacob asked, a smile on his face.

“I forgot how hot it is in here, I let myself get teased by the AC in my room. This is hell, this is what hell feels like. The saying ‘hot as hell’ is making a lot of sense right now.” I ranted as I fanned myself with my hand.

Jacob didn’t reply so I looked across at him with a scowl to see him holding back a laugh. I was once again left breathless at the sight of shirtless Jake, the wind was blowing through his hair and his sunglasses simply made him look like a sex god. Butterflies took off in my stomach and I tried to ignore the aching feeling between my thighs. Life would be so much easier if he wasn’t so god damned hot.

“What do you expect me to do about it?” he eventually chuckled, staring out into the road ahead.

I groaned again, louder this time, and started untucking my shirt. I saw Jacob glance at me and raise an eyebrow but he quickly turned his attention back to the road. It was a difficult task to do with my seatbelt on but I pulled off my shirt with a grunt. I smiled as the breeze hit my skin, sitting there in my bikini top and shorts.

“(Y/N), what the fuck are you doing?” Jacob laughed, not meeting my eyes.

“I’m melting Jakey, what do you expect?” I smiled to myself.

“I expect no public indecency in my car, yet here we are.” he chuckled.

“Bit sexist that you can take off your shirt but you’re having a moan about me doing it.” I jokingly scolded, scowling at him with a smile. I caught him looking at me, his eyes trailing farther down than my face. He quickly turned back to the road but I caught the flustered expression he held behind his sunglasses.

“That top is far too small, you’re hardly covered.” he grumbled, sounding slightly choked.

“It’s a tiny bit small but you’re being dramatic. Calm down, Jake. It’s my body and it’s covered.” I rolled my eyes, I hated when he acted serious and possessive. He didn’t have a right to suddenly play the jealous boyfriend, I wanted my fun best friend who encourages my scandalous behaviour. Despite my hatred, a blush crept up my neck.

“I’m sure Embry will enjoy the view.” he smirked.

“Oh yeah, Embry. Definitely. Not anyone else currently eyeing me up.” I giggled. He looked over at me and despite his eyes being covered I could tell he was frowning. I giggled harder and put my feet up on the dashboard.

We soon made it to the beach, Embry and Quil already kicking a ball at each other near our usual campfire spot. When they saw us approaching, Embry picked up the ball and they both jogged over towards us, kicking sand everywhere. Jacob did some kind of bro handshake with the both of them, chuckling and greeting each other loudly. Embry wolf whistled when he saw me, being obvious about the way he raked his eyes over my body, and I slapped his arm and laughed.

“Told you.” Jacob chuckled, leaning down to my ear.

“What’s that?” Embry asked.

“Jake was eyeing me up in the car and he tried palming it off on you.” I giggled, earning a gentle elbow to the ribs off of Jake.

“I’ll palm you off any day.” Embry winked, humour plastered on his face. Jacob growled lowly and tackled Embry, throwing him down onto the sand. They both rolled around with each other, laughing and throwing light punches.

“What does that even mean?” Quil laughed and I shrugged with a smile as he joined me where I was standing, watching the boys wrestle. Embry rarely ever made sense with his innuendos but he loved getting a rise out of Jacob, both for his own sake and for mine. He liked pushing how protective Jacob would get, no doubt he’ll praise himself about it later and claim that Jacob secretly loves me back. Fat chance of him ever being right about that.

When the boys eventually calmed down, we all went to go seat ourselves on the washed up logs that circled the fire pit. I sat and laughed as I watched all three of them struggle to light the fire. Jacob eventually gave up and placed himself beside me on the log, chuckling and shaking his head.

“When they’re done I’m going to go for a swim, you coming? I need to cool off.” I asked, smiling up at him and squinting as the sun attacked my eyes.

“Not yet, I’ll join later.” he smiled back gently, patting my thigh with his big hand. Just as he spoke, the logs in front of us burst into flames. Embry and Quil cheered and thumped each other on the back.

“I made it easier for them.” Jacob scowled, leaning closer to me to speak. I laughed and shook my head.

“Either of you coming for a swim?” I asked the boys in front of me. Embry nodded enthusiastically, excited about the opportunity to brag about Jacob’s reaction to his previous teasing.

“I’ll hang back with Jake.” Quil smiled, pulling two beers out of his bag which laid against the log.

“I’ll race you.” Embry shouted at me, violently pulling his shirt over his head.

I laughed and quickly began unbuttoning my shorts, slipping them off and throwing my sunglasses on the sand before darting towards the sea. I heard Embry picking up his pace behind me, laughing wildly into the light breeze. I suddenly felt a harsh slap on my ass and I halted to a stop with my mouth gaped open in shock.

“Jacob won’t be happy about that.” Embry mumbled with a grin as he zoomed past me.

“That’s assault you cheating bastard!” I shouted after him, giggling and running as fast as I possibly could. If it had been anyone other than Embry I would have been on the phone to the police as we speak.

Embry beat me to the sea, wading through the shallows before turning to lie on his back, putting his arms behind his head with a smug grin plastered on his face.

“You idiot!” I screamed, wading through the water to reach him.

“Could you be any louder?” he asked, trying to keep a straight face but he couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from within him.

I splashed water at his face and he choked slightly due to his position, I felt bad until he stood up and splashed me back. We fought for a few minutes, me giggling and squealing, before I jumped on his back and tried to submerge him. He bobbed back up and pushed me off his back, his growth spurt must have been matching Jacob’s as his arms also had a substantial amount of muscle to them.

“Truce? I wanna talk.” he laughed.

“Hmmm…” I splashed him one more time, as hard as I could. “Okay! Truce.”

“That’s not fair.” he whined, smiling.

“You cheated first.”

“I would never!” he gasped, holding his hand to his chest in fake hurt. I laughed before I turned my back to him, swimming farther out into the sea and enjoying the coolness on my warm skin. I heard the movement of water behind me, showing that Embry was following me. We both stopped swimming just before I couldn’t stand up on the sand below us.

“Embry you’ve missed so much, it’s been so chaotic.” I groaned, cupping water in my hands and splashing my face with it.

“Bella?” he asked, a more serious look to his face.

“Yes.” I pouted.

“Well of course he’s going to get crushes on other girls unless you confess your undying love for him.”

“It’s not like that, and you know it! You’ve seen his reaction when the idea of me and him is brought up. He looks like he’s going to be violently sick.”

“Well maybe he just doesn’t know he feels that way about you, he might realise if you tell him.”

“Embry, you’re ridiculous.” I groaned, closing my eyes and tilting my head back to let the sun rays scorch my face.

“You saw how protective he gets! (Y/N), he growled. Growled! Look at him over there sitting with a scowl on his face after our little show.” Embry laughed.

“Any best friend would be unhappy with their best friend being assaulted in public.” I giggled.

“Stop calling it assault, I know you don’t mind or I wouldn’t do it. Plus, I didn’t mean that. I think he’s jealous that he didn’t come and splash around with you himself.”

“Maybe I should’ve just told Angela about my feelings. I should’ve known you’d never be good at boy talk. Too much masculine energy.” I grinned as he pouted.

“I’m an expert, thank you very much. You’re lucky to have me.” he smiled.

“You’re right. I missed you.” I smiled back.

“Ew, gross.” he pretended to grimace before laughing and splashing me with salt water once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Wow. Well! Thank you for the overwhelmingly positive response to my last chapter, mostly about my mental health. You're all the sweetest people ever, thank you. I'm not forcing myself to write btw, it's helping take my mind off things but it definitely helps knowing no one's upset if I need to take my time. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you thought, as always <3 Thanks for being the best!


	9. Separation Anxiety

Quil eventually joined me and Embry in the water, telling us that he got bored because Jacob was being moody. I offered to go and sit with Jake but Quil told me that Jacob had encouraged him to leave him alone. I told them I’d go check up on him soon, but until then we swam around and talked about everything we’d missed in each other's lives within the past few months. Of course, most of the attention was on me.

“Bella sounds like a handful.” Quil laughed when I finished explaining how many times Jacob had lost his mind over Bella in such a short time span.

“It’s just painful to watch.” I shrugged, staring up into the beautiful sunset. I let myself be whisked away into the dusky oranges and pinks of the sky, the sun creeping into my eye-line and the water getting slightly uncomfortably cold.

“If you ever need some fresh faces to spend time with then we’re always here.” Embry said, nudging me softly with his elbow. I looked at him with an apologetic smile, sorry that I hadn’t seen him in so long.

“Or if you need an extra pair of hands to babysit Jacob when he’s sad.” Quil added, snickering.

“It’s his birthday soon, you two are coming right?” I asked, looking between both of them.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Quil grinned.

“And there’s going to be booze.” Embry laughed, fist bumping Quil. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at them.

I laid on my back for a while, letting the waves rock me as I stared into the colourful sky as it gradually grew dark. The boys talked to each other softly about nothing in particular, one of them bursting out into laughter occasionally. It was so peaceful and I felt truly at ease for the first time in a long time.

I decided it was getting late and a bit too cold, the perfect time to go and sit around the fire and eat whatever junk Embry and Quil had brought with them. Suddenly, both of them went completely silent. I brought myself back to a standing position to see what had made them shut up but both of their eyes were glued to something back on land. My head whipped round and my eyes scanned the sand for the culprit. I felt Embry’s hand snake around my arm, pulling me through the water until I was right next to him.

“What’s going o-” I started until I spotted her, the ghostly figure nearing Jacob.

“Is that…” Quil murmured.

“Bella.” I mumbled back. My body tensed up and I felt slightly dizzy, glad to have Embry’s comforting grip grounding me.

“What’s she doing here?” Embry whispered, his hold on my arm tightening.

“I guess that’s why Jacob was on his phone so much.” Quil chuckled, oblivious to my heart ache and Embry’s worry.

“But she hasn’t spoke to anyone for weeks?” I questioned no one in particular, the disbelief and shock present in my weakened voice.

“I don’t think she was replying, I didn’t read his messages but it looked like a one way conversation. No responses. That’s probably why he’s been so moody.” Quil smiled. I thought back to when Jacob had been texting someone in the car, probably telling Bella where we were going.

“Oh.” I mumbled out. I felt Embry’s concerned gaze burning into my skin but I ignored it, watching Bella’s frail form join Jacob near the fire. The blinding smile on his face was as clear as day even from this far away.

Quil slapped Embry on the back before diving below the water, swimming back to shore to go greet Bella. There was a conflict raging within my mind, should I leave the water? Should I leave completely and just go straight home? Should I go and tell Bella how worried we’ve all been? Should I go and check on Jacob? Could I bare seeing him pretend like she hasn’t trampled all over his heart and let her come crawling back like nothing ever happened?

“She uses him.” I whispered to myself, almost forgetting Embry was next to me. I jumped slightly when his hand moved up and down my arm, stroking me in reassurance. I sighed, a heavy feeling settling into my chest, and I moved to begin wading through the water in the direction of Jacob.

“Hey, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Embry scowled, not letting go of my arm. I looked back at him, concern burning into his features, before I shook his hold off of me and turned my back to him. The water was icy as I forced my way through it, shivers travelling up my spine. I heard Embry sigh and then start moving to follow me, rushing to catch up with me.

“If she upsets you I’m driving you home. Immediately.” he growled. Now who was growling?

We eventually made it to shore just as Quil made it all the way back to the fire, him greeting Jacob and pointing back at us. Jacob waved and I saw Bella watch us, unmoving.

“I didn’t know it was this bad.” Embry lightly laughed, no real humour behind it, as he waved back at Jacob.

“Huh?” I asked, barely able to concentrate as I kicked the sand beneath my feet.

“I didn’t think the whole Bella thing was this bad. You’ve gone... numb.” 

I shrugged, “Like I said, you’ve missed a lot.”

“I just don’t get how Jake can’t see this, even I’m worried and we’re not the ones attached at the hip.”

I ignored him, focusing on the sand tickling my toes and the light yet nippy breeze that blew past us. Despite the noise of chatter and laughter coming from around the fire, I hardly noticed when we reached the logs where Jacob was sitting next to Bella, Quil sitting on the opposite log. Embry grabbed my wrist and moved to pull us both towards where Quil was sat however I shook my head, he scowled but he dropped my arm as I bent down to pick my abandoned shorts up and sat myself down next to Jacob.

“Hey (y/n).” Jacob grinned as I pulled my shorts back on, them sticking uncomfortably to where my skin was still wet. Jacob looked happier than he had been for weeks now, no doubt Bella was to thank for that.

“Hi Jake. Bella.” I greeted dully. I felt Embry’s worried gaze on me yet again however I ignored it, letting myself watch the way Jacob’s eyes sparkled as he looked at Bella. Bella sheepishly smiled at me, looking guilty. Her face was sunken in and she looked ghostly pale despite the warm glow of the fire illuminating all of us around it.

Embry and Quil were pulling food out of their bags, mainly hot dogs and sticks to roast them over the fire. I giggled lightly as Quil slapped Embry’s face with a hot dog, starting a mini fight between them.

“I hope you don’t mind me being here.” I heard Bella murmur in my direction, I turned my face away from the fight to see her eyes scanning my own. Jacob sat between us, unaware and cheering on Embry and Quil.

“No of course not, just surprised ‘s all. Jacob didn’t say he invited you.” I smiled back, the smile not fully reaching my eyes.

“He didn’t?” she questioned, a surprised look on her ghostly face.

“No, but it’s good to see you out again.” I turned my head back towards the fire and watched as the flames flickered into the night sky.

“Yeah, Charlie threatened me into seeing friends.” she chuckled lightly. It was silent between us two for a few moments, the shouting and hollering coming from the boys didn't diminish the awkward tension floating between us. “I wouldn’t have come if I’d have known you weren't all aware.” Bella whispered almost to herself.

I didn’t reply but I softly smiled into the fire. I knew Bella wasn’t evil, she didn’t try to get between me and Jake on purpose, it was just how the wind blows. Jacob just liked her better and I had to get used to it, no matter how much my stomach turned and my heart throbbed at the idea.

Jacob barely looked at me, nevermind spoke to me, for the rest of the night. All of his attention was on Bella, as always. I eventually stood up with a sigh and moved round to sit next to Embry, he gave me a sympathetic smile as he passed me a hotdog to heat up on the fire. I listened and laughed along to his and Quil’s conversation but I didn’t contribute much, I didn’t feel like talking anymore.

“Hey, (y/n). I’m gonna head home soon, you coming?” Embry whispered, leaning closer to my ear so Quil didn’t hear and try to tag along.

I thought about it for a second, tossing up my options. I truly wasn’t having a fun time anymore, my earlier mood having completely vanished. I glanced up to see the way Jacob’s arm was draped across Bella’s shoulders, them both laughing at something I hadn’t been paying attention to. It physically hurt to see them so happy and care-free in their own little bubble, it was like a knife straight to the heart. I nodded my head at Embry, begging him to take me home.

“We’re going to call it a night.” Embry loudly declared to the group, patting my thigh. “Quil can get a ride with you Jake, yeah?”.

Jacob nodded, barely taking his eyes off of Bella to acknowledge him. I felt like I was about to throw up. Embry must have caught a glimpse of my face because he quickly dragged me away from the scene. I heard Quil shout a goodbye from behind us, Bella and Jacob just carried on their previous conversation. Jacob didn’t even say bye.

“In the nicest way possible, I think you just need to try and get over him.” Embry said when we reached the privacy of the inside of his car. He spoke softly, almost like he was scared I was going to break under his words.

“I know, you’re right.” I mumbled, half smiling at him before curling up into a ball in my seat and staring out into the scenery as we drove away.

“I can’t believe she showed up. She had no right.” he grimaced.

“Jacob invited her.” I shrugged his anger off.

“Well, _he_ had no right.” he hissed through clenched teeth, trying to hold back his fiery emotions. I guess I understood why Embry was angry, he was pissed at Jacob for being a dick, but I couldn’t find the energy within myself to be equally as angry.

We sat in silence for the rest of the drive, Embry occasionally glancing at me with concern. It was nice of him to drive me all the way back to my house when he lived so close to the beach, I tried to thank him when we pulled into my drive but I opened my mouth and no words managed to come out. My throat felt like it was tightening and I was convinced that if I spoke tears would threaten to fall. I felt so pathetic, I didn’t feel like myself at all.

“Jesus, (y/n), you can’t let him do this to you. He might be my friend but so are you, he’s hurting you.” Embry groaned, squeezing his eyes closed. I’d close my eyes too if I was him, I bet I looked pitiful.

“I’ll get over it.” I murmured unconvincingly. Embry’s eyes slowly opened back up and they were swimming with sorrow as he looked at me, an empathetic smile on his lips. I was growing tired of the sombre mood between us so I rolled my eyes and hit his arm, making him laugh.

Embry made me promise to call him if I needed anything and I halfheartedly agreed, knowing I was going to break that promise anyway. The pained look on his face made me feel like he too knew that I wasn’t going to hold up my end of the deal. I hated seeing him so upset knowing I was the cause, despite his douchebag exterior he’s loyal and caring and empathetic almost to a fault. My emotions were always going to affect his and I didn’t want to burden him with that. So that night I crawled into bed, shot him a text letting him know I was doing okay, and sobbed myself to sleep with images of Bella and Jacob laughing and joking by the fire flickering through my head, taunting me.

~~~

“So, Jacob and Bella are doing stuff together? What’s the problem?” Angela questioned as she flicked through a rack of dresses, getting distracted during our shopping trip for Jacob’s birthday.

“They do _everything_ together Angela.” I groaned, getting fed up of having to have thought about Jacob and Bella all week long. I knew Angela was only asking because she truly cared but I really couldn’t be bothered with her interrogation. I was running out of steam.

After the night at La Push beach, Jacob and Bella started spending every second of the day they possibly could with each other. Outside of school Bella would not leave Jake’s side and he was more than happy about that. He was happier than I had ever seen him and instead of being thrilled for him it made me feel empty inside. I’m glad Bella was starting to feel more like herself again but did she really have to steal my best friend in the process? I know she needed a friend, and Jacob was the perfect candidate for that role, but he was so obsessed with making her happy that the rest of the world didn’t matter. I no longer mattered.

“At least she’s leaving the house again.” Angela smiled sweetly, “I get why you’d feel left out though, it must be weird for you not spending as much time with Jacob. Maybe it’s separation anxiety.”.

At first Bella and Jacob invited me along to hang out with them but I made up excuses, there was no possible way I was going to sit there and third-wheel. The images of Jacob and Bella by the fire still haunted me at night and my cruel brain could do without any more ammunition. Still, when they stopped inviting me to things, especially so soon, it crushed me. The fear of missing out and the fear of losing Jacob forever was overwhelming, despite me technically putting it on myself. I had never felt so unwanted in my life and Jacob didn’t even seem to think twice about me and my craving to bury myself 6 feet under the ground. We used to do everything together and now he was overjoyed pretending I didn’t exist.

“It’s just a lonely feeling. I don’t know.” I shrugged, not wanting to get into it in the middle of a mall. The love of my life replacing me was kind of a big deal.

“You have me! And what about those boys from the Res?” Angela asked as she drifted over to another clothing rack, me trailing behind her. I noticed her purposefully trying to act like her questions were off-hand but I felt the worry within her voice and it made me feel frustratingly guilty. 

“Quil and Embry?” I smiled as I thought about that silly duo.

“Yeah! I thought you said Embry has been keeping your mind off things?”

Embry had started turning up to my house a couple days a week after school to check up on me. He would never admit that, of course, he would make up reasons to be there like he needed to borrow something or he needed help with his maths homework. He knew I wasn’t dumb, but it felt nice to be cared for either way. The topic of Jacob was a sore one so it was thoroughly avoided between us, even though I felt Embry’s prying eyes begging for me to let him inside my head. 

Don’t get me wrong, I was gagging to spill my heart out to him about everything that was killing me inside. Like the way I felt invisible when Jacob would non stop talk about Bella at lunch, or the way Jacob would tell a joke in class and immediately look to Bella’s empty seat wishing she was there, or the way Jacob simply didn’t notice how generally unhappy I was. The problem was that I didn’t want Embry to have to deal with all of my silly emotions. I knew he could see straight through my forced smiles but he pretended to ignore it, opting to take my mind off of things by telling me funny stories about something Quil had done at school that day. I felt like half a person, a shell of who I was with Jacob, but Embry helped temporarily fill that hole and I loved him for that.

The shopping trip ended up being a bit of a bust, just thinking about Jacob and his birthday made my whole body cringe and Angela was beginning to notice. I tried my best to rush through the day but it felt like it was possibly the longest shopping trip of my life. Angela kept asking about when I thought Bella would be back at school even though I complained multiple times that I had no clue, I guessed some time soon and she dropped it at that. I didn’t end up finding anything for Jake, Angela bought a few little bits which she was adorably excited about. I told her I’d just order some things online and she was satisfied enough with that.

The reality was I had no idea what to get Jacob because I felt like I didn’t even know him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! A bit of an early upload, I know it's so soon after the last one. I hope you liked it! It's about to get really angsty. Also, MASSIVE thank you for over 1000 hits omg the thought of that blows me away. I appreciate that so many people are reading this and also returning for each update!! I hope you're all doing well, until next time <3


	10. Wrap Me Up

I woke up and immediately felt dullness settle into my chest as I remembered crying myself to sleep over the photos I’d seen on social media of Bella and Jacob fixing up some stupid bikes over the weekend. As my brain slowly left it’s dream state and joined me back in reality, I remembered it was another miserable Monday morning. Another day of missing Jacob so, so much. I hadn’t spent quality time with him since La Push which was almost two whole weeks ago, that’s thirteen whole days without Jacob. Thirteen evenings he’s blissfully spent with Bella. Going from spending every waking second with someone to only speaking to them occasionally at school and getting car rides from them was truly heart wrenching. I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. Thirteen days doesn’t seem long in the grand scheme of things but it was far too much for me.

Speaking of getting lifts to school from Jacob, I begrudgingly rolled over in bed to check the time on my alarm clock. The red L.E.D. numbers blinded me as they flashed “00:00”. I scowled, flicking my eyes between the beams of daylight shining from behind my curtains and the clock in front of me, certain that it wasn’t midnight. Disorientated, I rolled back over and grabbed my phone, turning it on and tapping my fingers on it impatiently as it glowed to life. I checked the time immediately and it informed me that I had approximately 3 minutes before Jacob was due to be here to pick me up.

I jolted upright, panic sizzling through my veins and waking me up completely. My mind couldn’t form a solid thought, I just jumped out of bed and bolted straight to the bathroom. I groaned as I caught sight of my reflection, my eyes red and puffy from last night’s crying session, but I couldn’t do anything about it other than splash some cold water on my face. I brushed my teeth as I ran back into my bedroom, pulling a random pair of jeans on and bringing a stray t-shirt with me back to the sink.

By the time my panic had died down I was jogging down the stairs with a hairbrush in one hand and my phone in the other. Suddenly, a million questions hit me. Why hadn’t my alarm gone off? I guess the power went off in the middle of the night as the clock seemed to have reset itself, that’s what I get for being old fashioned and not just using my phone’s alarm like a normal teenager. But why hadn’t my parents woke me up? Where were they? Why wasn’t Jacob in my drive yet? I stumbled into my lounge, sitting down on my couch with a heavy sigh and checking my phone for any answers to my millions of questions.

After about 10 minutes of getting aggravated that Jacob hadn’t arrived, I decided to call him. I assumed he was running late too, our brains syncing up, but that was very unlike him. The phone rang for what felt like hours of me nervously bouncing my leg before he finally picked up.

“Hey!” Jacob innocently greeted. I could hear the sound of him driving in the background, his car groaning with effort as it travelled.

“Where are you?” I hissed.

“In my car.” he laughed. I didn’t find it very funny.

“Where, Jacob?” I groaned.

“Almost at school.”

“What the fuck?” I almost shouted, my voice echoing around the emptiness of my house. School? Had he seriously forgotten to pick me up? I knew Bella was doing a good job of replacing me but I didn’t know it was so bad that he was legitimately forgetting about my existence.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused. I almost laughed at how ridiculous he was being.

“Why haven’t you picked me up?” I scowled so hard my forehead started to ache.

“I told you! Bella’s coming back to school today so I offered to take her. She’s with me in the car now getting annoyed that I’m on the phone while driving.” he replied, his jolly voice grating through me.

“You never told me that.” I said bluntly. Jacob and Bella spending time together was all I thought about, I wouldn’t simply let something like that slip my mind. And now he was driving her to school instead of me. Perfect!

“I swear I did.” his irritatingly confused tone returning.

“Are you calling me dumb? Jacob I would know if you had told me something like that. How am I meant to get to school?” I spat through gritted teeth, my voice coming out so rough it made my throat feel like sandpaper.

“Okay, okay. I guess it must have been Angela I told. I thought you’d just get a lift off of your parents. Damn, what’s your problem?” 

“My problem is you, Jacob! This is the second time you’ve left me without a ride with no fucking warning. Both times relating to Bella, I might add. I shouldn’t be shocked you somehow forgot to tell me.” I ranted, my anger spilling out. Guilt panged in my chest as I shouted at him but he deserved to hear this after his recent neglectful behaviour. 

I let out a strangled scream before hanging up on him, not waiting for his reply. It took everything in me to not throw my phone at the wall in frustration, I let it fall out of my hand and drop to the carpeted floor instead. I stood up from the couch and paced around the room, my hands tugging at my hair as I tried to make sense of the thoughts whizzing around my head. I didn’t even let my anger fully subside before I snatched my phone off of the floor, dialling my dad’s number. I continued pacing as it rang, when he picked up I didn’t even give him time to speak.

“Where are you?” I blurted out, my anger still painfully obvious in my voice.

“Shouldn’t you be at school by now?” he replied sternly. I didn’t have the time or patience for this.

“Answer the fu- answer my question.” I censored myself.

“We’re in New York, dear.” I heard my mom reply, I guessed I must have been on speaker.

“You’re not supposed to leave until tomorrow…” 

“We had to get an earlier flight, the client was very demanding about it.” my mom giggled.

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” I spoke, grinding my teeth together.

“I left you a note on the kitchen table, love.” she replied chipperly. Everyone’s happy-go-lucky attitudes were truly getting on my last nerve.

“You didn’t think to wake me up and tell me? Or even text me? You do realise what year we’re in, right?”

“Now calm down, we’ve had to do this before.” my dad piped in. The sound of irritation in his voice pushed me completely over the edge.

“You see, that’s the thing though, isn’t it? You’re always leaving me to fend for myself. Why even have a child if you’re only going to see them about four times a year? What kind of child should have to learn how to cook at nine years old? That can’t be legal, surely.” I spat.

“That’s an exaggeration, you had Jacob and his family there looking after you.” my dad retorted.

“Ah yes, Jacob and his grieving family. I became a family counsellor at the age of ten! I had to be the emotional support animal slash punching bag for Jacob. Where was my emotional support? He’s all I have ever had and look how that’s going now! I guess it really has always been me against the world. Have a nice fucking trip.” I shouted, hanging up as I felt my body slump to the ground.

My anger had officially run out, every piece of energy had been taken out of me as I shouted down the phone. Floods of tears forced their way out of my eyes and sobs wracked my whole chest. I felt the weight of the world crushing me, my vision going black at the edges as my whole body collapsed in on itself. I curled up on the floor and let myself cry, shout, scream. My whole life felt like one big lie. I was alone, well and truly alone, and I couldn’t stand it. My body was physically rejecting the idea. I hadn’t felt this small, this vulnerable, since I could remember. Eventually my tears ran dry but my sobs continued, my dry eyes stinging as they failed to produce any more moisture. My whole body ached and sharp pains shot through my chest like someone was shooting at me, I was like a wounded animal.

Eventually, the overwhelming sadness stopped and was replaced by the newly familiar feeling of numbness. I sat myself up and rubbed my eyes, reaching for my phone once again. I checked the time and it informed me that school had started half an hour ago. Well there goes first period. I debated staying at home to let myself wallow in self pity all day, maybe all week, but I had an important quiz late that morning that I’d hate myself for missing. I watched my fingers scroll through my phone and click on the contact of the only person I could apparently trust with all of my emotional baggage.

“Hey (y/n), what’s up?” Embry’s warm and friendly voice greeted me, putting a small smile back on my face for a brief fleeting moment.

“I need a lift to school, are you free right now?” I spoke, my voice coming out scratchy and dull. Realistically I knew Embry would be free, his school didn’t start for another hour.

“I thought Jacob drove you to school?” he questioned. I flinched at _his_ name and didn’t speak, letting my silence do the talking for me. “I’ll be there as soon as possible.” he eventually spoke, I could hear the noises of him frantically moving around through the phone.

“Thanks, Em.” I replied. It got quiet between the both of us for a minute, I made a move to hang up but I heard him speak up.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, worry oozing off his voice.

“I’ll see you soon then, yeah?” I rushed out, ignoring his inquiry before ending the call. I didn’t want to lie and tell him I’m fine but I didn’t want to go into it over the phone. He arrived soon enough anyway.

“Jesus fucking Christ, (y/n).” Embry mumbled out after I had finished telling him about my wonderful morning. Note the sarcasm. We sped down the winding roads, Embry making sure I wasn’t even later than I already was.

“It’s whatever.” I shrugged, the numbness easing my pain.

“Don’t pretend like it’s nothing. I can’t believe you’re not in tears right now.” he replied, trying to keep his eyes on the road in front of us. I failed to mention the part where I sobbed on the floor, cringing in embarrassment at the thought. Despite that, my face was bright red and tear stained so he clearly wasn’t very observant.

“There’s nothing I can do about any of it.” I brushed off his worry.

“None of this is fair on you. I hate it.” he scowled, looking genuinely pained.

“I hate it too, Em. I hate it too.” I sighed, hugging my knees. Normally Embry would shout about me putting my shoes on his precious car seats but he let it slide, I did notice his jaw twitch slightly though.

We sat in peaceful silence for the rest of the drive, just the wind blowing past the car and the noises of animals rustling in the forests filling the air. I was grateful for the silence yet even more grateful for Embry’s company, he was a physical reminder that at least one person on this god forsaken planet cared about me. We made it to Forks High in record time, I prayed that Embry didn’t end up getting a speeding ticket from a hidden speed camera.

“Is today the day you have gym?” Embry asked, smiling at me softly. I groaned, nodding as I let out a shaky breath, cursing under my breath at the thought of Jacob. Embry knew about mine and Jacob’s routine of skipping gym together and I couldn’t decide what was worse: spending alone time with Jacob while I was like this or having to stay for gym. “What time?” Embry lightly chuckled.

“After lunch. Oh my god, lunch with Jacob and Bella.” I groaned, putting my hands over my face and squeezing my eyes shut. How was I going to get through today? Stupid fucking quiz.

“Perfect, I’ll pick you up at lunch then, yeah?” 

“What? Embry, no, you can’t ditch school for me.” I glared at him. The offer was sweet but I didn’t want to be a burden to him.

“Watch me.” he grinned mischievously.

“Embry I’m being serious. Don’t.” I pleaded. He laughed and shook his head at me.

Suddenly he climbed out of the car. I was confused as I watched him walk round to my side, not sure why he would even need to be getting out of his car. He opened up my door and raised an eyebrow, looking at me expectantly.

“You coming?” he asked, nodding his head towards the front door of the main building.

“Why are you coming?” I gently laughed, it sounding wispy and foreign to my own ears.

“You’re literally shaking, (y/n). Come on, love. Up you get.” he almost whispered, reaching his hand for me to take. I hadn’t even noticed that I was shaking but when my hand reached up to take his I saw that I was shaking like a leaf. I smiled guiltily at him, barely able to meet his eyes. I felt so bad that I was putting all of this on him. 

Embry grimaced as he saw the guilt plastered on my face. He grabbed my hand tight and pulled me up with such force that my body crashed straight into his. His arms wrapped around my torso, pulling me into a tight hug. It wasn’t as tight as Jacob’s rib cracking hugs, but it was tight enough to where I felt safe and loved. He was smaller and less built than Jacob too but his warmth was similar and I felt comforted either way. I let my own arms wrap around his body, sighing heavily as I leaned my forehead against his shoulder. He smelt of the ocean and pine trees, it calmed my rapidly beating heart.

“I love you, okay? You’re literally one of my favourite people.” he whispered. I giggled at his sudden softness, it was very unlike Embry. My heart sank slightly as I thought about just how worried about me he must be.

“Love you too, loser.” I smiled, rubbing my hands up and down the hoodie covering his back.

“See, I try be nice and you call me a loser. You’re lucky to even have me as a friend.” he chuckled, the vibrations of his body shaking my own.

“I am.” I agreed. He hugged me tighter for a moment before letting me go, keeping a hand around my shoulder as he guided me towards the front door to Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Yikes sorry about the angst, I hope it's coming across well at least! As always, thank you for reading. What keeps me going are the people that give me feedback so thank you especially to those who act like my amazing little my hype men. I hope everyone's doing good <3 Until next time.


	11. Anger and Embarrassment

I managed to avoid seeing Jacob for the most part of the morning, able to focus all of what little energy I had left into the quiz. The quiz went surprisingly well and it put me in a more positive mood, slightly more prepared to face Jacob. Angela kept me amused too, fussing over my tear stained appearance and handing me some makeup and a compact mirror at the back of the classroom.

I was still furious at Jacob, saddened and disappointed by his actions. I didn’t want to start an argument but I had no idea how I’d react when I saw him. I had a feisty personality but he was a teddy bear and I couldn’t imagine rowing with him. As lunch grew closer butterflies blossomed in my stomach and they were making me feel physically sick. Despite all of that, I kept reminding myself that it was only Jacob. I couldn’t help but separate pre-Bella and after-Bella Jacob in my mind, they felt like two completely different people. A few months ago I would never have possibly imagined being scared to face my own best friend, yet here I was.

I saw him as soon as I entered the lunch hall, sat in his usual seat with his eyes scanning the room for something. Bella was sat beside him, anxiously picking at her sandwich. I wondered what had her so nervous, surely it wasn’t me. I took a deep breath, air rushing into my battered lungs, and made my way to the table. As I neared them Jacob spotted me, his body relaxing as he looked over me. I was confused at his actions but I couldn’t concentrate on it for long, my mind racing with what I was going to say to him when I eventually reached him.

“(Y/N), hi.” Jacob said softly, contrasting the way he was physically holding himself back from leaping up, sitting on the edge of his seat and his knuckles going white as he gripped the table.

“Um, hi.” I said, unable to look him in the eyes as I slid down into the seat at the opposite side of the table to him.

Hearing his voice made something inside me shatter, sadness suddenly rolling over me in forceful waves. My name coming from his lips sounded like something from the past to reminisce over, something to not get used to. How could he not miss me as much as I missed him? I was broken and lost and he was here… with her. He was fine, more than fine, without me in his life while I was ready to sob over him saying my name for the first time in a while.

It was then that I realised Bella was wearing one of Jacob’s sweaters.

Physical pain crushed my chest and I felt winded, like someone had just punched me in the gut, and I doubled over in the pain of the imaginary force. I didn’t think Jacob could possibly do anything more to rub it in my face that he didn’t care about me anymore but here he was, defying odds as always. That was always our thing, Jacob’s sweaters were the physical embodiment of his protectiveness and love for me. Me! Not her!

Jacob’s sweaters were almost a way of showing his claim on someone, now here him and Bella were looking like they completely belonged together. This had to be the final straw, I couldn’t possibly take much else. I needed to just suck it up and accept the fact that not only did he not love me the way I loved him, but he didn’t even love me as a best friend anymore. Bella had stolen that from me. Tears welled up in my eyes and it took everything in me to will them away.

“Where were you this morning?” Jacob asked, the anger in his tone shocking me out of my thoughts.

“Excuse me?” I laughed dryly, almost scoffing at _him_ being angry with _me_. He knew exactly where I was, I was at home stranded by him.

“Surely your folks wouldn’t let you be that late? I was getting worried, (y/n).” he scowled, accusation in his voice as if he didn’t see how he was the one at fault in this situation.

“You’re kidding right? Can we not do this right now?” I hissed, nodding my head towards Bella who was pretending to not pay attention. I didn’t want to argue with Jake at all, nevermind with her next to him listening to every word. I almost laughed at the way they were both sitting beside each other, all cosy and friendly, with me sitting alone at the opposite side of the table. It was the perfect metaphor for the way my life was turning out.

“Look… I-” Jacob started before abruptly stopping and staring at something behind me with a furrowed brow.

I watched a few more faces turn towards where Jacob was looking, their eyes all pointed towards the exit of the lunch hall that led straight to the parking lot. More and more heads began to turn, either amusement or confusion littering their faces. I turned around as well just as I heard the metallic banging of someone’s feet climbing on top of one of the tables.

“(Y/N)!” Embry declared to the entire cafeteria, a shit eating grin on his face as the whole room fell deadly silent.

“Oh no.” I groaned.

“What’s he doing here?” Jacob threw his hands up in the air, looking utterly annoyed for unknown reasons.

“(Y/N) get your ass to my car right now before I drag you out myself.” Embry chuckled, standing tall and proud as everyone watched him in awe, a few snickers echoing through the room.

I quickly stood up from my seat with a giddy laugh, jogging over to him to pull him down from the table before he embarrassed himself even further.

“Ah, there you are!” he smiled, hopping down from the table with very little grace, all eyes still on us.

“You’re such an asshole, I hope you know that.” I giggled, elbowing him in the ribs.

“There was no other way to get you to come with me! Plus, your reputation can handle this.” he laughed, scrunching up his nose at me as he hugged his side where my elbow had jabbed him.

“I’m sure there’s plenty of other ways. And it’s not my reputation I’m worried about.” I rolled my eyes, the genuine smile not leaving my face. Leave it to Embry and his ridiculousness to always know how to cheer me up.

“Okay, can we go before I get arrested for trespassing or something.” he said, his eyes scanning the room that chatter had finally risen in again. I nodded with a grin, shoving him playfully. He shoved me back with more force and I squealed as I tried to keep my balance, a look of horror falling on his face as I started chasing him.

“Get back here you dick!” I shouted with a wild laugh, chasing him as he bolted towards the door of the cafeteria.

“Truce! Please?” he practically squealed as I caught up to him at the door to the parking lot.

I halted to a stop and rolled my eyes at him but I decided that I was more than willing to stop acting like idiots in front of the whole school. I held my hand out to him as a peace treaty, asking for him to shake it. Instead a playful glint flickered across his eyes as he gently took my hand and guided it above our heads, spinning me around like a ballerina. He twirled me around a couple times as I laughed in surprise.

“What’s gotten into you, Romeo?” I giggled and swatted his arm as he suddenly dipped my body as if we were slow dancing in a ballroom. I was so scared that he was going to drop me onto the ground just below where my head was hanging but his grip tightened around my back. He suddenly leaned in closer to me as if he was going to kiss me, I panicked for a brief moment and tensed up before relaxing as he simply went to whisper something.

“Jacob doesn’t look too happy.” he smirked into my ear, his cheek brushing against my hair.

I scoffed and swatted his arm again, not wanting to think about that right now. Embry thankfully pulled me back into a standing position and almost let me out of his arms, opting to keep one arm around my shoulder instead. I knew he was putting on a show, he was a drama queen like that, but I let him do it. The comforting feeling of closeness felt nice.

Embry led us both out of the door towards his car but just before we left his view, I looked back to catch a glimpse of Jacob. He looked angry, confused, taken aback. I had no idea why he was so angry at Embry’s appearance, despite his dramatic entrance it was only Embry. Maybe he was just angry at me but I couldn’t even get my mind around what I could have possibly done to upset him. How dare I be upset for him forgetting I exist, right?

“Thank you for coming.” I smiled gently at Embry as we both entered his car. Despite my reluctance to the idea of Embry skipping school this morning, I was grateful to be saved from Jacob… which was a depressing thought.

“Don’t mention it.” he smiled back, starting up the engine.

We drove for a little while, apparently driving to nowhere in particular as we listened to the radio, before Embry spoke up.

“Did he speak to you then?” he asked, obviously making the topic about Jacob.

“He got angry at me for absolutely no reason when I sat down with him but other than that I’ve been with Angela most of the morning.”

“Angry? At you?” Embry scowled.

“Yeah!” I scoffed, folding my arms over my chest with an annoyed huff. I’d rather be angry than upset, I’d save my tears for when I was alone.

“There has to be something up, this isn’t like him.” Embry mumbled.

“I need to talk to him at some point but I just… I can’t.” I sighed, closing my eyes and hoping that Embry would at least somewhat understand my pain.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked, looking over at me with helplessness in his sad eyes.

“Take me back to before Bella.” I laughed airily, trying to keep the conversation somewhat light.

“B.B. Before Bella.” he laughed as I cringed at what was barely a joke.

“I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.” I whispered, squeezing my arms around myself in a pathetic attempt to hold myself together.

“Why did he have to go and get a crush on her? Girl troubles, man.” Embry said mostly to himself as he drove along the narrow roads.

“Bella can’t be blamed, it’s Jacob’s fault for acting this way.” I corrected him, hardly sounding convincing as I barely believed it myself. I couldn’t help but blame Bella, her impact on my life left me resentful.

“Well until he gets his shit together you’re going to be seeing a lot more of me.” he smiled.

“Perfect, I do need a new ride to school.” I smiled back, ignoring the impact of the sting that my words had.

We drove around aimlessly for an hour or so, chatting nonsense and singing along to the radio. My mood gradually lifted again, the Embry effect. After our drive he drove me to my house, coming inside with me for a while. He went straight into the kitchen to look at the note my mom had left me, the one I still hadn’t even looked at myself. He read it out to me but it was short and sweet… well, not so sweet. It was a blunt and heartless note that I snatched out of Embry’s hands and threw in the trash as soon as he had finished with it. He first-bumped me when I threw it away, lifting the mood again and making me laugh at his boyish charm.

Despite his reluctance, he eventually had to leave me on my own. He needed to get back home at usual time so his mom didn’t suspect that he’d skipped school. We both knew that Quil would “accidentally” tell Embry’s mom anyway just to be a pain in the ass but it was better to be safe than sorry. I didn’t tell him, but I desperately wished that he would have stayed. I hadn’t been alone in the house for so long and I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I usually had Jacob but I couldn’t imagine him walking through the door any time soon. As soon as Embry reversed out of my drive I felt the weight of the world crush my shoulders.

I went straight up to my room and collapsed on my bed, staring up at the ceiling as my eyes stung with built up emotions. Tears silently tickled down my cheeks as I thought back to Bella in Jacob’s sweater, Jacob’s angry tone, his accusing words. Why had he been so upset with me? It was so unlike him, I wondered if it was Bella who was changing him for the worst. Jacob was the one completely giving up on everything we have for some silly crush, why was he getting angry at me? It made no sense and I couldn’t wrap my head around any of his recent actions.

I had no idea how long I had spent staring at the ceiling but it was quickly growing dark, the street lights glowing orange through my window. I jumped in shock as my phone suddenly started ringing, giving me a small heart attack after my hours of silence. The screen lit up my room, glowing with a photo of Jacob and I. Jacob was calling? I almost didn’t answer, not wanting to hear his voice right now, but my curiosity and straight up addiction to him made me press the green answer button.

“Jake?” I croaked out, my throat dehydrated from my crying.

“Hey.” he replied, laughing nervously through the phone. My heart was pounding and it felt like my whole body had frozen over.

“What’s up?” I asked, already cringing at the awkwardness of our conversation.

“I just… I’m sorry for getting angry earlier. I have no idea what came over me. Guess I was just worried.” he sighed.

“Oh.” I replied, not knowing what to say.

“I never meant to hurt you, you know that, right?” he asked, his voice coming out edgy. I knew he was only talking about our brief conversation at lunch but what he said rang true for everything he’d done wrong recently. He wasn’t doing it on purpose. I let out a shaky breath as I processed his words, cursing myself as I felt myself beginning to forgive him. I found it impossibly hard to stay mad with Jacob, my heartbreak momentarily being put on the back-burner.

“I know that.” I replied, trying desperately to hold myself back from forgiving him and pretending like he wasn’t turning me into a broken shell of a person.

“You’re not mad?” he questioned, sounding hopeful.

“No, Jake. I’m not mad.” I breathed out. Not mad, just heartbroken. The voice in my head screamed at me for not saying more, for not telling him exactly what he was doing to me. He couldn’t keep thinking that his actions were okay but I couldn’t bring myself to hurt his feelings, ironically enough. I was such a coward.

“Oh thank god.” he chuckled, letting out a relieved sigh. “So, what was that with Embry at lunch?”.

We stayed on the phone for a short while, talking about Embry. Embry was a neutral topic, one that kept Bella out of his mouth and my mind off of my emotions. It was nice to have Jacob’s voice making me feel less lonely in my empty, dark house. My heart still shattered at every syllable he spoke but I tried to ignore it for just a small moment of normality.

“So… we good?” he asked, yawning, just before we ended the call.

The reality was we weren’t good at all, we were barely functioning. I could say so many things, spill all of my Bella ridden feelings out to him, but I chickened out, answering with a simple “Yeah Jake, we’re fine.”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know this fic is very much becoming more about Embry but I promise it's going somewhere with Jacob, trust the process. Let me know what you thought! Stay safe <3


	12. Birthday Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” - Carrie Fisher.

“You’re coming, end of.” Embry huffed, crossing his arms and glaring harshly at me. Quil stood beside him, leaning on my kitchen counter with an amused smile.

“I doubt Jacob will want me there.” I sighed heavily.

“Of course he’ll want you there. Anyway, what about me? I want you there, you can’t leave me with Quil all night.” he whined, unfolding his arms to grab me by my shoulders and shake me. Quil made an angry noise at Embry’s comment and shoved him, Embry immediately putting him in a headlock and ruffling his hair. I rolled my eyes at them both, looking down at my feet and biting my lip out of nervous habit as I mulled over my options.

“Okay, okay. I’ll come.” I gave in, accepting that I was going to lose this argument no matter what, laughing at Embry’s cheer of excitement.

It was Jacob’s birthday, the day of his party. It already felt weird that Jacob hadn’t burst into my house first thing that morning to open his presents with me, he was busy with Bella setting up the party. I only knew that as Embry and Quil had been helping out all morning, coming to harass me immediately after. Quil was still blissfully aware to my recent depressive behaviour so he immediately announced that Bella had been there, Embry physically cringing but not doing anything else to draw attention to himself. I tried not to dwell on the thought that no one had asked me to travel down to help too.

“So, what are you wearing tonight?” Quil asked, freeing himself from Embry’s hold and freeing me from my upsetting train of thought.

“Why? So we can colour coordinate or because you don’t wanna show up in the same heels as me?” I teased.

“Hey! I would rock a pair of heels and you know it.” he exclaimed, pouting. Both Embry and I laughed at him, Quil eventually gave in and joined our laughing fit.

“Okay, shoo. I’ve got to get ready, get out.” I shouted, shoving them both towards the front door as they grumbled in protest. Quil reached past me to grab an apple from my kitchen table, biting into it as I shoved him and Embry through the threshold.

“So, I’ll pick you up at eight?” Embry asked, walking backwards down my drive.

“No, I’m getting a cab.” I replied stubbornly.

“Okay cool, I’ll be here at eight.” he winked. I was about to shout at him to tell him to not waste his time travelling all the way from the Reservation just to pick me up but he slid into his car, slamming the door closed behind him.

“See you at the party, (y/n)!” Quil waved before entering the car too. I flipped them off as they reversed down my drive, them both laughing from inside Embry’s car. 

As soon as I shut my front door I let out a strangled scream of frustration, letting out my anger over being convinced to go to Jake’s party. I knew that it would have been mean not to, especially after telling him we were on good terms, but the small voice in my head was pleading not to go. I knew I had no reason to panic, all of my friends would be there and if I so desperately wanted I could avoid Jacob the whole night. Of course, I wouldn’t do that. The sadistic part of me loved to make myself suffer by hanging around Jacob and his ever present sidekick, Bella. Despite everything, there would never be someone I loved more than I loved Jacob Black, which was why everything hurt so much but was also why I couldn’t just remove him from my life. It was a double edged sword and I continued to sit back and let myself be stabbed.

I took my time getting ready, shaving every inch of my body, doing a full face of glam makeup, curling my hair into loose waves that hung down my back, slipping on my dress and walking around my house in my heels for a while to get used to the feeling. I subconsciously knew there were plenty of reasons why I was taking so long on my appearance: I was distracting myself from thinking about the hundreds of ways the party could go wrong, I was giving myself a reason to not end up crying as I wouldn’t want to ruin my hard work, but most importantly I knew I wanted to try impress Jacob. If he could look at me and think “wow” just once then I’d be happy. I tried not to admit that to myself though, focusing on each of my little distractions.

By the time I had done toying with the way I looked the time had reached half past seven. I looked over myself once more in my bedroom mirror, admiring the way the black faux leather bodycon dress hugged my curves and my coordinating dark smokey eye drew attention to my eyes. My black, strappy heels improved my posture making my ass look amazing and the dress pushed my boobs up practically to my chin, my cleavage looking fantastic. I looked sultry, bad-ass, hot. I was proud of my work, not ashamed to admit that I cleaned up well. 

I made my way downstairs with Jacob’s presents, tempted to call a cab just to spite Embry but I decided to play nice and let him be the gentleman, wandering around my kitchen and patiently waiting for his arrival. I had just retrieved a bottle of whiskey from my dad’s “hidden” alcohol stash when Embry pounded on the front door, making me jump and nearly topple over in my heels. I was already dreading having to walk around in these heels, especially with alcohol in the mix. I’d soon be a goner. 

“Holy shit, (y/n)! You look hot.” Embry whistled as I opened the door.

“I know right!” I squealed in excitement as he chuckled, throwing his arm around my shoulders and dragging me outside.

“Damn right.” he agreed, nodding and smiling.

He took the pile of Jacob’s presents out of my arms, leaving me with my bottle of whiskey, and shoved them into the backseats before climbing into the front with me.

The drive to the party was fun, as always with Embry, so I didn’t even have time to panic about anything. I kept my mind in the present, screaming lyrics to cheesy pop songs with Embry, driving through the scenic view of a dimly-lit Forks. I’ve always loved the dark, the orange glow of street lights creepily lighting up the trees of Forks and twinkling like fairy lights beautifully clumped together by the beach of La Push. Nighttime made anything feel possible yet nothing felt real at the same time, a whimsical dream state of being. Being jolly with one of my favourite people in the world while taking swigs from a bottle of whisky that warmed up my body added perfectly to the experience.

As we pulled up to the venue of the party I almost slapped Embry, it being the building directly across the street from his house.

“Why the fuck did you pick me up?” I giggled, raising a hand to him playfully.

“You act like me doing a nice thing for you is the cruellest thing in the world.” he laughed back, grabbing my raised hand and placing it back onto my knee.

“I’m an independent woman, I can do things by myself.” I smiled proudly, the whiskey already taking a toll on me and making me feel giddy.

“No, you’re a pain in the ass.” Embry chuckled, taking my bottle of whiskey and taking a few large gulps from it.

“What’s the plan of action then?” I asked, anxiety bubbling up in my chest as I realised the time to face Jacob had finally arrived.

“We’ll go say hi to Jake first, get it over with. I’ll just hover around him with Quil for a while, you go say hi to Angela or whoever and if you need me you’ll find me near the alcohol with the loudest person in the whole building.” he smiled, scanning my eyes to check that I was alright with all of that.

“Yes sir.” I grinned, ignoring the nausea that took over as I thought about Bella being Jacob’s arm candy for the night.

“You’re hotter than her.” Embry whispered, leaning closer to me as if anyone else would possibly hear us from inside his car.

“Stop reading my mind.” I rolled my eyes despite being appreciative of his reassurance and humour. I closed my eyes for a few moments, collecting my thoughts and preparing myself for the night ahead, before opening them and staring up at Embry expectantly.

“Ready?” he asked, his hand hovering over the handle of his car door.

“As I’ll ever be, I guess.” I mumbled, taking back the whiskey and gulping down a few burning mouthfuls before stepping out into the contrastingly cold night air.

Almost every senior from Forks High and the Reservation’s High School was crammed inside the overflowing building which was basically set up like a nightclub. Purple and blue flashing lights lit the packed room and some generic dance music was blasting from the tall speakers surrounding the main room. Embry grabbed my hand as he pulled me through the sea of dancing teenagers, I noticed myself swaying slightly as I clung tightly to the bottle in my other hand. Embry was guiding us to a brightly lit room, it looked almost surgical in contrast with the seedy club lighting of the dance floor. As we got closer I realised it was some kind of kitchen, piles of alcohol and empty solo cups filling the counters. As Embry pulled me even closer, I spotted Jacob.

The childish part of me wanted to stomp my feet and stop Embry from taking me any further but Embry wasn’t even paying enough attention to me for that to work. My heart pounded and butterflies fluttered in the pit of my stomach as we were now only a few steps away from entering the almost empty room with the boy I dreaded coming face to face with. I had to squint and my head throbbed ever so slightly as my eyes adjusted to the bright light. There were three people inside the room, all chatting and laughing with red solo cups in their hands. Jacob, Quil and Bella. Quil immediately spotted us entering the room, my heels clicking on the tiled floor and echoing off of the walls giving us away.

“Hey guys!” Quil shouted, waving at us.

Jacob and Bella’s heads both immediately turned to where he was waving. Jacob smiled brightly at me, the butterflies in my stomach going crazy, before his eyes dropped to mine and Embry’s intertwined hands. I hadn’t even thought about the connotations of the action, it was only so we didn’t lose each other in the crowd, but Jacob… grimaced. He looked offended, like it was a personal attack against him. Yet again I was left confused by his actions, not being able to pull an explanation from my fuzzy mind.

“Hey bro.” Embry grinned, leaving my side to go thump Quil’s shoulder. I was left staring at Jacob, Bella diverting her attention to the inside of her cup.

“Hi birthday boy.” I smiled lightly, the whisky settling in my stomach making me feel happier than I usually would be around Jacob and Bella.

“(Y/N). You look… wow. You look great. Better than great. Come here.” his eyes raked over my body, making me feel slightly shy under his gaze, before he opened up his broad arms for me to run into.

I giggled, both in joy at getting my desired reaction out of Jacob and also because I felt giddy over the idea of hugging Jacob. It had been far too long since I’d had any physical contact with Jacob and, despite my hurt, I missed him far too much to not jump at the opportunity. I didn’t run but I briskly walked into his arms, stumbling into his chest.

His arms wrapped around me and I finally felt at home. I was exactly where I needed to be. My body relaxed into his, my previous anxieties regarding him melting away and drifting from my mind. He squeezed me tightly as I tried my best to not get makeup all over his clothes. He looked really hot in his slightly unbuttoned dress shirt and black jeans. Sophisticated yet casual, well, sophisticated in Jacob’s standards. I felt slightly flustered and warm as he swayed me in his arms, his scent getting me drunker than any alcohol could.

Sadly, he eventually let me go. I pouted up at him and he chuckled and rolled his eyes at me. It felt like nothing at all had changed between us. He snatched the bottle of whiskey which had miraculously not dropped out of my grip and took a swig.

“Shit that’s strong.” he scrunched up his nose as he swallowed down the bronze liquid, passing the bottle back to me.

“(Y/N)’s practically already drunk.” Embry laughed, approaching my side. Jacob reacted weirdly, his smile at Embry looking forced and slightly annoyed. Embry quirked up an eyebrow at him in silent question before turning to me suddenly, startling me. “Shit we left the presents in the car.” he groaned, presumably not willing to go back out into the cold.

I was about to reply when Jacob interrupted me, “Oh, you two came together?” he asked.

I nodded at Jacob, turning to give a dirty look at Embry. Embry shook his head at me with an amused smirk, finding my stubbornness funny. Jacob just stayed silent, a crease forming between his eyebrows as he mulled over whatever was on his mind.

“You want a drink?” Embry asked me, taking my precious bottle of whiskey away from me. I nodded at his offer, asking for a vodka and coke as he placed my whiskey somewhere within the crowd of other bottles.

I took a deep breath, forcing my words to come out “Hey Bella, you want anything?”.

She looked up at me in shock, as if she thought she had turned invisible and couldn’t believe I was seeing her. She shook her head at me but smiled gratefully, wiggling her cup to signal that she wasn’t ready for a refill yet. I mentally patted myself on the back for breaking the ice with Bella and not freaking out but I couldn’t take much pride, the alcohol was the thing giving me a much needed boost.

I looked over Bella’s body, observing her casually dolled up form. She was wearing jeans, typical, but they looked good on her. Her hair was loosely curled and her lack of makeup didn’t make her look any less gorgeous. She was so effortlessly beautiful, it made me green with envy. She noticed me staring and looked away shyly, backing away from the centre of attention.

Embry returned with my drink, holding one for himself too. We stayed in the kitchen for a small while, all listening to some story that Quil was rambling on about. I convinced the boys to do shots with me, cheersing to Jacob’s birthday as multiple doses of cherry flavoured liquid made their way down my throat. I giggled as my thoughts got foggier and my vision got blurrier, letting myself feel light and free as the alcohol swept me away.

“Another drink for you, ma’am.” Embry smiled jollily, clumsily replacing my empty solo cup with a full one.

“I’m going to go find Angela. I think.” I smiled back.

“Stay safe, sweet cheeks. Find me if you need me.” he winked as I burst out laughing at ‘sweet cheeks’. I carried on giggling to myself as I stumbled away from him, back into the masses.

The darkness of the main room, despite the colourful flashing lights, helped my strained eyes relax. I took a second to process the fact that I was truly happy, a feeling that I welcomed with open arms. It had been a while since I had felt carefree. I stumbled around for a while, saying hi to random people I recognised, before I eventually ran into Angela.

“You’re here!” she squealed, hugging me tightly.

“I’m here!” I giggled as she squeezed me, awkwardly pinning my hands to my side.

“I’m here too.” Eric chuckled, I hadn’t even noticed he had been standing next to Angela. 

“Where’s Jacob?” Angela asked, her face flushed to match the bright red of her dress due to the alcohol in her system.

“With Bella. What did you expect?” I laughed, playing it off as a joke despite being pretty serious. I was far too happy to dwell on anything Jacob-related in that moment. I quickly changed the topic, asking Angela and Eric who they’d seen tonight.

We talked for a long time, ending up all clumsily dancing together on the dancefloor at one point. Eric was slowly nursing his drink as me and Angela repeatedly downed any drinks handed our way. I was getting way too drunk but I was way too happy to care. Eventually though, my body began to overheat both due to the crowd of sweaty teenagers and the warmth of the booze flowing through my body. I shouted over the music to Angela that I was going to step outside for a minute, she was far too gone to care much as she waved me off and squealed as she spotted Jessica and Mike.

I remembered seeing a fire exit through the kitchen and decided that would be my easiest escape route, not wanting to squeeze through even more people to reach the main entrance. I stumbled my way back towards the painfully bright room, accidentally bumping into a variety of bodies. As soon as I made it to the kitchen I immediately felt the sweet breeze from outside cool my body, the fire exit already slightly open. It felt heavenly. As I got a moment alone I quickly realised just how drunk I was, solid thoughts not staying in my mind for too long as I barely managed putting one foot in front of the other. I couldn’t help but laugh at my state, enjoying the way I felt loose and relaxed.

The leathery material of my dress slipping against my glistening skin reminded me of my main goal, clinging onto as many surfaces as I could as I made my way to the open door. As soon as I stepped outside into the night, a delicious breeze hit me. It sobered me up ever so slightly, the coldness shocking my senses back to reality.

It took me a while to notice them at first, my eyes still struggling to recognise faces. Jacob and Bella were stood together by some bushes, far away enough that I couldn’t hear them but close enough that the light from the building lit up their perfect faces. I thought nothing of it, my drunk brain just excited to see Jacob. I hadn’t particularly concerned myself over his whereabouts up until now but I realised just how little I had seen him around, especially with it being his party.

Two things happened at once. I noticed Bella’s body was being swallowed up by one of Jacob’s sweaters. My favourite sweater, nonetheless. I felt the wind get knocked out of my lungs as I took in her form, my jolly drunk brain suddenly remembering just how torturous my sober life was. Jacob didn’t want me, he wanted her. I didn’t appreciate the reminder of how broken I was. And the other thing...

It happened so quickly that I didn’t process it for a good few seconds, I just stood staring. Jacob’s hand wrapped around the back of Bella’s neck, her beautiful brown hair blowing in the breeze, and pulled her in for a powerful kiss. They stood right in front of me, kissing. I could practically hear the fireworks going off in their heads. I stood there unfeeling for a while, definitely in shock. My throat dried up and it felt like I had turned to stone. It didn’t take long for my brain to catch up with my eyes though, a billion thoughts attacking me at once as I ran back inside faster than I had ever moved in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies!! I have a couple things to say so I'll just list them:
> 
> \- Thank you for 2000+ hits!! That's so unreal to me, it wasn't that long ago that I was thanking you all for 1000! It means a lot to me, especially for my first twilight fic and my first ever fic posted onto ao3  
> \- More importantly thank you for 100+ notes!!!! Thank you so much for showing your appreciation for my work, I do put a surprising amount of effort into it (I even watch Jacob scenes from all the films and read parts of New Moon to make this Jacob as Jacob-y as possible) and it feels so amazing to have that validated  
> \- I appreciate the feedback I receive so much, I love knowing which parts make you the most excited or which hit home particularly hard, or things you're excited to see unfold or which characters you're enjoying etc. Feedback is always SO welcomed and it makes me so happy to see :)  
> \- If you happen to read my other twilight fic, a quick note on that is that updates will probably be less frequent now as they take so much time to write especially with 2 ongoing fics
> 
> To summarise, you're all amazing and I appreciate you all so much. I hope you enjoyed this chapter <3


	13. Acting Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're going to have to put your faith in me for this one.

My legs guided me straight towards the sink, my body knowing what was about to happen before my brain did. As soon as my hands made contact with the cold metal of the outer rim of the kitchen sink I heaved everything out of me. Even when my stomach had completely emptied itself, I continued dry heaving as tears burned my eyes. I couldn’t even think, my body went into auto-pilot mode as I sobbed into the sink.

Obviously, a crush often leads to something more, I get that. But I thought Bella had been in love with Edward, I thought she was broken over him. I had been relying on that to keep Bella at bay, so what was she doing kissing the love of my life in the dark? I had tricked myself into believing that Jacob’s crush would stay just that, a crush, until the Cullens returned and Bella unceremoniously ditched him again. Maybe the Cullens were never coming back, maybe Bella had been told something I didn’t know. Or maybe she was using Jacob as a rebound. Or maybe she wasn’t to blame at all, maybe it was all Jacob. But what I saw was two people kissing and neither of them seemed miserable about the experience.

After a while of physically gagging at the images burned into the forefront of my brain, I pulled myself together. With practically everything having left my system, I was suddenly too sober for my liking. I walked around the kitchen without struggle as I found some tissues to dry my eyes with and thankfully a packet of gum to get rid of the evidence that I’d just spilled my guts.

I stood in the kitchen for a while, chewing my gum mindlessly and staring off into space. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking of nothing but Jacob’s perfect lips on Bella’s and it made my whole body tremble. I was tempted to go back outside and see what had happened after I had left the crime scene but I decided against it, guessing that the fact they hadn't returned inside yet would mean I’d just see something even more upsetting. I didn’t want to have to think about it anymore, and with that thought I grabbed a random bottle of something strong from the masses in the kitchen and took myself back out onto the dancefloor.

I walked through the dim room chugging my bottle, letting the burn in the back of my throat sooth my emotional pain. I couldn’t help but smile when I gradually started to stumble as I made my way through the crowd. My pity party was halted when I felt Angela’s firm hand on my arm.

“Have you been crying?” she asked, squinting from under her glasses. I was shocked that she had noticed, I thought I did a good job of covering the evidence plus the flashing purple and blue of the room would surely have dimmed my tear stained face. That was Angela for you, overly observant. At least she wasn’t as bad as Bella. Oh god, Bella.

“Please ignore me, Ang. I’m just feeling sorry for myself.” I chuckled, patting her hand that stayed firmly gripping my arm. She scowled at me for a moment, scouring my face for answers, before giving in.

“Here, have a shot.” she shouted over the music, handing me one of the plastic shot glasses in her hand. I took it with the hand that wasn’t holding my bottle of, what I had deducted, was vodka. She grinned drunkenly at me as we cheersed our shots together before swallowing them down. It went straight to my brain, making me feel nice and fuzzy once again.

That’s when I caught a glimpse of Embry on the dancefloor. Something snapped within my brain. I’d been telling myself over and over again for weeks that I needed to get over my feelings for Jacob but I didn’t ever act on it. I needed to act on it. As soon as I finally spotted Embry I had a strike of inspiration. A light bulb moment. He was in the middle of the dancefloor, his hair dampened and pushed back into a quiff, his black shirt sticking to his body as he swayed to the rhythm of the song without a care in the world. I’d never observed Embry in detail but my blurry, drunk brain was taking pleasure in doing so. I took one final big swig from the bottle in my hand and handed it over to Angela. Before I could stop myself, I was mumbling a goodbye to her as I stumbled my way over to Embry, pushing through the masses of drunken bodies.

I noticed he was dancing with a girl who I didn’t recognise but as soon as we locked eyes he forgot she existed, meeting me halfway as I drunkenly giggled my way through the crowd. I couldn’t help but smile at the fact one of my boys still prioritised me. As soon as I reached him he grinned and grabbed my hand, making me sway to the music with him with a wild grin stuck to his face. I watched him enjoying himself, biting my lip and letting my eyelids droop as I did so, his touch burning my skin. He raised an eyebrow at me playfully before pulling me closer so he was holding my waist instead of my hand. 

I let the music take over my body, grinding myself into Embry to the beat of the song. Embry’s amused smirk didn’t leave his face as he watched me, him lazily grinding back into me. I was grinding against one of my best friends in the whole entire world and I couldn’t find it within myself to care. I felt happy, warm, comforted, desired. All of my inhibitions had flown out of the window, I was too busy living in the present.

I grew tired of Embry’s smug smile and turned my back to him, not faltering in my dancing as I moved. He pulled me closer to him, grabbing my waist with both of his hands and guiding me flush against his body. I felt exhilarated and bold, like I could do anything in the whole entire world. I was enjoying the feeling of power sizzling through my veins.

We continued grinding to the music, his crotch firmly pressed against the curve of my ass. He started getting handsy, his touch making my skin light up and he ran his palms over my hips. I knew he’d go along with whatever I threw his way, and it was perfect. He was just a drunk, horny teenage boy and I was a drunk, horny, bitter teenage girl.

“What’s gotten into you, missus?” Embry chuckled, craning his head down so I could hear over the bass.

“I don’t wanna talk right now. I wanna forget.” I scowled, trying to suppress the flashing images in my mind.

Embry didn’t press on further, opting instead to press his body into mine. I giggled giddily to myself as I felt him growing hard against my body as I swayed my hips and let my hands tangle through my hair. Embry had always been the type of boy to think with his dick, sleeping with anyone who threw the opportunity his way. Sex didn’t mean much to him, it wasn’t about feelings, and I needed that right now. I needed this from him as a friend.

“You do know what you’re doing, right?” Embry chuckled deeply into my ear, moving my hair to the side. Goosebumps followed wherever his touch went.

“Mhm.” I managed out as his lips gently kissed along my shoulder. The affection felt heavenly and it was hard to focus on anything else, it’s like the whole room melted away.

“We’re just friends, (y/n).” he pressed on.

“Exactly, Em! Exactly. Would you rather I found some stranger instead? Let him take me home and fuck the shit out of me?” I giggled, feeling light headed as endorphins rushed around my brain. I was being bold, way too bold, but I had no filter in that moment. Embry reacted well to it anyway, growling and biting my shoulder making me gasp.

I turned around to face him, his face flushed and sweat beading in his hairline as he stared at me with dark eyes. The way I turned my head meant our faces were very close… very, very close. It was a mixture of everything that made me do it: the atmosphere, the alcohol, bitterness, desire, Embry’s warm touch, my trust in him. I leaned in closer to his ear so he would hear what I had to say, giving myself a moment to scan my brain for any apprehension or warning signs but the alcohol in my system said _fuck it_. I decided to tease him further, “Or what about Quil? I could find him instead, I’m sure he’d be more than happy to help. Or even Mike. Or what about-”

I got cut off as Embry crashed his lips into mine, my knees going weak under the force of his kiss. His lips were deliciously rough against my own and it was exactly the medication I desired. I didn’t even have time to panic or think logically as he deepened the kiss, it quickly growing sloppy and desperate and we clashed teeth and tongues. It did feel slightly weird being with Embry like this but I didn’t let myself focus on that, just letting myself go with the flow.

We broke away from each other to breathe, both panting and chests heaving. I couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous the whole situation was and Embry playfully rolled his eyes at me. Of course we’d still be joking around in this context, I already knew with certainty that nothing was about to change between us.

“I might regret this but just let me do it, okay?” I shouted into his ear over the music, slightly slurring my words.

“If you go all weird on me after…” he laughed, scowling at me accusingly.

“Don’t be stupid.” I giggled, scowling back at him.

We were both using each other and we knew it, the ground rules being established. I wasn’t mad about it and Embry’s length pressing against my thigh showed he wasn’t upset either. He leaned down and connected our lips again, one of his hands snaking up to my hair and tugging it slightly making me moan into his mouth. We continued grinding and making out on the dancefloor, it was messy and dirty and fun and so perfectly Embry.

“How far are you wanting this to go, princess?” he teased against my lips, the joking pet name doing a surprising amount for me. I had to squeeze my thighs together as I looked into his eyes.

“Fuck me.” I confidently replied, giggling as Embry growled at my words. What was it with all the boys acting so feral recently?

I just wanted to feel something. Yes, I was a virgin, but I wasn’t someone who’s opposed to sex before marriage and I wasn’t particularly keen on staying pure. I wasn’t saving myself for someone special, although a particular person did drift to the forefront of my mind. I’d had many opportunities to have sex, I’d just never wanted to up until now. But right then I couldn’t think of one thing in the whole entire world that I could want more.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), you’re ridiculous.” he mumbled deeply against my neck as he trailed small pecks down to my collar bone.

“And you, Embry Call, are insatiable.” I mumbled back, letting my head tilt backwards in pleasure as I ran my fingers through his deep brown hair. I couldn’t help but question what Jacob would think if he saw this, just like how I’d seen him, but I quickly lost my train of thought as Embry grinded his erection directly into my clothed core. 

All of a sudden he grabbed my hand and pulled me from the dancefloor, making me giggle as I struggled to keep my footing. We practically ran out of the building, both drawing attention to ourselves as we laughed manically. As soon as we made it outside I moaned at the feeling of the cold air back on my scorching skin, causing Embry to raise an eyebrow at me with a cheeky smirk.

“WOOO!” he suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs into the empty night sky, spinning round with his arms out. I noticed that it had started raining lightly, small droplets of water kissing at my skin. “We’re on top of the world, babe.” he grinned up at the stars.

I laughed at Embry’s antics and shoved him lightly, feeling giddy like two children who had eaten too much sugar. Embry laughed too, grabbing my hand and twirling me around like he did at school the other day. My alcohol filled stomach didn’t take well to being spun around so I quickly put an end to it by planting a firm kiss on Embry’s lips. He groaned into the kiss, pulling me closer and heating my skin back up. The cold air was nothing on Embry. Just like Jake.

“Fancy coming back to mine?” Embry smiled as he broke away from the kiss, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at me. He clearly knew what I wanted and he was determined to make me ask for it again and again. He was definitely enjoying this way too much.

“Shut up before I change my mind.” I giggled, poking his chest weakly.

“Are you sure you’re sure about this? I don’t want to damage our friendship.” he said seriously, despite the drunk smile on his face not faltering.

“I don’t see why not. I’m hot and pissed and on the pill.” I grinned, leaning against him for stability. I seemed to convince him enough, after all he knew who my heart truly belonged to. This was a transactional situation, feelings completely off the table. It was only Embry for fuck sake.

“Come on, let’s go.” he chuckled, my same old stupid Embry reining proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you enjoyed this kind of short chapter, I promise I'm not about to ruin Embry's character. I'm not going to include smut with Embry though because that would take away the main focus of the story however if any of you want me to write the smut scene I could always add it to the story when it's finished as like a bonus? Let me know if you would want that. Let me know what you thought about the chapter or tell me anything, I love just hearing from you guys. I promise it won't be angsty forever but you did sign up for this experience! <3 (bonus points to anyone who understood the Heathers reference)


	14. Double Act to Solo Career

I groaned as soon as I woke up, my head throbbing and my mouth feeling disgustingly dry like I had swallowed fistfulls of sand. The light behind my eyelids felt blinding and I dreaded having to open them, rolling over so the pillows beside me would shield me from the sunlight. Instead of hitting the pillows, I hit a rock-solid mass. The mass grumbled at the impact. I begrudgingly peeled my eyes open and almost burst out laughing as I realised I was face to face with Embry Call’s back, the previous night’s events spottily flashing through my mind. Oh, what a mess.

Despite my attempt to stifle my laugh, I somehow managed to wake Embry. He rolled over, shoving his own face into his pillows.

“Ew, we kissed.” he jokingly gagged into the pillows.

“Gross.” I agreed, nodding my head at the ceiling with a wide smile that wouldn’t budge from my face.

I quickly realised I was naked, blush creeping up my neck at the thought, and I took the opportunity of Embry’s face being smothered to find some clothes. Despite him obviously having seen everything last night, I wasn’t going to lose the habit of covering up around my friends. I sat up in bed, my stomach feeling uneasy as I did so and my head spinning. I scavenged his floor for my clothes, sliding my discarded underwear back on and throwing one of Embry’s large crumpled up shirts over my head. When I was satisfied with my attire I sat cross-legged on the bed, repeatedly prodding Embry’s back until he gave me attention.

“Did you know you’re annoying?” he groaned, his words coming out muffled and groggy.

“Mhm.” I hummed in agreement, poking him extra hard.

“Okay, okay. What?” he chuckled, rolling over to face me. He threw his arm over his eyes to shield himself from the light coming from his windows.

“Hi.” I cheesily grinned, making him laugh again.

“Is that it?” he scowled, moving his arm from his eyes to run a hand through his dishevelled hair.

“We need to have _the talk_.” I replied, trying not to laugh once again at how funny the situation was. Me and Embry Call, the fuckboy idiot that I had known since I was tiny, had slept together… someone could write a whole comedy about that. The air between us was slightly awkward but nothing scary, we just needed to acknowledge what happened.

“If it’s the bird and the bees talk, I think it’s a bit late for that.” he joked.

“Ha ha very funny.” I scowled, leaning over to grab a pillow and throwing it at his face.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish.” he threatened, laughing and throwing the pillow back at me into my lap.

“Embry come on, stop being so irritating.”

“Me? Irritating?” he scoffed, placing a hand on his heart in fake hurt.

“Embry!” I whined in annoyance, falling back onto the bed. We both rolled over to face each other, having a small staring competition before Embry gave in with a sigh.

“What do you wanna discuss, little lady?” he asked. I softly hit his muscly arm, just because all of the boys are giants didn’t make me small. “Do you regret it?” he pressed on, looking into my eyes with a more serious look.

“No, oh my god. Not at all. Maybe we shouldn’t have done… _that_ but I’m sick of being the good influence.” I lightly laughed.

“ _That_ being wicked sex? Good. I don’t regret it either, you’re objectively attractive and it was fun. But I agree, let's not make a habit of it.” he laughed too, his tense muscles relaxing slightly.

“Wasn’t planning on it.” I rolled my eyes at him playfully. “Just friends, yeah?” I asked, double checking we were on the same page.

“(Y/N), you’re the one in love with your best friend, not me.” he teased, earning another pillow being thrown at his head. I forcefully tried not to think about Jacob yet, storing that pain away for just a few more peaceful minutes. Embry threw the pillow back in my face, inevitably causing a pillow fight to break out between us. We rolled around for a while, me squealing and shouting as Embry gained the upper hand in the fight. Any awkward tension between us completely melted away and it was just me and Embry like normal, just with a few items of clothing missing.

“Put some clothes on, I’m hungry.” I giggled as the fight died down, purposefully eyeing his bright pink boxers making him hit me with a pillow for a final time.

“I might get a shirt printed that says ‘I took (Y/N)’s virginity’. Congrats, by the way.” he laughed to himself as he leaped off of the bed. I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest in irritation at his teasing but that made him laugh harder.

Embry threw on some sweatpants, staying bare chested, and threw a pair of shorts my way. I barely even acknowledged his lack of a shirt which made me smile to myself, glad that any attraction towards Embry only lasted for a few brief drunken hours. When we were both reasonably dressed Embry grabbed my hand and guided me out of his messy bedroom, across the hall towards his kitchen. I was overly grateful that his mom had a night shift and still wasn’t home, if she had heard me last night then I’d definitely have a death wish by now. I was glad my memories of the previous night were spotty because I was already physically cringing every time I thought back.

Like the gentleman he sometimes decided to be, Embry offered to cook us both pancakes. He turned on the radio as he clumsily cooked, us both humming along together as I watched him from where I sat at the table. I felt relaxed and happy, surprisingly happy, and it felt refreshing. The sizzling of the pan and Embry’s humming kept my mind distracted from wandering to dangerous territory. That was until Embry plated up our pancakes, drawing a smiley face on both stacks with maple syrup, and placed mine in front of me.

“So what made you act out last night?” Embry questioned as he sat down at the table with his plate, already digging into his pancakes.

“Thank you for the food, I’m surprised it looks this good.” I nervously smiled over at him, avoiding the conversation.

“Don’t change the subject, it can’t be that bad.” he mumbled through a mouthful of pancake.

I finally let myself think about Jacob and the events of the party and I almost burst out into tears immediately at the mental image of his lips on Bella’s. Embry must have noticed because he placed a reassuring hand on my knee, a wary look on his face. I caught the love of my life and the girl I envied the most making out, no big deal. Not like my whole world had shifted or anything.

“I saw Jacob and Bella kissing.” I murmured, my voice coming out soft and mousy.

“Oh Jesus Christ.” Embry sighed, leaning back on his chair and squeezing his eyes shut. “That fucking idiot, man.” he groaned.

“Yeah, it sucked.” I laughed drily, placing my hand on top of Embry’s.

“Bella kissed him back? Really?” Embry asked, disbelief in his voice.

“That’s what I saw.” I shrugged.

“I thought for sure she was all about that creepy Cullen guy.” he said, stabbing his pancakes particularly hard with his fork. I nodded and shrugged again, unsure of what to say.

“So were you trying to get back at him? Was it like a revenge thing?” Embry asked genuinely, no judgement or hurt in his voice. He was amazingly understanding, he was the best.

“No, it wasn’t like that. I think I was trying to prove to myself that I didn’t need him.” I chuckled at my own logic.

“Did it work?” he tilted his head like a confused puppy.

I thought hard about his question, letting myself truly think for the first time since I had woken up. Despite my prominent inner turmoil over Bella and Jacob, I realised that overall I hadn’t felt particularly sad all morning. It was the longest happy streak I’d had since Bella moved to Forks.

I probably wouldn’t have slept with Embry without the helpful assistance of alcohol but that didn’t mean I regretted it, not by any means. I’d felt chained to Jacob for so long, it’s like the shackles were finally breaking. I had never felt more free. I finally felt like my own person, capable of being more than just half of a duo. I could make my own decisions, take my own path in life. I felt like this was what I needed to realise my own worth. Jacob or no Jacob, I was more than capable of being independent.

Seeing him kiss Bella had shocked me and hurt me, that was undeniable. Thinking about it too hard made tears well in my eyes and my heart ached... but I had shown myself that I was a person outside of Jacob. Yes I still missed him, I loved the very bones of him but maybe, just maybe, I didn’t need him as desperately as I once thought. Maybe I could get through this heartbreak and come out stronger at the end.

I physically cringed at the thought of a life void of Jacob. Simply put, he was my life. All of it. I was more than certain that my aim wasn’t to remove Jake from my life but I didn’t know who _I_ was up until this point, he was ingrained in my DNA. I’d spent my whole life loving him and now I needed to try and love myself, as cheesy as it sounds. Who knew that having sex could be so profound? I was on a high.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think it sort of did.” I eventually replied with a proud smile. Embry smiled widely back at me, squeezing my knee where his hand still laid.

“I’m proud of you. He doesn’t deserve you, that fucking douchebag. Right now, at least.” he grinned, his eyes twinkling as he looked into mine. For now I still desperately needed Jacob, I was still broken over his recent behaviour, but little pieces of me were starting to repair themselves.

What shocked both me and Embry out of our little jolly bubble was three loud and sudden thuds on the front door, as if someone was trying to break right through it at full force. We both scowled at each other, Embry shoving one last forkful of pancake into his mouth before he stood up to look out of the kitchen window to see what had made the noise.

“Speak of the devil...” he grumbled, not saying another word to me as he made his way to the front door. Me being the nosy person I was immediately jumped up from my chair and followed him, stumbling out of the kitchen just as he opened the door to a furious looking Jacob.

“Jacob, what-” Embry started before being aggressively shoved by Jacob.

“What the fuck, dude?” Jacob spat through gritted teeth as Embry stared at him with wide eyes.

“What the fuck yourself!” Embry shouted back, pushing Jacob in retaliation and stepping out into the cold morning air.

I stood there speechless, not even able to scold their aggressive behaviour like I usually would. Why was Jacob here? And why the hell was he so angry at Embry? All of a sudden, Jacob’s attention turned to me.

“Nice of you both to get dressed just for me. You’re the talk of the town.” he laughed out cruelly, his tone sarcastic and mean. He ran both of his hands through his dark hair and tugged it slightly at the root, letting out some of his frustrations.

“What's that supposed to mean? What are you doing here?” Embry asked, his own anger rapidly rising at the confrontation.

“You fucked (y/n), you asshole.” Jacob growled, his jaw clenching. I couldn’t help but scoff.

“So?” Embry asked, slightly amused. That amusement was wiped clean off his face when Jacob landed a punch straight to his jaw. Embry immediately reacted, shoving Jacob straight to the ground. They threw a couple more punched at each other on the ground, curses echoing through the morning air, before I finally reacted.

“Hey, hey! Stop that shit right now.” I shouted, running over to them at full speed.

Jacob was on top of Embry by that point, straddling him as he threw another punch to his already bruising jaw. As soon as I reached them I wrapped my arms around Jacob’s large torso, pulling him backwards and off of Embry. I’m sure he let me move him, my strength usually not being up to moving the boulder that was Jacob.

“Jacob what is your problem, seriously?” I asked him as he stood up, his face still furious and his lip now bleeding. I had to tilt my neck to look up at him.

“My problem is the fact you two slept together.” he grimaced, his hands curling up into fists at his side.

“Bit hypocritical coming from someone who was all over Bella last night.” Embry spat from the ground. Jacob tried to make a move to start up the fight again but I stepped in between where he stood and where Embry laid on the gravel.

“You saw that?” he asked the both of us, not knowing who told who.

“Trust me Jake, I saw that.” I laughed bitterly.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Leave it to you, (y/n).” he rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, Jacob. What me and Embry did has nothing to do with you. Keep your testosterone levels to yourself.” I piped back.

“It has everything to do with me.” he scowled, clenching his jaw again.

“No it hasn’t! What I do with my body doesn’t involve you!” I shouted, offended that he would even act like he had any right to be angry when he himself was abandoning me to mess around with some girl. “What’s gotten into you lately? You’re acting like someone else and I hate it.” my harsh words making him wince.

“I… I don’t know.” he replied, suddenly looking very confused and upset. His shoulders slumped and his clenched fists unravelled. I saw a tiny glimpse of my old Jacob return.

“Yeah, what is this about? Some kind of violation of the bro code? She doesn’t belong to you, asshole. You passed up that chance when you got it.” Embry shouted from the ground. I froze at Embry’s last statement, panic alarms going off in my mind that he was giving away my secret. Jacob did absolutely the opposite, not paying attention to any hidden meaning behind Embry’s words as he shoved me out of the way so he could throw some more punches at Embry.

When Jacob shoved me I fell, hard. I fell straight onto the gravel, my arm getting cut on a sharp rock as I tried to stop my head from hitting the ground. I was in pure shock. His strength was something I had witnessed many times but it had never been like that and it had especially never been used against me. The fall didn’t really hurt too much but the emotional pain stung. Both of the boys got a couple of punches in before they froze, both turning their attention to me.

“(Y/N), I am so sorry…” Jacob almost whimpered as he realised what he had done, his eyes blazing with sadness as he looked over me. He let go of his hold on Embry and immediately rushed to try to help me up but I shook his hands off of me.

“Don’t touch me.” I spoke calmly despite the raging fire within me.

“I didn’t mean to push you that hard, I have no idea what happened. I shouldn’t have pushed you at all. I-I didn’t even know I was that strong… I-”

“Drop it, Jacob.” Embry sighed heavily, coming over to my side. He helped me up gently, Jacob visibly wincing as I let Embry help me instead of him. I wasn’t angry at Jacob, I knew a teddy bear like him would never hurt me on purpose, but I was disappointed. I looked at him and saw the outer shell of my best friend but I had no idea who this person was. He was violent, angry, distant and cruel. Lashing out like that at his two closest friends was something completely new.

“No, let me explain.” Jacob pleaded, his voice growing antsy and panicked.

“Jacob, I love you but...” I took a deep, shaky breath as I tried to stop myself from running into his arms and telling him everything was okay... because it wasn’t “you need to leave.”.

“But-” he started again.

“Jake, for fuck sake just go.” Embry glared, his face full of irritation and anger.

I couldn’t look at Jacob’s wounded, puppy dog face any longer so I forced myself to not look back as Embry escorted me back into his house, me slightly limping on the foot I had fallen on. I hated that I felt bad, almost guilty, for Jacob after his aggressive outburst but there was just something inside of me screaming that none of his behaviour was his own fault. Something was going on and I desperately wanted to see inside of his mind to try and figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey angels! Wow, angst, who's shocked. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as always make sure to let me know! My birthday is coming up very very soon so I've been in a great mood... maybe that means the next chapter isn't so angsty... who knows! Angst if my favourite, in case you couldn't tell. I promise things will get better for (y/n) and Jacob eventually but who doesn't love a good heartache, there's still plenty of it to come. Thank you for reading, you're all the best <3


	15. Bruises

I spent the rest of the morning at Embry’s house, immediately tending to his bloody knuckles and busted lip in his tiny bathroom. Growing up with Jacob meant I was a pro at dealing with injuries, used to bruises and scrapes. I wrapped up Embry’s hand in some bandages that I had found after washing all of the dried blood away. He sat patiently on the edge of his bathtub and watched me intently as I looked after his cuts, but he immediately burst into a fit of rage when I declared myself finished. He looked funny as he cursed and shouted about Jacob while holding an ice pack to his bruised jaw.

“Not that it was okay when it was just you, but he’s taking his immature anger issues out on me now? Who the fuck does he think he is?” he huffed, pacing into his living room as I followed him, watching from the couch.

“Embry-”

“He’s just such a fucking-”

“Embry.” I warned, watching his jaw and fists clench and unclench.

“I swear to god, next time I see him-”

“Embry!” I scolded, raising my voice and finally capturing his attention.

“What?” he groaned, throwing his ice pack onto the coffee table in misdirected anger.

“Come sit down.” I sighed, patting the seat next to me. I could only let him rant for so long, the carpet would wear down if he continued to pace anymore. He plopped himself down beside me with a pout, leaning his head on my shoulder. The warmth of his body felt nice against my own and I couldn’t help but curl into him. We both needed the comfort right now.

“I can’t deal with this… with him… anymore.” he sighed, sounding as exhausted as I felt.

“I’ll deal with it.” I replied, my instinct to fix every problem kicking in.

“Oh, like how you’ve been _dealing_ with it so far?” Embry scoffed, his words coming across harsh. I tensed up, not knowing why he’d make a comment like that right now. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that.” he rushed out, removing his head from my shoulder to look into my eyes to check the damage he’d done.

I just shrugged, averting my eyes and stiffly untangling myself from him, standing up to go make myself a coffee in his kitchen. Coffee was just an excuse but god knows I needed one. Thankfully, Embry let me have a small amount of alone time and didn’t follow after me. I needed some time to think and take everything in, a lot had happened in the space of twenty four hours.

I debated signing all of the boys up for anger management classes because they needed to stop taking their feelings out on their own friends. It’s like they were all collectively tightly wound up for some reason, bursting at any given opportunity. Jacob was definitely behaving the worst, turning into someone none of us recognised right in front of our eyes with no explanation... and he seemed to be just as confused. All the little things he’d done were building up: making me go to gym for Bella, abandoning me for days to go find Bella, inviting Bella to the beach, forgetting to pick me up, letting Bella wear his sweaters, snapping at me at school… kissing Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella. And now he was getting into fist fights with Embry. Even his occasional bizarre and unpredictable jealousy was new and weird. I hated it all, it left a bitter taste in my mouth and a heavy feeling in my heart.

I decided to brew a coffee for Embry too and carried both of our drinks into his living room, passing him his mug with a slightly forced smile. His eyes looked sad and I hated it, I just wanted everything to be okay. I sat down cross legged on the carpeted floor and Embry joined me, sliding off the sofa to sit across from me.

“I’m really sorry, I honestly don’t know what came over me.” Embry apologised again, his voice sounding pained as he glanced down at the ground for a moment. I took a sip of my well deserved coffee, humming into it. Embry’s words reminded me of how Jacob too claimed that he _didn’t know_ why he was acting differently. Huh. Something in the air was fucking up my boys but I couldn’t put a finger on what it could possibly be.

“It’s okay, it’s nothing.” I smiled at Embry. He shook his head, disagreeing that his actions were dismissible but he gently smiled back at me before taking a swig from his mug.

We finished our coffees together on the floor, talking lightly between ourselves about anything other than Jacob. I hated that my own estranged best friend was an incredibly sore topic, it hurt. The air between Embry and I was a lot less playful than when we woke up that morning but just talking to him was enough to keep me sane, he kept my head above water.

Eventually it came time for me to leave, Embry’s mom was due home at any time. Embry told me he had to make a quick call, leaving me to go find my abandoned clothes from the messy floor of his bedroom. Part of me couldn’t wait to be home so I could shower last night’s grime off of me but a bigger part was dreading the deafening silence of loneliness, I had no idea how I’d cope by myself after everything with Jacob. I just wanted the high I felt that morning to return, not the numbness that was settling back into my bones.

After a long and treacherous search for my clothes, I joined Embry where he was waiting for me outside. My bare feet hurt against the gravel, reminding me of earlier events, but there was no way I was putting my killer heels back on. Embry was leaning against his car with a blinding smile on his face, excitement in his voice as he quickly finished up his phone call.

“What’s got you so excited?” I giggled, his smile infectious.

“Get in, loser.” he rolled his eyes, his grin not leaving as he opened up his car door and stepped inside. I copied his actions, getting into the car all the whilst glaring at him questioningly.

“Quit scowling!” Embry laughed, scrunching up his nose at me.

“Answer my question!” I scowled harder.

“You’re gonna get wrinkles.” he teased, reaching over and rubbing my forehead. I tried to duck away from his hand but he wasn’t deterred, he rubbed my forehead aggressively and laughed at the way my eyebrows raised up and down.

“Get off me you weirdo!” I squealed as I tried to hit his arm away, giggling when he started ruffling my hair instead. I knew he was trying to distract me from finding out why he was so happy but I didn’t understand why.

“You’re going to get your answer in about ten seconds.” Embry promised, halting his attack on me to start up the car engine. I smoothed over my hair and continued to scowl at him, he smirked as he watched me out of the corner of his twinkling eye.

I waited not so patiently to find out what Embry’s deal was, tapping my foot and sighing annoyingly loud when ten seconds had passed. Embry kept his eyes on the road, chuckling to himself at my behaviour. We were going down a familiar road until we turned all of a sudden, going down a small track.

“Embry?” I questioned.

“Will you be quiet?” he laughed, no real irritation in his voice. I couldn’t help but crack a smile as I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. Nothing made me smile like playful bickering with Embry… other than playful bickering with Jacob. I never thought I’d miss something so mundane.

We reached the end of the track and stopped outside of a house I didn’t recognise, but I did recognise the boy that jogged out of the front door. I realised I had never actually seen his home before.

“Hey guys!” Quil shouted as he clumsily heaved himself into the backseats of the car.

“Quil’s the surprise?” I laughed, turning my head to smile at Quil.

“What, am I not good enough?” he gasped, leaning forward to ruffle my hair just like Embry had a few minutes prior. I scowled at him fiercely, about to scold him when Embry piped up.

“We’re going to the beach!” Embry announced, grinning. He had planned a last minute trip to the beach. My heart melted at the fact that Embry was so giddy over his spontaneous idea, a day with my remaining boys was just what I needed and Embry had read my mind. As always.

“You didn’t have to keep that from me.” I giggled, excitement similar to Embry’s bubbling up in my chest.

“There’s a tiny bit more to it than just the beach but yes, you’re not going home just yet.” he smiled proudly to himself as he started the car back up.

Embry turned around to greet Quil, not having done so yet, but Quil cut him off before he could even say a word.

“Damn, (y/n), what have you done to him? See, I heard you went home together but I didn’t think you’d get up to anything that kinky.” Quil laughed, pointing at the bruises on Embry’s face.

Embry chuckled and shook his head as my mouth fell open, jaw slackening in shock at Quil’s audacity. The first of the many hilarious, _sarcasm_ , comments to be thrown my way, I was sure. I clambered over to Quil, half of my body squeezing through the gap between the front seats, to fight him. He laughed as I continuously reached out to hit his arm, that douchebag.

“The bruises weren’t me, you dickhead!” I giggled as Embry suddenly wrapped his arms tightly around me and tried to drag me by the waist back into my seat. Quil rolled his eyes with a cheeky grin and mumbled something to himself, trying to get a further reaction out of me. It worked. I tried to dive back over to him but Embry’s grip tightened around me, effectively forcing me to sit back down.

I crossed my arms and sat back down with a huff, only moments away from stomping my feet and throwing a tantrum at the both of them. Despite my annoyance, the never faulting smile stayed glued to my face. It ruined my angry facade and we all soon ended up in fits of laughter before Embry finally started driving away.

When we arrived at La Push beach the comforting feeling of being at home quickly swept me up and filled me to the brim with child-like joy. La Push beach would always and forever be my comfort spot. And of course, Embry knew that. As soon as the car stopped moving I threw myself out of it, letting the salty smell of the ocean fill my lungs. I opened my arms wide and welcomed the soft wind that blew at me despite the sun shining brightly over us. There was only one other car in the parking lot despite it being a sunny day, and oddly enough I recognised the car… there was no way Embry had invited-

“Eric? Angela?” I asked no one in particular, my eyebrows knitting together in confusion. My suspicions were confirmed when the noise of a car door opening rang through the parking lot.

“Hey!” Angela shouted over, stepping out of the not-so mystery vehicle. 

“Stop being so loud, some of us are still hungover.” Eric grumbled at her as I watched him step out of the driver’s side.

I squealed, a high pitched, excited, girly noise, and ran over to Angela at full speed. She joined in, running enthusiastically to meet me halfway. We crashed into each other, almost tackling each other to the ground as we giggled wildly. I couldn’t believe Angela was here, especially with Eric. There was something just so special about having those two here with Embry and Quil, my favourite people all mingling. Of course, Jacob not being here felt like a punch to the gut. He would have loved the clashing of our worlds.

No! I needed to stop letting everything remind me of Jacob, this wasn’t about him. It was about me.

“You’re here!” I grinned, still hugging Angela tightly and swaying from side to side together.

“I’m here!” she laughed back, clinging to me.

“How come?” I asked, reluctantly prying her off of me so I could look her in the eye.

“We met briefly at the party, we exchanged numbers when we realised who the other person was.” Embry spoke, shocking me as I didn’t realise he was now standing right behind me. He was sporting his proud grin once again.

“Yeah, apparently you and Jacob talk about me.” Angela raised an eyebrow accusingly however her eyes smiling behind her glasses showed that she was only messing around.

“And you talk about me too, according to Ang! Do you brag about how sexy and beautiful and gorgeous I am?” Embry smirked, earning a sharp elbow to the ribs from yours truly. Angela grimaced slightly at the nickname Embry had given her, making me chuckle.

“In your dreams.” I heard Quil call out from where he stood leaning on Embry’s car.

“God, they really are just clones of Jacob.” Angela whispered to me, not noticing the way I tensed up at the thought. I prayed that Quil and Embry would never treat me how Jacob had been treating me recently, surely they could never be so neglectful. Then again, I never in a million years would have expected it from Jake either.

“Embry said you needed a day with your friends, why is that?” Angela asked, her eyes softening. I was caught between simply shrugging her off and spilling every single detail of my pain out to her. If she knew about everything the likelihood of Jacob finding out would increase massively but truthfully, Angela deserved to know. That, and the fact that Embry shouldn't be the only one carrying the weight of my emotional baggage.

“I’ll tell you in a minute.” I half promised to her in a hushed voice, not having made up my mind by the time Eric and Quil both joined the small huddle we had formed.

“Come on then.” Quil joyfully shouted, suddenly running off ahead onto the sand.

“La Push, baby. It’s La Push.” Eric grinned as he threw an arm lazily around Angela’s shoulders. The look that Embry gave me at Eric’s words was pure horror, I couldn’t stop myself from bursting out into a fit of laughter as Embry’s eyes widened in disgust.

“ _These_ are your friends?” Embry spluttered out, hanging back slightly so no one heard him as Eric and Angela caught up with Quil. I scowled at him and gently hit his arm however my fit of laughter only increased and I could barely keep from doubling over, Embry watching me in amusement.

“Thank you for this.” I said through laboured breaths as I finally calmed down, my toes mingling with the sand as we made it to the beach.

“It’s nothing.” Embry grinned down at me.

“It’s not nothing, it’s thoughtful. You didn’t have to plan this just for me.” I pressed on.

“You’d do the same for me.” Embry shrugged with a lazy smile. I nodded and shrugged too, knowing he wasn’t wrong.

Despite being fully aware that I would do the same for him, I still felt bad that he had done so much for me since Bella had arrived in Forks. It was beginning to get harder and harder to not feel like a burden to my caring friends. Embry’s cheery mood kept me feeling positive, however, and I was determined to have a good day. The best I could without… you know.

“I love you guys so much.” I announced with a heartfelt sigh and a genuine smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! Midnight Sun is out, woo! Who's started reading it? I haven't had time yet but I'm so excited. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's a lot more lighthearted than the past couple. As always, feedback is more than welcome. Hope you're all okay, stay safe <3


	16. Wallow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week I'm going to be taking a week off! During that time though I'm going to go through some old chapters to edit and improve them slightly, no major changes don't worry. Just warning you so you're not surprised when there's no new chapter next week :) Anyway, enjoy this angst fest!

“So, were you just doing it to get even?” Angela pried as I threw small stones out into the sea, momentarily wishing I could be one of those stones floating to the bottom of the ocean to avoid the awkward conversation that had dragged on for well over an hour. Angela was very invested in the fact that Jacob had kissed Bella and I had slept with Embry.

“Sort of? But not really. I’ve explained this.” I sighed, wishing Embry would leave Quil and his new buddy Eric to come and save me. Funny how I found myself starting to rely far too much on Embry.

“I just don’t understand. I can't believe I didn’t realise you’re in love with Jacob, looking back it just seems so obvious.” Angela whined, annoyed at herself. I reached over to pat her shoulder reassuringly, smiling at the way she huffed in frustration.

Having to tell Angela about Jacob was hard. Scratch that, I didn’t have to do anything, I chose to do it. It just felt like everything to do with Jacob was painful and forced like simply thinking or speaking about him was a gruelling task. It hurt and I just wanted to forget it all but at the same time I scolded myself for ever wishing to forget the best person in my life, no matter how neglectful and out of character his current actions were. Oh, Jacob.

Angela took the news surprisingly well on my behalf, not scolding me for not telling her sooner. Strangely, she beat herself up about it for not noticing. I did pride myself on how inconspicuous I was, even if it was so inconspicuous that Jacob himself didn’t realise what was right in front of him. I understood why Angela was upset, I suppose, Jacob, Bella and I were some of her closest friends so she must have thought it would have been hard for her to miss. She didn’t realise I had years upon years of practice, it had simply just gotten worse recently.

“Jacob doesn’t realise either and he’s my best friend, don’t be too sad.” I laughed drily, the conversation sucking up all my positive energy.

“(Y/N)!” I heard Embry shout from behind where me and Angela sat beside the sea. I thanked the lord above for granting my prayers, Embry had interrupted at the perfect time.

“Yeah?” I called back, looking over my shoulder at the gaggle of boys all huddled around the fire. It sure had got dark fast.

“I’m leaving soon, you want a ride home?” he shouted once again, both of us too lazy to move closer to the other.

I nodded at him and he smiled back, waving me over with his hand. I stood up with a sigh and Angela followed suit, not wanting to be left sat alone staring out into the quickly blackening ocean.

“Angela you can't tell anyone, not even Eric and especially not Bella.” I said sternly as I brushed the sand off of my legs.

“I won’t.” she gently smiled.

“And please for the love of god, do not tell Jacob.” I pleaded, grabbing her by her shoulders and shaking her.

“I won’t! I won’t.” she repeated, giggling as she swayed back and forth under my force.

I pulled her into a tight hug then, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and embracing her tiny body. She hugged me back almost immediately, wrapping her arms around my waist. The comfort felt nice.

“You’re not alone, okay? I love you.” Angela whispered into my ear, squeezing me particularly hard as she spoke.

“I love you too.” I whispered back. I couldn’t wholeheartedly agree that I wasn’t alone because no matter what reassuring words my friends threw my way, none of them understood how much I was crumbling. How much I lacked an identity with my literal soulmate missing.

I missed days in bed with Jacob, I missed wasting time with him, I missed joking around and wrestling instead of doing homework, I missed Billy greeting me like his own child, I missed the way Jacob would hug me so tight it felt like he was the only thing holding me together, I missed the way he needed me in his life. I missed the way his hands would hold mine, grazing his thumb against my knuckles lovingly, or even just playing with my fingers mindlessly as he spoke. I missed the way he would miss me after too many hours apart, I missed the way he’d always make sure I was warm enough by giving me his sweaters, I missed the way he filled up the loneliness in my life. He was the only one capable of it, it seemed.

Despite all that… I’d try and get through this. I had to. I shouldn’t really rely on one single person to keep me together, it was simply unfair and impossible. I had always thought that Jacob relied on me just as much, but if he could move on like I never existed then what was stopping me? Other than the crippling love I still felt for him...

Angela and I eventually parted, stalking back over to the boys and after our drawn out goodbyes, Embry happily drove me home. Embry stayed silent the whole ride, very out of character for him, and when we reached my house he surprisingly climbed out of the car with me. He was so clearly unwilling to leave me on my own, pulling me in for a tight hug at my front door and placing a loving kiss to my forehead. I didn’t know why he was so apprehensive to leave me by myself but it made something deep inside of me shatter.

I almost burst into tears as he wrapped his arms around me, shocking myself with my own emotions. I wasn’t sure where they were coming from. He didn’t let me go for a long time, letting me sniffle back tears against the hoodie he had stolen from Quil earlier on in the day. As he pulled me closer, I physically felt Embry growing angry against my body, his muscles tensing and his teeth grinding together at each sniff I let out. I somehow knew that he was blaming Jacob for my sadness and I couldn’t fault him for that. He was angry at Jacob and I guess I should have been too, yet I couldn't find it in me.

I warned him not to do anything stupid as he finally reluctantly pulled away, he laughed at me and ruffled my hair playfully despite the obvious fire blazing behind his features. He shuffled away from me back down my drive, looking down at his feet with his hands shoved in his pockets. When he reached his car, he slammed the door as he entered it and I watched him mutter to himself with a fierce scowl as he started up the engine.

Something felt particularly weird about his behaviour, it felt off, but I didn’t say anything. Instead, I stood there silently with a deep, questioning scowl outside of my house. I didn’t know that was the last time I would see Embry.

My night was very mundane, I distracted myself from thinking about the man I loved and painfully missed until tiredness overtook me and I practically passed out onto my bed. Thankfully, I was so tired after my day of fretting that I avoided my newly picked up routine of crying myself to sleep.

I woke up startled in the middle of the night with a sense of dread filling my body for unknown reasons. My body knew there was something wrong before my mind had even woken up properly. I didn't even know what time it was. I felt like I was about to throw up as I rolled over to check my phone, my stomach filling with the toxicity of anticipation. My whole body went cold and my hands went numb. I felt like I was about to faint.

_‘(Y/N) we can’t see eachother anymore. I’m so sorry. I wish I could explain myself, more than anything in the world. I wouldn’t do this if I had a choice. I love you, please believe that. I’m sorry.’_ a text from Embry read, sent 3 minutes ago.

And just like that, everything stopped.

I stared at the screen blankly, trying to take in the unimaginable. I stared at my phone for an obscenely long amount of time, not processing anything, the soft glow of twilight filling up my room as the sun gradually reappeared in the sky. Ironic how my life felt like it was quickly descending into darkness.

I briefly snapped out of my stupor to react in the only way I knew how to, desperately clinging to those who chose to leave me. I called Embry over and over again, despite repeatedly being sent to voicemail. I must have spent over an hour trying hopelessly to reach Embry, my breathing gradually growing sharper and sharper and my vision growing shaky and blurry as tears began slowly streaming down my face. I felt numb, number than ever before.

How could I recover from something like this?

Embry… of all people.

I was thrown off course from my repetitive, obsessive calling of Embry when I received a call myself. My heart skipped a beat at first as I believed that Embry had called me back, however it was just Quil. Quil. A friend who I needed right now.

I answered the call quickly, my fingers reacting faster than my brain could process my actions. I tried to speak, tell him anything and everything, however nothing came out. My throat burned as I sucked in a deep breath through my teeth, my eyes beginning to sting with the amount of tears it was producing.

“(Y/N)?” Quil asked through the phone, his voice coming across a lot softer than usual. Nothing felt real, I must have still been dreaming. Reality could never be this cruel, I was sure of it.

I tried to speak again but a sob left my lips as soon as I opened them, which turned into a string of sobs as I tried desperately to suck in oxygen as my body shook with tears.

“He texted you too then, huh?” Quil chuckled lightly, not a single drop of humour in his tone. He sounded pained, unsure of himself, scared.

I nodded despite knowing that Quil wouldn’t see me, it was more for myself than for him anyway. I was admitting it to myself, breaking through the numbness to reveal unbelievable amounts of heartbreak. I couldn’t breathe as I felt my heart completely crumble. I thought I could trust Embry. He was the one person that understood exactly what I was going through… at least I thought he did. How could he do this to me? To Quil too, his best friend?

I was losing everyone, and losing myself in the process.

“(Y/N) I’m coming round, okay? I’ll let myself in. I’ll be a few minutes, alright? Stay safe.” Quil spoke at me before hanging up, obviously rushing to come attempt to piece me back together. I could barely hear myself think over the sound of my own gut wrenching sobs, my hands shaking as I hugged my knees to my chest and shook uncontrollably.

First Jacob, now Embry. With no explanation. Was I seriously that horrible of a person that everyone was getting tired of me? Surely not… no…

There was no one else to blame. I let myself wallow in the pain.

I must have been mindlessly crying for a very long time because it only seemed like seconds before I heard Quil enter the front door to my house. I heard his heavy footsteps running up my stairs before he burst through my bedroom door, my mind too full of chaos to jump at the suddenness of his entrance. I was laying on my side, soaking my pillow with salty tears, facing away from the door where Quil stood looking over me.

I felt the bed dip beside me, my sobs only growing heavier as Quil wrapped his arms tightly around me. I didn’t know what to say to him, how to thank him for being there for me, how to acknowledge his existence. We remained silent for the long hours that followed, the only noise being my screams of pain and sharp cries. I squeezed my eyes closed, wishing the tears would stop, but they continued to slip through the cracks. Just like how everyone in my life was just slipping through my fingers.

I kept my eyes tightly shut as I rolled around to bury my face into Quil’s chest, feeling his jerky breaths against my forehead as I listened to his erratic heartbeat. He was doing a good job at keeping himself together. Maybe I was dramatic. Maybe he was just putting on a brave face for me. I was usually the friend that would put on the brave face, masking my emotions to put my friends’ feelings first. Recently, I had failed at that. Everyone had noticed the cracks in my charade, and here I was bawling into Quil’s chest, clinging to the fabric of his sweater like it would save me from drowning or stop me from falling.

Everything was spilling out of me at once, every repressed emotion over the steady loss of Jacob and every ounce of betrayal I felt from Embry. I felt sorry for Quil watching me shatter like this, I was inconsolable.

We didn’t sleep that night, neither of us found it possible. My mind was a hive of activity, no one thought clear. I may not have fallen asleep but at one point I was sure my body had shut down, my shaking and crying stopped and my breathing calmed down. I was numb to the world, focusing all my attention on the erraticism of my brain. I let myself melt into my surroundings, wishing everything would just go away. I just wanted the pain to end yet it seemed endless.

That had to have been the worst night of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek I'm really sorry to be leaving you on such an angsty note! I'm sure you can work out canonically what's happening... yes it's that time. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and, as always, feedback is amazing to hear!! <3 Stay safe everyone and thank you for supporting my work, you're all so amazing and your comments always help a lot :)


	17. Care

I don’t know why he made me do it, but Quil forced me to go into school the morning after the Embry bombshell. I didn’t have the energy to do anything, nevermind to argue with Quil, so I sat there silent and obedient and let him look after me like I was a child. He gently brushed my hair, picked some comfy clothes out for me to wear and even offered to drive me to school. I knew the secret reason he offered to take me was more for surveillance than anything, he wanted to make sure I would actually go. 

I felt entirely numb to the world, everything processing in my brain as a slow motion blur. I must have looked like a brain dead zombie, completely oblivious to the world around me. Quil was understanding but he clearly wasn’t as used to my breakdowns as Embry was, so he didn’t really know what to do with me. I didn’t even know what to do with me. I went through the motions of the morning without fully processing any of it, moving robotically through the routine Quil was setting for me.

On the quiet drive to school Quil attempted to turn the radio on in his car but I immediately reached over to switch it off again, almost like a reflex action. I felt rather rude but Quil was understanding, smiling at me gently - almost apprehensively, scared that the slightest movement would break fragile little me - as I stared blankly out of the window. I wanted to be left alone in silence, I wanted the world around me to feel just as numb as the inside of my head. Anything else would simply be too overwhelming. Plus, singing along to the radio reminded me far too much of Embry… and I just couldn’t go there right now, not if I had to make it through a full day at school.

“I’ll be here at the end of the day. Call me if you need me, okay?” Quil fussed once we were parked up outside the gates to hell. He turned his whole body around to face me but I couldn't look directly at him, it already felt like there was a rock in my throat. I nodded sheepishly and he seemed to be satisfied with that, leaning back slightly in his chair as if he was relieved.

I opened up the car door, the chilly air of the outside world ticking my skin and making me feel something for the first time that day, even if it was just the cold. It was refreshing and it made me want to smile even if my face wouldn’t move to accommodate the feeling, my brain too foggy to let me show emotion.

“Love you, (y/n).” Quil shouted across to me as I clambered out of the car. I wanted to smile again, the reassurance that at least Quil was still there for me warmed my icy heart, but my facial muscles continued to resist.

“Love you too, Quil.” I choked out, my voice coming out scratching and sharp due to its lack of use, before I shut the car door and mentally prepared myself to face the day alone. Every day just seemed to be getting worse and worse.

I only managed to make it a few steps away from Quil’s car when I heard someone call my name from somewhere behind me. I tried to ignore it but my heart tugged at the all too familiar voice.

“Hey (y/n), wait up!” Jacob shouted. I didn’t turn around to look at him, didn’t stop my feet from continuing their path towards the school, but Jacob quickly managed to catch up with me. I felt his presence beside me without even risking a glance up at him. Of course he would pick today of all days to speak to me when he’d been happily not doing so for far too long now.

“Holy shit, you look awful.” Jacob chuckled as he tried keeping up with my pace, almost jogging alongside me. His overly familiar teasing suddenly felt wrong to me, I grimaced to myself at his words.

I could've been mad at him, I should have been, but I was too exhausted both emotionally and physically to give what little energy I had left to Jacob.

“Come on, I need to talk to you.” Jacob whined when I continued to refuse to even look up at him.

“What do you want, Jacob?” I sighed, giving in half heartedly. The unspoken hostility between us was soul destroying but I tried not to focus on it, I simply couldn’t, not right now.

“I uh… I didn’t make out with Bella by the way.” he spat out rather awkwardly, his words melding together. Despite that, I caught every syllable.

My feet stopped moving and Jacob copied my actions, both of us halting in the centre of the parking lot.

“What?” I asked, scowling harshly as I finally looked up at Jacob in confusion. I tried so hard to not let myself get lost in his deep eyes.

“At the party, me and Bella. We didn’t…” he trailed off, looking down at his hands awkwardly.

“I saw you, Jacob.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes and shaking my head in disbelief. Did he think I was stupid all of a sudden?

“What you saw was me misreading the signals and kissing her before being shoved off and lectured for the next 15 minutes.” Jacob chuckled to himself, still staring down at his fidgeting hands.

“Oh.” I deadpanned. So… he had kissed Bella but she didn’t kiss him back. Should I be glad? I couldn’t deny that a small smile made its way onto my face despite my attempts to smother it. “I’m sorry about that.” I continued, not really knowing what to say.

“You’re sorry?” Jacob scowled at me, looking slightly irritated by my reply. His irritation only added to my own.

“Yeah, I guess? Why, Jacob, what do you want me to say?” I hissed, folding my arms over my chest. I watched him cower slightly at my reaction, visibly shutting down.

“I… I don’t know.” he murmured but my annoyance only grew.

“You don’t seem to know a lot recently.” I laughed coldly, referring to the way he never seemed to have an explanation for his out of character behaviour.

“I know.” he sighed, looking back up into my eyes with a pained look. “I know. I can't explain it, it’s like there's something going on with me and I can’t figure out what it is.”

“Well, let me know if you figure it out.” I replied harshly before turning away from him, ready to continue my walk towards school. I was shocked I even managed to turn my back to Jacob, my heart still annoyingly tugged for me to go back for him. I could tell we were making a scene in the centre of the busy parking lot, steam was practically spilling out of my ears. I was lashing out at Jacob, I knew I was, but to some degree he deserved it. 

“I will…” I heard Jacob murmur from behind me before he abruptly reached out and grabbed onto my arm, halting my retreat.

His sudden touch sent pure electricity through my veins, my body still reacting in the same way it always had when Jacob would touch me. It was a wrecking ball of a reminder of how truly and passionately I was in love with him. I had to bite my lip hard and squeeze my eyes so tightly that I felt dizzy to try to contain the sudden onslaught of tears that threatened to spill. Why couldn’t he have just loved me back? None of this would be happening if I was prettier than Bella, or more interesting, or whatever Jacob saw in her. We’d still be the same famous duo that we were before Bella showed up, we could have been happy. Now I was the most miserable I had ever been in my whole entire life. I just wanted my Jakey back. I let out a shaky breath before I opened my eyes back up and gave Jacob a questioning look. It may have been my mind playing tricks but Jacob’s eyes seemed to hold just as much emotion as mine did.

Jacob cleared his throat before speaking again, “So, is Embry okay?” he asked.

He didn’t know it, but he had just touched a sore spot. More like punched it at full force. I felt winded by the sheer amount of sorrow that filled my whole body. I had almost managed to forget about Embry unceremoniously abandoning me, Jacob managing to distract me (whether that was a good or bad thing was up for debate). But now any positive feelings I had just remembered towards Jacob were swiped away and the irritation and bitterness came back in full swing.

A new theory popped to the front of my brain in my moment of anger, what if Embry didn’t want to be friends with me anymore because of Jacob? What if he couldn’t risk seeing him? Maybe the fight affected him more than I realised. My mind was reeling.

“I don’t know, he’s not speaking to me anymore.” I seethed, ripping my arm back from Jake’s grip. He looked taken aback but not offended by my actions which was good, I suppose, as I felt slightly guilty for my outburst… it was only Jacob after all.

“What? Since when?” he practically growled, his brows furrowing. He looked concerned, who for I wasn't entirely sure.

“Since last night when he told me and Quil that we can’t be friends with him anymore.” I failed to mention that I was almost certain now that it had something to do with him.

I realised bitterly that I wasn’t feeling as numb as I did that morning anymore, thanks to Jacob. I guess anger was as good an emotion as any.

“Why…” Jacob whispered to himself but I couldn’t help but reply. I completely lost it.

“I don’t fucking know, Jacob. Why should I know? Everyone seems to be leaving me with no given reason. Guess they just don't love me as much as they once made me believe. It’s all fucking bullshit. I can’t do this. Am I seriously that horrible of a person that my closest friends can’t bare to even look at me anymore? Fuck!” I shouted, clenching my fists so tightly that my knuckles went white. Tears had finally started making their way down my cheeks and a sob wracked my chest when I finished my rant. Eyes were definitely on us now.

A knowing look crossed Jacob’s face, he must have realised my words were particularly targeted. At least maybe he understood now. He stood there in front of me, shocked and speechless. I didn’t spend long waiting for a reaction from him, I ran straight towards the front door of the school. I heard some people shouting my name as I ran past them down the corridors but I ignored them, running straight to the girls’ bathrooms to escape everyone’s concerned eyes. I didn’t want to make yet another scene.

I barged into the bathrooms and ran straight into an empty stall, locking it with shaky hands. As soon as I was securely alone I began letting out sobs so hard they felt like earthquakes as my back slid down the door, eventually slumping onto the ground in a heap. I had no time to be concerned about the hygiene of the floor as I let myself bawl so hard my throat felt raw.

I hugged my knees to my chest and buried my face into my arms as the tears refused to stop. I felt so useless, so out of control. I was sick of Jacob making me feel this way, he was so infuriatingly oblivious to the damage he was constantly causing me. I was starting to hate that I loved him. I once again found myself craving independence, to free myself from Jacob’s hold on me.

“Hey.” I heard a small voice greet from outside my stall, snapping me out of my thoughts. It took me a while to process it but I soon realised that it was Angela, and she was sitting at the other side of the cubicle door.

I opened my mouth to reply but only a pathetic whimpering noise came from my lips. My sobs had calmed down but my breathing was still ragged and my flushed cheeks stayed damp. I let my head fall back onto the door behind me, colliding with it with a thud and letting the slight pain momentarily ground me.

“Jacob asked me to come find you… what’s happened?” she asked softly. I cringed at her words, wincing at the image of Jacob pretending to care. He couldn’t care, really. Not when he hadn’t cared up until now.

I let out a shaky breath and cleared my throat, willing words to come out of my mouth. “Can you call Quil for me? I want to go home.” I sighed, my heart growing heavy. My chest felt like it was being crushed.

“Of course.” Angela responded in the most genuine voice I had ever heard. In that moment I finally felt relieved to have told Angela about the Jacob sized hole in my heart, I was glad she knew what I was going through. Saying that, no one could possibly understand the magnitude of the pain I felt.

I slid my phone under the crack in the door to Angela and I heard the sound of her unlocking it and finding Quil’s contact. It rang for less than three seconds before Quil picked up.

“Hey Quil, it’s Angela... from the beach. Yeah, she gave me her phone. Listen, you’re going to have to come pick her up. I don’t know what’s wrong but I saw her talking to Jacob. Okay, I’ll let her know. I’ll text you my number so you can tell me when you’re here, I’ll stay with her until you are. See you soon, bye.” Angela spoke gently to Quil, I heard his panicked muffles through the phone’s speaker.

I smiled at how much they both cared about me but I couldn’t help but feel bad for doing this to them. This is exactly what I put Embry through and look where that got me. Almost as if she could sense that I was upsetting myself again, Angela reached through the gap in the door and took my hand. She intertwined our fingers and squeezed my hand reassuringly. I relaxed ever so slightly under her comforting touch. We sat there like that for a while, either side of the bathroom stall, and I wouldn’t have minded staying like that all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thank you for being kind about my week break, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know I say it a lot but every single comment I receive puts a smile on my face, they're my favourite things to read. I love reading how the chapter made you feel or what your favourite parts were or what you think may happen next, I really appreciate the reassurance that you enjoy my writing. The thing that shocks me the most is when people say they wait around for the next chapter and always check to see if there's an update, it honestly blows my mind that people enjoy this so much haha <3


	18. Even More Determined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm moving out next week for university so I'm going to have to take some more time off. It should only be one week however if it ends up being two weeks please don't be shocked or concerned! Thank you for being understanding and patient <3  
> Also thank you so much for over 5000 hits that’s so many readers ahh!!

“(Y/N), you are not going to this party.” Quil sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose tightly with two fingers as he paced around my kitchen. I sat at the kitchen table watching him travel back and forth, the rhythmic patting of his bare feet slowly driving me insane.

“Who are you, my dad? What happened to you forcing me to go to the last one?” I quipped back, getting slightly frustrated. He was the one who so desperately wanted me to attend Jacob’s party, I couldn’t see why it was suddenly such a problem.

“Exactly! What happened to you putting up a fight?” he exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air.

“Ugh!” I groaned, crossing my arms on top of the table and burying my face into them.

“Ugh!” Quil agreed, his voice considerably more angry than my own.

I had been invited over text to a party after school by some boy in my Biology class who I hardly recognised. Despite that, I happily accepted the invitation. I excitedly told Quil, expecting that he would be more than happy to tag along, however he decided to step up and be the responsible one, for a change. A small part of me understood why he was worried about me going but I didn’t understand why he thought it was a particularly bad idea. Letting loose would be good for me, surely? But Quil wasn’t having it.

“Is this about Jacob?” he pried, his mind still on the way Jacob had made me cry the day before. Thankfully, he still wasn’t aware of the magnitude of how much hurt Jacob had caused me for months now.

“I don’t care about Jacob.” I lied, determined to convince Quil to join me at this party. I didn’t manage to hide the way I flinched at Jacob’s name. I wish I didn’t care about Jacob, but maybe I had to fake it until I made it.

“You keep telling yourself that.” Quil chuckled, shaking his head disapprovingly and taking a sip of coffee from his mug. He had slept over at my house for the second night in a row because he was worried about me, which led to our current early morning bicker.

“I will, thank you very much.” I scowled, lifting my head back up to show Quil my irritation. He chuckled again before walking straight past me, leaving me alone in the kitchen.

I knew the real reason I wanted to go to that party, but Quil would be even more concerned about me if I admitted it out loud. I was chasing that delicious, addictive high I felt the morning I had woke up in Embry’s bed. If that meant getting drunk at another random party then so be it. Was I after sex or the fake happiness that alcohol brought along? I wasn’t sure. But either way, this was the only way I could currently think of starting my independent lifestyle away from Jacob. There were definitely better and more responsible ways to go about it, but I was desperate to get over the constant hurt that plagued my life. I wasn’t going to let an opportunity like this slip through my grasp.

I sighed and stood up from the kitchen table to go on a hunt for Quil. I didn’t want him to be in a mood with me, I couldn’t have more people I loved hating me, but I just _had_ to go to this party- for my own sanity more than anything. Quil was lazily sprawled across the couch in my living room, the amused smirk on his face told me that he was anticipating another argument.

“Quil, I’m sorry-” I started.

“It’s a Tuesday, who has a party on a Tuesday?” he laughed, closing his eyes and relaxing his body into the cushions like he was preparing to fall back asleep.

“Maybe it’s a birthday.” I shrugged, making my way over to where he was laying. I crouched down near his face and lent my chin on my folded arms which I rested on the slither of couch that wasn’t being taken up by Quil’s body.

“I’ll go-” he began before I cut him off this time, squealing excitedly which made Quil laugh and open his eyes back up. “I’ll go _if_ you make it the whole day through school without ditching.”.

I groaned at his bargain, burying my face into my arms just like I had at the kitchen table. I hated that Quil was the one taking up the responsible role, that was Embry’s job. The thought of Embry made me wince but further reminded me of how determined I was to get completely wasted at this particular party.

“Fine. Deal.” I sighed, holding my hand out for Quil to shake. He shook his head with a smile but took my hand in his own, shaking it in a binding contract.

I spent the whole drive to school begging and pleading with Quil to go to school himself. I felt bad that he had already missed some school due to me, it was only fair that if I had to go, so did he. 

“How am I supposed to be sure that you won’t need me to pick you up again? I can’t just run out of Algebra.” Quil chuckled, ignoring the glare I was shooting his way. At least I was feeling more expressive today, the party was already positively affecting the numbness of my brain.

“I don’t think you understand how determined I am to go to this party.” I scoffed, offended that he would doubt me. I’m not one to turn down a challenge.

“Sure, sure.” he rolled his eyes, still focused on the road.

In the end he begrudgingly agreed to go to school when he grew tired of my whining. I smiled when he finally gave in, happy that I wouldn’t be burdening his life more than I already was. School was important and I didn’t want him missing it because of me and my depressive spiral. Spiral was a perfect way to describe it, it was a tornado that sucked people into my drama and spat them back out as far away from me as possible.

I waved Quil goodbye with a smile as he drove away out of the parking lot, leaving me alone to retry a successful day at Forks High. I repeated over and over in my head that attempt number two would go much more smoothly. I could do this, I was sure. That was until I was struck with a painfully familiar sense of deja vu.

“(Y/N), wait up!” none other than Jacob Black shouted at me from across the parking lot. 

I almost screamed out loud in frustration at how determined he was to ruin my days. I was trying to stay positive yet here Jacob was, reminding me of everything bad in my life. I ignored the way I wanted to run into his arms and I tried to forget about the way just the sound of his voice made me want to burst out into tears.

I carried on walking, my pace picking up as I was adamant on at least making it through the front doors before my day was flipped upside down. I would not let this be a repeat of yesterday. I could do this.

“(Y/N), we need to talk.” I heard Jacob pant as he ran closer and closer to me.

“Jacob, not now.” I replied, trying to stop my voice from wavering.

“But we-” he tried to continue.

“Are you deaf? Leave me alone.” I sighed, shaking my head and keeping my eyes fixed on the door which grew nearer and nearer. If Jacob spoke again I was seriously debating punching his pretty face right in the middle of the parking lot.

“What-”

“Fuck off, Jacob!” I shouted a bit too loud, stopping briefly to turn around. I had drawn attention to myself but I couldn't find it within me to care. I paused to look at Jacob for less than a second, watching the way his face dropped, before I carried on and made it to the stairs that led to the door. I didn’t look back after that. His wounded puppy dog face always managed to pull at my heart strings.

Jacob had been right about one thing, Embry and I were indeed the talk of the town. As soon as I entered through the school doors, it was all I heard. I was shocked that I hadn’t noticed the day before, but I suppose I was preoccupied. I tried to tune it out and surprisingly, I managed. Anything was gossip in this small little town so I didn’t take it to heart. It still stung to be reminded of better times, it felt like it happened years ago. I couldn’t let myself linger on that thought, I had a deal with Quil to uphold.

I spent all of first period in a paradox of feeling proud of myself, smug that I was actually able to stand up to Jacob for once and not let his own confused feelings get in my way and feeling incredibly guilty to have not spent the time to hear him out. What if he had wanted to tell me something important? I guess he should have thought about that before replacing me with Bella and toying with my feelings. Feelings he wasn’t entirely aware existed…

I was so focused on the war in my mind that I only zoned back into reality when the bell rang for second period. I collected my things off of my desk in a rush and was greeted by an anxious looking Angela standing by the door, waiting for me.

“Oh thank god, you’re here.” she sighed in relief, making me laugh as she hooked her arm around me and dragged me to our next class.

“Why, has something happened?” I asked, unsure of why she was so relieved.

Her face filled with confusion and her brows furrowed as if it was ridiculous that I didn’t already know the answer to my own question. “I was worried about you.” she said softly, squeezing my arm in reassurance.

Oh, that made sense. I guess at this point I was beginning to forget what it felt like to be cared about. No one seemed to pay as much attention to me as Angela, with Embry and Jacob both relatively out of the picture now. I smiled gratefully at her and she smiled right back, her nose scrunching in a way that moved her glasses.

During second period I was distracted again, but this time I was on edge waiting for Angela to attack me with an onslaught of questions about yesterday. Just the thought of explaining Embry’s text made my throat go dry and my chest tighten up. I began thinking that maybe I should have avoided Angela in a similar way to how I avoided Jacob that morning, in a less violent way but for similar reasons. They were both the biggest ticking time bombs for another meltdown.

Thankfully, the questions never came. I should have known really, Angela wasn’t a nosy person. She was caring, she had a pure heart. She said she had spoke to Jacob the day before, she had probably worked out that too many questions would have set me off again. There were very few people as genuine as Angela in this world and I was ever grateful to have her in my life. She spoke mindlessly to me whenever our teacher wasn’t paying attention, letting me be the listener instead of the speaker.

“-so they invited me to the theater with them tonight but I don’t think I’m going to go.” Angela rambled on, I only managed to catch the end of her rant.

“Who invited you, sorry?” I asked, doodling stars at the bottom of my page out of boredom.

I felt Angela tense beside me and I looked up with a scowl, wondering if the teacher had caught us talking. The teacher wasn’t paying attention. Angela, however, was very alert and anxious.

“Oh, um, no one.” she laughed nervously, her face going bright red as she avoided my inquisitive eyes.

“Angela, who?” I pressed on, scowling harder at the way she was bizarrely dodging my question.

“Just Mike. And… Jacob. And Bella, it was her idea.” she cringed, her voice getting gradually quieter as she spoke.

“Jacob and Bella?” I almost screeched, earning a glare from the teacher and a hush from the teacher’s pet right at the front.

But what about what happened at Jacob’s party? Bella flat out rejected Jacob and yet here she was making him follow her around like a lost little puppy with ridiculously big heart eyes. She was so obviously using him, stringing him along for her own pleasure. His feelings were massively obvious by now, much to my despair, so it’s not like she could act oblivious. At least Mike Newton was going, I suppose, but even his feelings were outright declared. It’s like Bella was trying to see just how many boys she could wrap around her little finger. I found myself thinking about Jessica and her crush on Mike, finding myself relating to the poor girl. Mike and Jacob were just as oblivious and stupid as each other. Bella certainly didn’t help.

At least Jessica wasn’t in love with her best friend. At least her best friend was _still_ her best friend. Jacob wasn’t even a friend anymore, he was a total stranger and he had done that to himself. He had only decided I was worthy enough of being spoken to again within the past two days.

“Sorry.” Angela whispered, pulling me back to reality.

“Don’t be sorry.” I breathed out, releasing a breath I wasn’t aware I had been holding. I unclenched my fists, also unaware that I had been digging my fingernails into my palm. “I’m going to a party tonight.” I smirked, suddenly more determined than ever before.

“Oh, good!” Angela smiled, glad that I wasn’t angry at her. I couldn’t be angry at her, she was a literal angel. Jacob and Bella, however? Day by day I was reaching new levels of anger and frustration. Why was Jacob just so painfully dense? I guess that wasn’t my problem anymore. I tried to tell myself that, anyway.

“For once, I don’t think Quil is going to be too happy to hear that I didn’t have a breakdown.” I laughed to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Jacob and Bella going to the theatre together, huh? Wow wonder what's about to happen... Anyway, feedback is always welcome as you know!! I promise it's about to get much more juicy. I've also been working on a smutty chapter of the night (y/n) spent with Embry so that may be ready after my break!! Stay safe <3


	19. Told You So

I was standing in the centre of a vast and ominous forest, something about it feeling oddly familiar but yet again it was just an ocean of unremarkable tree after tree for miles. I would describe it as being surrounded by greenery but the layer of fog smothering the air was so heavy that everything dulled to a strange shade of grey. It blanketed the world around me, adding an extra layer of mystery and secrecy to the already strange atmosphere. I didn’t question my surroundings, it felt natural to be standing there, yet I was puzzled by the sheer density of fog and how it rolled across the mossy ground in waves and swallowed up the sky. Everything was fog, yet the faint shadows of the trees gave me a strange sense of comfort.

My heart was pounding, I knew that, yet it felt distant almost as if I had my ear to someone else’s chest. The faint, far off drumming of my own heart grew stronger, like my heart was about to explode out of my chest from somewhere across the forest. It grew louder and louder, echoing around me, until it became the unmistakable rhythmic sound of something large galloping through the forest. My heart beat transformed into large, thumping noises of heavy feet darting through the sticks and mud. It definitely didn’t sound human, it sounded more like a charging elephant gradually edging nearer towards me. The trees began rustling, almost swaying, as the creature grew closer. I expected my fight or flight response to eventually kick in, more likely to be flight, but I stood waiting for an internal reaction that never came. I was content to stay glued in the same spot as an unknown beast rapidly inched towards me. I wasn’t particularly fazed or bothered, if anything, I was duly intrigued. 

It was then when I was analysing my calmness that a blur of dark brown fur flashed past me, it’s speed causing my hair to pick up with the wind as the whooshing noise swirled round my ears. My feet picked up without my permission, I was suddenly darting at full speed chasing after the mysterious creature. It felt like my body was still stationary however the whirling green trees in my peripheral vision stated otherwise, and the fog below me was being disturbed by my apparently running feet. I could tell as I followed the large… thing that it was travelling on all fours, yet from a distance it looked like a bear. But was it a bear? That didn’t feel right. My intrigue picked up at the same time my speed did, and soon I was impossibly running at the same speed as the beast.

I had almost caught up to the creature, almost able to distinguish it’s true form through the fog when my feet gained their own consciousness once more and suddenly came to an abrupt stop. Once again, I was stationary in the middle of this strange forest. The creature was nowhere to be seen, however it was now replaced by… Jacob. My heart strained as I squinted through the fog to look over at him but he didn’t seem to notice my presence in return. He looked confused and scared, like he didn’t know how he had ended up here. He wasn’t as strangely calm and accepting as I had been. His head whipped round, his panicked eyes scanning the tree tops as if he was looking for answers from the sky.

“Jacob!” I shouted, however it bounced around the forest like it was a far away echo, not from my own mouth.

Jacob paused his panicking once he heard my voice, his body visibly calming ever so slightly. It was the way his shoulder muscles relaxed and he exhaled a soft breath. He soon began fretting again, beginning to shout out for me.

“(Y/N)! Where are you?” he shouted into the open air, his voice much clearer than my own and actually emanating from his own mouth. I opened my mouth to shout back reassurance but not a single sound came out. I strained as I tried again and again but no noise fell from my lips. I began feeling a bit desperate, more worried about Jacob being scared than I had been about a giant beast charging at me.

“(Y/N), I’m scared. What’s happening to me?” he called out, his voice cracking slightly out of anguish. He looked much more panicked than before I had spoke out as he scanned the fog for me, and I wished more than anything that I could comfort him. The fear, the sadness, the panic in his eyes made me fall to my knees and scream a silent scream of frustration.

“I need you.” Jacob whimpered, his voice no longer a shout but a hopeless whisper. Even from a distance I caught the way his eyes sparkled with unshed tears, his face showing his unmasked hurt. I wanted to stroke his hair and hold him close, hush him, tell him that everything would be okay and comfort the broken look away from his face. His hurt was painful to me, awakening the care I had buried for Jacob. I had forgotten just how forceful and excruciating it was to love Jacob Black.

I was just about to try scream again, force at least something to come from my vocal chords, when I jolted awake. I bolted up into a sitting position in a dark room, sweat beading on my forehead as I scanned my surroundings, just like how Jacob had in my… dream. It was just a dream. I let out a sigh of relief and felt my heart rate calm slightly, I almost laughed at how worked up I was. It took a few more moments for my panting breath to even out and for reality to truly set in, but when it eventually did it came in the form of a pounding headache and a nauseous feeling in my stomach.

I had woke up in a stranger's bed, unbelievably hungover. I looked to the left of me, cringing slightly as I looked over my shoulder. I prayed over and over in my head that I was alone but alas, a boy with sandy blonde hair and pale skin who I didn’t recognise was laid undisturbed beside me. I cursed myself under my breath as I took in the way the bed sheets barely covered his naked body. That’s when I realised I was similarly naked, the bed sheets I had clung onto in my panic covering the front of my hunched over body.

I remembered the party, I remembered drinking way more than Quil advised, I remembered losing Quil, I blurrily remembered meeting this boy and then my memories faded out into a black smudge. I couldn’t even be happy for myself as overall, my plan had failed. I had clearly slept with this stranger, the air smelt of sex and my thighs duly ached, but the outcome was no where near as successful as the first time. I hadn’t managed to forget about all my problems, I hadn’t woke up on a high, I had had a stupid dream about stupid Jacob Black and my stupid heart stung and my head ached. I found myself suddenly desperate to go see Jacob, check that he was okay despite it just being a silly dream. I felt guilty for leaving him in that forest all alone, just a dream, I know, but there was something that rang true with the metaphors of that false situation.

I groaned, flinging the bed covers off of me and searching the room for my discarded clothes. I rubbed my eyes until I saw spots behind my eyelids and furrowed my brow in frustration… just why had I dreamt about Jacob? For all I knew, it had come out of nowhere but it was so strangely vivid and it was unnecessarily affecting how I felt in the real world. I had managed to bury the effect that Jacob had on me… kind of… but now I was five seconds away from walking round to his house and apologising for everything I hadn’t even done. He was the bad guy, not me. But I felt so guilty all of a sudden, like I was unjust in my avoidance of him. Ugh! Why did my life have to revolve so heavily around Jacob fucking Black. One confusing dream had shattered all my progress in one night.

“You’re an idiot, you know that, right?” Quil laughed through the phone when I had finally redressed and managed to tip toe out of the bedroom and into the thankfully unoccupied bathroom.

“Shut the fuck up, Quil.” I whined, washing my face aggressively as I listened to his laughter through my speaker phone. I was beginning to regret calling him.

“I wasn’t going to say I told you so, but…” he sighed, overly exaggerating his amused disappointment.

“Okay, okay I get it.” I groaned, routing through the cupboards for some pain killers. Quil was most definitely not helping my hangover.

“Please just admit that this party was a bad idea.” Quil pressed on, annoyingly wanting me to admit that he had been right. I, however, have always been a stubborn person.

“It wasn’t a bad idea, it just didn’t go as well as it could have.” I argued.

“Alright, whatever you say.” he chuckled. “Can you hurry up please? I’m sick of waiting in my car.”.

“I'm coming shh.” I said as I halfheartedly scraped my hair up into a messy bun in the bathroom mirror. I hung up on Quil before I left the bathroom, not wanting to risk waking anyone up and alerting them to my escape. I had to hop and leap over the amount of teenagers and drinks scattered along the floor. I felt bad for whoever had to clean the mess up but it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me.

As soon as I made it to the front door I ran out, bare feet crunching against the ground as I sprinted with my shoes and phone gripped tightly in my hand. I darted towards where Quil’s car was parked, and I couldn’t help but laugh at myself as I ran through the mist of morning, the only sound being the crunching of gravel beneath my toes and the laughter bubbling from my lungs. Laughter that was just for me, no one else. I let myself feel free for a moment, ridiculous, just young and stupid. I didn’t care that I was getting cold under the light rain and I didn’t care that I desperately needed a shower and my brain was pounding out of my skull. I let myself be a teenager, just for a minute or two. I didn’t take my worries so seriously for the short distance that it took me to reach Quil’s car.

I opened the passenger door to Quil’s car with a smile, still softly giggling to myself like a madman. I looked over at Quil with a giddy, child-like grin plastered on my face and he returned it with a confused look, probably also thinking I looked truly insane.

“Someone looks happy.” he smirked, still eyeing me inquisitively like he would find the cause for my mysterious smile in my body language.

In reality, I wasn’t and I hadn’t been happy for a while now. In reality I had had a shit morning which included a dream about my shitty best friend who I’m painfully in love with, waking up in bed with a stranger who I hardly remembered, feeling gross and sticky and sweaty and then panicking about whether Quil had left without me or not. But just for that brief portion of time, maybe I could cling onto this new, different kind of freedom that I felt.

“Yeah… yeah I am.” I sheepishly smiled, looking down at my hands in my lap.

Quil leaned over and ruffled my hair, making me giggle which then caused him to chuckle. He looked apprehensive to accept my mood, but he seemed to be happy about it nonetheless. He started up the car and we drove off, Quil immediately began to ramble to me about his own uneventful, mostly sober night.

“Not to ruin your mood or anything,” he suddenly began “but you still have to go to school today.”

“But, Quil!” I groaned, sinking down into my seat and squeezing the bridge of my nose as my headache began demanding attention again. I had completely forgotten that it was a weekday.

“Come on, don’t be difficult.” he rolled his eyes at me.

“I’m not difficult.” I pouted.

“So you’ll go to school?” he asked, exhaustion mixed with dim hope in his voice.

“Sure.” I whined, dragging out my syllables as Quil cheered in celebration. “But I’m not going like this.” I gestured to the state of my clothes and hair with a grimace.

“Of course not, doll. We’ll have you at home in no time.” he smiled, nodding his head towards the dashboard that indicated we still had an hour and a half to go until school began.

I stared out of the window, daydreaming about the little things that brought me joy. Like the hot water from a shower on my skin and the feeling of clean clothes after a long night and the tight hug I was bound to receive from Quil at some point that morning. Tiny details like breathing in the crisp morning air and receiving a “good morning” text from Angela. All my own little moments to treasure. I couldn’t keep the dopey smile off my face as I pressed my forehead to the cool glass of the car window. The whole ride back to my house was filled with tiny philosophical realisations of moments that I owned, that no one else ever would. My own little moments of time, my own little capsules of joy. Mine.

I quickly washed, dressed, and threw some pain killers into my bag before swiftly ending up back in Quil’s car. My bizarre good mood had dimmed ever so slightly, the giddiness wearing off, however I kept a small smile on my face- a huge improvement from the numbness that had overwhelmed me just the other day. So maybe the party was successful after all… but it didn’t feel very much related to the party. I had somehow managed to make myself happy. Me. I did that. Without anyone else. Maybe this was the kind of independence I should be searching for, not misplaced sexual freedom.

The painkillers began wearing off by the time we reached Forks High, reminding me in full force that I had a killer hangover. I groaned when I opened my door, pulling up the hood of my jacket and slipping on the sunglasses that I had come prepared with. Quil laughed at my dramatics as he followed me out of the car, throwing a water bottle at me over the hood of his vehicle. I caught it and pressed it to my forehead, not its intended use but the coldness of the bottle soothed my burning head. I jumped slightly when Quil wrapped his arms around me, so engrossed in dealing with my hangover that I didn’t notice his approach. I buried my face into his chest when I finally realised what was going on, immediately feeling calm in Quil’s arms. Quil was never much of a hugger before I almost completely lost my mind, so there was something just so special and meaningful about Quil hugs.

It didn’t last long, however. He pulled away to shoo me off, telling me I was already borderline late. I laughed which immediately turned into a groan as my brain pulsed at my exertion. I waved him away as he exited the parking lot, my good mood dissipating more and more with each painful thrum of my brain. It was my own fault, I reminded myself. I could feel myself growing irritable and I just wanted to get through the day so I could be back in my own bed.

Through my sunglasses I couldn’t help but notice the sky, completely milky grey. That itself was normal, expected in Forks, but the way the sun broke through the grey in a blinding burst of bright yellow was… bizarre. It was almost beautiful in a creepy kind of way. It was like one large golden eye interrupting the dusky morning and scanning the ground for… something. I suddenly felt like I was being watched. The sun had never demanded so much attention before. It was a strange thing to pause to notice but I couldn’t help but stop and stare. Maybe it reminded me of my dream. It was simply surreal, like something beautiful and purposeful from a movie.

I moved from class to class numbly, getting through my work slowly like someone had rummaged through my brain and changed my settings to half speed. I wasn’t worried about not completing work on time, my lack of sleep was so much more important at that moment. I just had to keep pushing through the pain of school, but someone made that particularly difficult. Bella, of course.

“(Y/N), I really need to talk to you.” Bella spat urgently like she couldn’t wait just a moment more to keep those words from me, joining me as I walked to my next class.

“Oh hey Bella, how were the movies last night?” I asked in a particularly bitter tone, I internally blamed it on my hangover but realistically I knew that I was plain and simply just bitter.

“It’s about that actually…” she flinched slightly, looking timid as she spoke.

“Oh great.” I sighed, waiting for a play by play of how their lovely little date went. I didn’t think Bella would ever stoop so low but I didn’t truly know much about her.

“Jacob freaked out on me last night, I guess. He suddenly got really angry, well, he lashed out at Mike. And he got really… hot, I guess? Like a fever.” she said, gesturing slightly with her hands.

“Why are you talking to me about this?” I asked, unsure as to why she was speaking to me at all.

“Jacob’s not answering my calls.” she explained, although it didn’t feel much like my problem.

“That’s nice.” I blinked, my tone shockingly cold.

“Don’t you think it’s… weird?” she asked, her voice raising in pitch.

“I feel like you know him better than I do these days, you tell me.” I scoffed, gradually getting more irritated the longer Bella followed me down the corridor. It wasn’t entirely her fault that I was snapping at her like this, but it was hardly a light topic for me.

“That’s…” she trailed off, searching her head for the right thing to say.

“Come on Bella, you’re a smart girl. I’m not the person to go to about Jacob related problems anymore, in case you haven’t noticed.” _and who’s fault was that?_ “Now if you don’t mind, I have a class to get to.” I sighed, smiling tight-lipped at her before picking up my pace towards my next class.

Bella didn’t attempt to chase after me which I was grateful for, but she knew she had planted a seed. Of course I was going to worry about Jacob. I couldn’t help it, especially after my ridiculous dream. Jacob was all I thought about for the rest of the day, much to my own dismay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, long time no see! I'm sorry it took so long for me to update this fic however my schedule is going to be a bit unpredictable from now on, I'm not sure just how long each chapter will take me. I hope you enjoyed the regular updates while they lasted haha but I promise no matter what that this fic won't be abandoned. I made this chapter extra long just to say sorry <3 I hope you're all doing well and as always feedback is welcome!! Pls I've missed you all :')


	20. Growing Up

Tragically enough, I ended up telling Quil about what Bella had told me about Jacob’s odd behaviour, it practically burst out of me as soon as I saw him at the end of my painfully dragged out day. Unsurprisingly, Quil didn’t think much of Bella’s words. He was an oblivious boy but he seemed content in that, something I could have used in my sob story of a life.

“What? Do you want me to talk to Jake?” Quil asked nonchalantly, hardly paying attention to our conversation as he drove us back to my house. Quil’s lack of care made me feel like I was overreacting, adding to my embarrassment of bringing up the topic of Jacob Black.

“No, it’s just… I don’t know. I’m worried, I guess.” I sighed, wanting to disappear completely into the car seat. It felt so awkward, almost like it was new territory, to be outwardly worrying about Jacob again.

“He didn’t answer Bella’s calls for one whole night, boo hoo. She sounds clingy.” Quil scoffed, and I found myself shrugging halfheartedly at his statement not knowing how to feel about his conclusion. “He’ll be okay, (Y/N).” he softly reassured, briefly looking over at me before turning back to the road.

Maybe Quil was right to be so lighthearted about it all, if it wasn’t for my stupid dream I believed I would have been reacting the exact same. I wished more than anything that I could erase that dream from my brain but I couldn’t help but feel like it was some kind of sign, my brain trying to tell me something important. Whatever that cryptic something was, it plagued my mind for the rest of the day.

The thing is, however, that it wasn’t just one day that Jacob was missing in action. It ended up being days, which turned into weeks. Jacob’s newfound absence at school and absence from Bella’s side was something everyone began to notice, it was impossible not to. His lack of a presence practically screamed for attention, everyone found themselves wondering what was going on with him. Which, of course, left me right in the middle of it all.

At first, it almost felt refreshing to not have to worry about Jacob being around the next corner, the sight of him ready to make me either cry or scream. Or both. But it was hard to relax when I just couldn’t stop wondering why he had so suddenly gone missing. This wasn’t like him at all, to make so many people worry. It was understandable, maybe, that he wouldn’t tell me exactly why he’d dropped off the face of the planet… which hurt beyond belief, but it was extra bizarre that he hadn’t told Bella just what was going on. Unnatural.

As the days went by, I would often catch myself missing Jacob. Now it wasn’t just simply missing our friendship, there was the extra addition of missing his physical presence. Without knowing he was at least nearby I felt completely and overwhelmingly alone, isolated within the brick walls of our crowded school. How ironic that only recently I had been avoiding everything about him with ease. I felt ridiculous and immature but I had come to accept that it couldn’t be helped, I needed to stop lying to myself. Suppressing how I felt clearly just wasn’t working out for me anymore. I was driving myself insane, I was sure I’d soon make myself physically ill if I stressed much more. Angela would eye me with worry sometimes, trying her best to ignore the topic of Jake despite a million questions buzzing just behind her eyes. Despite that, I think she knew I had just as many unanswered questions, if not more.

At lunch I began sitting at our old table, where me and Jacob would eat and enjoy each others company before my whole world flipped on its axis. Eric and Angela both offered to sit with me, more concern in their tone each time they offered, however I just needed to be alone in this. It was my silly little way of pretending things were back to how they had always been, hoping or perhaps fooling myself into pretending that Jacob would come and take the seat beside me. Bella, on the other hand, had scurried off back to her previous lunch table with Jessica and Mike, although her presence suddenly seemed quite unwelcomed. I would have felt sorry for her, but all I could focus on was the empty seats surrounding me and the one boy who should have been filling them. My heart ached heavily for someone who wasn’t there. I hated the heartbreak I was beginning to let myself feel again, it was all consuming. I didn’t want to let any self progress I had made slip away, I didn’t want to abandon independence to instead cling to the emptiness like it would somehow keep my head above water. A big part of me was becoming obsessive over Jacob again and I couldn’t justify why, not even to myself.

On one particularly uneventful day of nothingness, day whatever it had become by then of Jacob’s absence, Bella joined me at my depressingly empty lunch table. She caught me off guard, her tray of food slamming against the metal table shocking me out of my daydreams. She looked at me with innocent yet calculating eyes as she slid down into the seat opposite me, moving almost in slow motion. She didn’t speak for a while, awkwardly waiting for me to make the first move as she sheepishly twirled a piece of her mousy brown hair around her finger. I simply sat and scowled over at her, not cruelly just in a questioning manor. 

“Um,” she mumbled, clearing her throat before carrying on “have you heard from Jacob recently?”.

I smiled lightly, less at Bella herself but more out of how humorously predictable it should have been that that’s the reason why she came to visit my pity party. After all, Jacob seemed to be all we had in common.

“Sorry, Bella, no.” I sighed, looking out of the window beside me at the dreary weather. A singular rain drop trailing down the foggy glass caught my eye.

“You must have heard something at least.” she pressed, her voice grating on me like nails against a chalkboard.

“Do you really think I’d be like this-” I turned to make eye contact with Bella once again, gesturing towards myself and the table with my hands “if I’d have heard something from Jacob.”

“He could be dead for all we know.” Bella scowled, a crease forming between her perfect eyebrows.

“Wow, thanks for the confidence, Bella. That makes me feel so much better.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes and leaning back in my chair.

“I’m just worried-”

“Worried about your precious little boyfriend?” I chuckled to myself but Bella took notice.

“I love Edward.” Bella tried to say with a firm voice but I noticed the way she caved in on herself and her voice faltered as she spoke Edward’s name. In all honesty, I had completely forgotten about the Cullens after their disappearance, her words only reminded me of just how much Bella toyed around with Jacob’s feelings.

“Yeah, Jacob deserves better than that.” I replied. There was no poison in my voice but I even found myself confused as to why I was suddenly coming to Jacob’s defence and acting protective over him. Maybe it was old habits kicking in, maybe it was the way he’d been on my mind every second of every day recently, maybe it was just my annoyance coming out towards Bella. No matter what the reason, Bella looked taken aback.

“You think he deserves someone like you instead? You hurt him.” Bella spat, her voice small but powerful. She didn’t seem angry, just agitated. Rightfully so, to be fair to her.

“I hurt him? He hurt me first!” I almost shouted, raising out of my chair slightly and catching the attention of some surrounding students. I sat back down in my chair properly with a huff, feeling overall quite done with Bella’s attempt at conversation.

“Don’t be childish, (Y/N). Go talk to him, if not for me just do it for him. He loves you and I know you still love the very bones of him whether you like it or not.” Bella breathed out, picking up her tray of food and floating away from the table leaving me to bubble in my own angst for the rest of the day. I avoided thinking about Bella’s words, ignoring her righteous behavior despite the fact Jacob stayed dead to the world for many more days to come after that strange interaction.

Slowly but surely my worry graduated into anger towards Jacob, anger that he wouldn’t just talk to someone, literally anyone, about what was going on with him. I’d thrown away my pride in an attempt to try and call his phone a couple of times, but of course he wasn’t picking up. I didn’t know why I thought I’d be special, after all, it’s not like we used to be able to tell eachother everything. By the time I had built up the courage to complete the seemingly simple task of going round to his house to see him face to face like Bella had more or less suggested, I had grown too angry at him to be willing to do that. I thought briefly about calling Jake’s dad but I didn’t know how to explain to him why it had been so long since I had last seen him. I even briefly thought about contacting Embry in some way to see if he knew anything at all but I knew I’d just end up more hurt when he inevitably wouldn’t respond. Everything suddenly felt much more raw again, old wounds opening back up and spilling fresh blood, and I found myself craving the numbness that I had previously heavily despised.

Time went by slowly without Jacob, like all the days were melding into one. A positive to come out of that prolonged period of time where I felt nothing but a poisonous concoction of guilt and anger, was Quil eventually forced me to buy my own car. You see, I could drive, I had my license however, I hated driving with a burning passion and I knew absolutely nothing about cars.

“You can’t be chauffeured everywhere for the rest of your life like some princess with her servants.” was Quil’s argument.

“I don’t see why not.”

“(Y/N), I will kick you.”

So that’s how I ended up with a lot less money and a lot more alone time in the mornings when I began driving myself to school. I was worried to be left alone at first, worried that I would still need Quil’s presence to calm the blackened ocean that was my mind, but I shocked myself with just how peaceful it was to drive around by myself. It was almost like another puzzle piece slotting into my own idea of independence and freedom. Driving around by myself with no boundaries soothed the terrifying, aching thought that worrying about Jacob was setting back my self improvement. Even if at school my mind was fogged with thoughts of Jacob, I could still find independence in having alone time where I didn’t have to think about anything but the road in front of me. I was in control, I could go just about anywhere or do just about anything I wanted. Even Quil was taken by surprise when I began rejecting his now less frequent invitations for a ride to school. I couldn’t help but picture just how shocked Jacob would be too, and just how much it hurt me that he wasn’t there to share this piece of my life with me.

It felt as if I was suddenly growing up without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Finally! I'm going to have more time around Christmas to work on chapters which I'm so excited for because I've missed you guys. I hope you're all still interested in reading this haha. Just a quick reminder that I've said I'm not abandoning this fic, you don't have to comment worrying that I will! Make sure to leave kudos if you haven't already so I know that people are actually interested in this fic and as always please leave feedback! I'd love to hear from you all after so long <3


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